I met with my oncologist this past Tuesday. I had a list of questions for him. Most were simple. Some were not...
I asked: "What's the plan?"
He answered: "To keep doing what we're doing."
I clarified: "Do I understand correctly that I keep taking these drugs until they stop working, and then I take something else?"
He answered: "Yup."
I asked: "Will I get any breaks?"
He answered: "Nope."
I persisted: "I've met people with metastasis who have breaks in their treatment."
He stated: "I don't know about other patients."
I asked: "But will there be times that I don't need to be on chemo?"
He responded: "That's a rephrase. I've answered that question."
He emphasized that we are aiming for stability; that our goal is that the cancer doesn't grow. I don't like that. I don't want it to "stay the same." I want the cancer to shrink. I want it to go away.
It is difficult for me to accept that I will always have cancer.
I am having a hard time with the chemo-for-life thing.
Yeah, yeah, I know... "It's better than the alternative."
It still sucks.
I can live with it.
People get used to it.
I gotta' get past it.
This is the way it is.
Accept it and move on.
I have cancer.
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,