During my discussion with my oncologist, I mentioned a recent conversation that disturbed me.
A good friend is going through a particularly difficult period in her life (nothing to do with health) and admitted that, at times, she is jealous of me. In particular, she is jealous of the warm, loving and supportive environment that I have at home.
(Don't be fooled, if you pass outside our door, you are just as likely to hear yelling as laughter. We are a real family, with real issues. It's easy to paint an idyllic picture, but that would just be another fantasy...)
Anyway, when my friend told me this, I felt compelled to deliver a "reality check."
It's true; she is going through a really tough time right now. But she will get past it. And then, God willing, she will live a long and happy life.
I, on the other hand, have cancer. I won't "get past it." Hopefully I'll live with it. But, if we are brutally honest, I probably won't live as long as someone without cancer.
"So," I proclaimed to my oncologist, "nobody should ever be jealous of me."
"I'm not so sure," said my doctor, thoughtfully.
"Let's be real," I repeated, "there is no reason to be jealous of me."
"Only if you are looking at the clock," responded my doctor. "If you focus on the clock," he continued, "you are correct. But there are other factors to consider."
Since then, I've been thinking.
For the past few weeks, I have been very focused on "the clock."
Maybe if I stop looking at the clock, I will stop being jealous of everyone else.
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,
When a Jew Dies Far from Home
2 hours ago