I was not too worried about the PET CT, until I got the results from the MRI.
The news that two tumors grew, combined with my rising markers, has triggered a bit of anxiety about what else might be growing....
In general, I am pretty proficient in evoking "The Ostrich Syndrome."* To a great extent, I can pretty much ignore/forget about most things.... until the relevant day.
Well, today is the relevant day.
A good friend is joining me, bringing games (of course!), and we will pass the time with good conversation, and lots of laughter, I am sure.
But, I am, admittedly, anxious.
I will be in the hospital for around three hours (everything takes time in the hospital....). The PET scan only takes a few minutes (10-20 minutes, I don't remember exactly). But, 'till you are checked in, and are injected with the radioactive material, and the material circulates in your bloodstream.... well, it all takes time. And, during that time, there is just no way to ignore the fact that I have cancer.
Then, of course, there is the wait that comes after the test.
Waiting for the results is tough. You know the results are out there... you just do not know what they are.
The hospital only sends the results to the oncologist. I understand the logic, but it is frustrating. It simply adds another step, so it takes even longer to find out the results.
On the one hand, I do not mind extending the illusion that everything is fine. But, I want to know.
If things really are fine, I want that reassurance.
And, if they are not, well, I need to know that too. Because that affects how I am treated and if I need to make any changes in my treatment.
Either way, I want to know.
Until I receive confirmation that the results are good (and the cancer is stable), I will be anxious.
I am praying.
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,
* Yes, I know, Ostriches don't really bury their head in the sand. Still, you all knew what I meant, because the image is strong, even if it is fictional!
Dialogues with a scissor
18 hours ago