Rosh HaShanah Preparations -- Where the Magic Begins

When we left, not much food was prepared.  Out of 6 meals -- we were invited for two, friends prepared one meal, and my sister prepared another -- that left 2 more meals to be prepared by my aspiring chef, i.e. my 12 year old daughter.

We met my neighbor on the way out the door, as we were leaving for the hospital, and I asked my son to mention to her where we were going and if she could stop by to check on my daughter from time to time, to see if she needed any help/advice with the cooking.

We also tried to reach my sister, who would be joining us for the first day of Yom Tov, to see if she could come early to help, given the current situation (that I was going to the hospital, mere hours before the holiday began).  We discovered later that my sister, who had prepared everything in advance, was out of town for the day.

When we returned from the hospital, to find the house peaceful and all set up, we assumed that our neighbor and my sister were responsible.  They were both quick to inform us that our kids had really done it all.  The kids had worked together and made it happen.

In fact, the kids even handled a small crisis (a grease fire in one of the cooking pots) calmly and responsibly.

When push came to shove, there was no pushing and no shoving.  Our kids cooperated and helped each other and did what needed to be done.

As we sat down together, to share the first festive meal, we thanked the children for pulling it all together, feeling both proud and extremely grateful.

I felt accutely aware of all the blessings surrounding me: my children, my sister, my husband.

God has blessed me with the greatest gifts of all. 

I was tired, I was weak, but I was home with my family.

There is no better way to start the NewYear.


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

If You Can't Take the Heat.... Maybe You Need to Go to the Hospital

Wednesday, the plan was to cook.  My youngest daughter planned a menu of delicious recipes, and I was to be her assistant.

But when I woke up, standing on my feet for just a few minutes wore me out.  I had to go back to bed.

I did not feel well.

As the day progressed, I was not getting any better.

I began to worry... a lot.  I had absolutely no strength for anything.  I did not feel sick, but I certainly did not feel healthy.  I could not move.  I could not eat.  I could not even drink.  My body hurt.  My muscles hurt.  Even breathing hurt.

Moshe contacted my oncologist for me.  My doctor agreed that going to the hospital sounded like the right course of action.

It took a while to get out of the house, but we went, leaving behind a house that was no where near ready for a three day chag (holiday).

I got to the hospital and I could not even sit up for triage.  I went straight in to the ER nurse, told her I am an oncology patiend and need to lie down.  The nurse set me up on a bed right away, and she did my intake.

First, I told her how awful I felt.  Second, I asked if I would make it home for Yom Tov (the holiday).

One of the things I love most about Israel is that even the hospital staff "get it;"  they understand that you can be falling off your feet, but you want to be home with your family to celebrate the new year. 

Everyone on staff worked hard to make that happen.

I received two liters of fluids and a half liter of blood.  As the last few drops were flowing, they sent my husband to check out.  As he completed the paperwork, the nurses detached me from the IV, then we "ran" to the car. 

We got home two minutes before sh'kiyah (sunset), to find the food cooked and on the plata (hot plate), and the table set.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Happy Little Home-Maker

I am so impressed by my youngest daughter.

A few months ago, one of her good friends from school gave my daughter a really nice cookbook for her Bat Mitzvah.

My daughter decided she wanted to prepare our meals for the holiday. She carefully went through her cookbook and chose the recipes she wished to prepare.  With a little teamwork, Moshe and I convinced her to settle on two main dishes and two appetizers.

On Sunday, I helped her prepare a shopping list.  On Monday, our friend who shops for us, took her shopping to pick up the ingredients she needs.  Today, Tuesday, she started cooking.

Since I was too tired to help much today, my daughter chose to start with a simple, but very time consuming, recipe; we both felt she could probably make it on her own.

She made Sambusas -- dough filled pastries.

The filling came out amazing and the Sambusas look great.  They do not seem to have puffed up as we expected, and we are not quite sure why.  Nevertheless, my daughter tasted one and they taste good.

Pretty impressive for her first dish!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Angels, Shoulder Pain, & Shiatsu

Sunday morning, I woke up with excruciating pain in my right shoulder, different from any pain I experienced before.  The focal point of the pain was deep inside my shoulder, and the deeper I inhaled the more it hurt. The pain felt like muscle pain, and I hoped it would work itself out during the course of the day.  Meanwhile, I concentrated on slow, shalow breathing. 

I slept almost all day, partially because I felt so tired and weak, and partially to escape the pain.

Nothing changed.

Midday, I contacted my friend who does Shiatsu.  She had quite a busy day, and asked if I would be up for a treatment in the evening.  Desperate, I told her she should come whenever she could and I would make it work.

I spent the afternoon helping my youngest daughter, who is really into cooking, go over what she wants to prepare for Rosh HaShannah, make a shopping list, and study for her math test the next day.  I do not know from where she gets her enthusiams about cooking, but I am trying to encourage her and be supportive.  She would rather cook than do math; I would rather do math than cook!  I really enjoyed helping her with math, but we did not have a chance to finish before she had to leave for gymnastics. 

Then my son came home. One moment he behaved so charmingly, the next moment he snapped at me, then he again acted like a perfect gentleman, then he bit my head off, and so on.  I had promised to help him make his lunch, and I was determined to fulfill my promise.  Waking up in the morning to make sandwiches for/with him is just too much for me.  I cannot do it. 

My eldest daughter behaved pretty much the same as my son: pleasant one moment, harsh and critical the next.

My kids completely wore me out!

I could not deal with any more stress.... I escaped into my bedroom.

A few minutes later, my angel friend callled: "Are you still up for a treatment?" she asked, ever so sweetly.

We usually do shiatsu in my living room, but I really needed a break from my kids, so she treated me on my bed. 

For the first time all day, I felt some relief. 

When she finished, I did not want to move.  I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

At one point, Moshe woke me and asked me if I felt comfortable the way I was lying.  I shifted to a more comfortable position, closed my eyes, and resumed my slumber.  Though I woke up briefly a few more times, I quickly returned to sleep, and slept deaply until the morning.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In addition to practicing Shiatsu professionally, Idit volunteers her services to me and to the Yuri Stern Foundation.


Idit has a wonderful, warm, and relaxing treatment room in her home.
For regular treatments or to treat yourself to something special:
Idit Amir
077-757-8949
052-660-8442
Idit Amir amir.idit@gmail.com

School has Started!

My eldest started last Thursday, and my other two started on Sunday.

I got all their school supplies and have almost finished gathering all their school books.  Most of the school books we either had or are borrowing from friends.  There are still a few that we will have to buy.  I still need to ask a friend to actually go and get those for me, but I am waiting to be certain of what we need, so we only have to go to the bookstore once!

So far, everyone seems to be settling in. Even the madhouse morning rush seems to be under control.

My sweet son asked for me to make his lunches for him again, this year.

It is too much for me to do it all year long.  But I told him I would make his lunches in the morning for the first week of school, then I would make his lunches *with him* in the evenings during the second week of school.  After that, he would have to make his lunches in the evening on his own (though I will help him if he needs/wants it, within reason).  He agreed.  I am cautiously optimistic that we can make this transition smoothly.... (PLEASE, God!!)

Moshe has been driving the kids to school in the mornings, which is very positive for all around.  My son, who mainly rides his bike to and from school, also benefits from this arrangement.  My son loads his bike onto the car; Moshe drives him to the top of our hill, which is long and steep; then our son rides the rest of the way to school.  It cuts out the worst/hardest part of the bike ride, but still allows our son to benefit from the excersize of bike riding, and the freedom after school to ride wherever he wants.

Our youngest began a new school this year and is feeling more comfortable, with each day that passes.  She bravely chose a school that was clearly the best choice for her, but to which NOT ONE of her friends chose to attend.  She is excited to be learning with her previous drama teacher (who really is fantastic) and there is even a chance that she will continue learning with her previous English teacher (of whom we are also big fans).  So far, her mechanechet (main teacher) and her class seems nice, but it is really too early to tell.

Our eldest is getting used to some of the changes in her school.  She loved her mechanechet for 9th and 10th grade, but they get a new mechanechet for 11th and 12th. Her new teacher is actually one of the top women educators in Jerusalem, but I am not sure my daughter appreciates that yet.  I, on the other hand, am thrilled (and jealous!).  She also has a new math teacher, about which we are less excited, but still cautiously optimistic. Her previous math teacher really suited her, and that is no small feat!   Our daughter just need to pass the next two units of her bagrut (matriculation) exams and then she is finished with math classes forever.

The best news is that due to a scheduling conflict between her two majors, theater and art, she might be able to just take the art workshops, which really excite her, and not art history, which interests her, but not as much.

So, our year opens with lots of potential and we pray that we will all make it a good year!


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Chemo Day -- Herception, Doxil, Blood & More

I knew today would be a bit crazy, I just did not realized how crazy it would get.

The day started out in a fairly benign way.  There was some crisis at the hospital, earlier this morning, so my meeting with the oncologist began an hour late.  But the meeting itself was fairly straightforward. We addressed my long list of questions, scheduled a bunch of tests, and had a physical exam.

During the meeting, one of the nurses came in and hooked me up to the Herceptin.  And so the day began....

On my way to relax in the day room, Moshe approached me in a panic.

"They can't find it," he told me, with a worried look on his face.

The insurance company, which provides the actual Doxil for me, had called yesterday to inform Moshe that the Doxil was at the hospital since Tuesday. 

Only, it turns out that they, in fact, had not delivered the Doxil on Tuesday, nor on Wedneday, nor today.

God bless my husband, he stressed out about the problem, but he fixed it all on his own, which was not quick or simple.  I did not have to worry about anything, because he took care of me.

I do not tell him often enough how much I value and appreciate the way he looks after me.  On the flip side, I am quick to comment when he falls short, which is just not a good attribute on my part.  I am working on changing this, but the change is slow.

Once everything fell into place, Moshe hurried off to work, much later than he expected.

To my great surprise and pleasure, LS, who had to do something that morning at the hospital, came to visit me and ended up spending the day with me.  The day ended up being much longer than I expected, and she helped me with all sorts of little details and necessary errands.  Moreover, she provided wonderful company, and made the time pass much more pleasantly.

Moshe had fixed the glitch so well, that I was able to start the Doxil as soon as I finished receiving the Herceptin.  In theory, I could have gotten out of the hospital at a decent hour. In practice, there is always someone who throws a wrench into the works... One of the nurses told me that my counts were low again and I would need to come in next week to receive another portion of blood.

I really did not want to come in next week.  I asked to get the blood today, but the nurse insisted there would not be enough time today.

Never someone to take "no" for an answer without trying to find a way around it, I asked (read: begged) one of the other nurses to help see if I could get the blood today.

As is, next week I have an MRI of my head on Tuesday, an MRI of my right hip on Wednesday (if I get approval from my health fund in time), and my bone drug on Thursday.  Three days at the hospital is enough for one week!

Also, though the promise that the blood will help with my energy level did not pan out the last time, I really hoped that this time the blood would help restore some of my energy,

With the help of this other nurse, and of my friend, LS, who ran around the hospital helping the process move along, we managed to get the blood in time.

The infusion finally finished around 4:15.

I walked out of the hospital at 4:30.

I had accomplished quite a bit. In addition to the chemo and the socializing, I mended two pairs of pants for Moshe, and a handbag for me.

I also drank two cups of pea soup, a cup and a half of iced coffee, at least a liter of water, downed several Percocets, and found a friend to pick me up and take me home.

Not bad, for a 7 ½ hour day at the hospital!

I was ready for a nap!

However, after being out all day, my youngest, who had been home, on her own, for several hours, needed some attention.  So, I kept her company while she ate.  To her chagrin, while I sat with her, I also helped eat most of her mango.... (she offered to share with me, but had not intended to share quite that much.)

After lunch, we sat on the couch and, in response to her lunchtime request, I told her the story of how Moshe and I got married. She knew most of the story, but wanted to hear it again.  I think she appreciated the story even more, this time around.

Afterwards, I headed towards my room, and my bed.  Somehow, I got distracted along the way, and got sidetracked sorting through school books.

Eventually, I could not stand on my feet any longer.  I headed off to bed.

I am beat!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Camping with the Kids-- Day 3

After Wednesday's brutal heat, I wanted to make sure that our belongings were packed and loaded onto the car well before the day got hot. 

We needed to leave by 12:00, so we aimed to leave at 10:00.  We probably could have left later, but we wanted to get home with plenty of spare time for my youngest to get ready and get to her friend's Bat Mitzvah.

My youngest woke up on her own and took an early morning dip before the rest of us opened our eyes.  I got up next and then my son.  I let her sleep a little longer, but once I had packed up all my belongings, we needed to wake my eldest, so both she and her sister could pack up their belongings.  Also, we needed to pack up the tent, which is one of the first items we needed to load into the car.

Even once everyone was up and moving, they were not moving fast.

The kids did not seem to grasp the urgency of the situation. 

I felt like a broken record,  repeating over and over:  "we need to get the car loaded before it gets hot, and we do not have much time!"

The early morning hours are fairly cool, but that does not last long.  I knew that once the sun rose a bit higher, we would lose all our shade and we would start feeling weighed down by the heat.  If that happened, packing up would become a nightmare.

I managed to get everyone moving, but they were slow.  My friend, who must be an angel, offered to help us pack up. She and her kids really pitched in and helped.  Once they joined us, we had ten pairs of hands at work!  All of a sudden, everyone was working and none of my kids (or hers) complained about anything. The cooperation was amazing!!  We were finished pakcing in a matter of minutes!

My friend had a big tiyul day planned with her kids.  My kids were ready to go home.

We pulled out of the campsite at 9:30, earlier than we had planned, but more than ready to be on our way.

I decided to treat my kids, and myself, to ice coffee.  We stopped at Tzomet Tzemach to pick up the ice coffee, and then drove straight to Jerusalem.

We could not agree about what music to play, so we did not play anything and spent the ride talking, joking, and laughing.

Along the way, the kids all expressed that they had a good time and were glad we went camping together.  Their appreciation made all my efforts worthwhile.

Everyone was tired when we got home, but all the kids pitched in and unloaded the car in record time.  I loved seeing them work together!

I think the ride home was my favorite part of the trip.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Camping with the Kids -- Day 2

Day 1 clarification: we started our BBQ around 9:30, not midnight
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Despite loud, obnoxious music until around 4:00 in the morning, the night passed peacefully enough.  We were all so tired, we slept through all the noise. I will never understand Israelis who blast music from their cars when they go camping!

In the morning, my tent felt a bit too stifling, so I moved a mizron shetach (camping mat) and my sleeping bag into the area between the two sections of the large tent, where the shade from the awning kept the air cool, and continued sleeping.  People were already stirring all around us, but my crew slept on, oblivious to the activity around them. We all woke at our own pace.

Our morning passed without much ado.  My two younger kids ate leftover BBQ food for breakfast.  Only when camping can someone eat a hotdog or hamburger for breakfast!  I made do with a couple of slices of apple, which my friend had left over.

Then the kids went to wade in the Kinneret.

Though we had emphasized finding a beach with a lifeguard, the lifeguarded area was a short way away, and the lifeguard wouldn't even be there until 8:30.  I let my kids go wading together.  Both are strong swimmers, and neither intended to swim out into the middle of the lake.  After a while, I joined them.

By the time my eldest woke up, it was time for lunch.  We had yummy brown bread and pastrama (Turkey Cold Cuts), which I had brought with us.  By "we," I mean "my kids."  I just sat and kept them company, and drank a lot of water.

After lunch, we all went back into the water. 

At one point, my son wandered off on his own.  We could see him, hunched over, wading by the reeds.  After a while, he called out "I caught a fish!"  He rejoined us, holding his hands just below the surface of the water.  Sure enough, cupped in his hands, was a fish, about the size of a finger.  I touched it.  It felt wierd, and cold.  My youngest daughter also wanted to hold the fish.  She laughed as it tickled her hands with its fins.  She passed the fish back to my son, who released it moments later.

My eldest found the idea of touching a fish repulsive.

Periodically, a dead fish would float by.  We all agreed that was gross.  At one point, several dead fish floated by;  I found that rather off-putting.  I had enough; I left my kids to continue romping in the water without me. 

About an hour later, they had enough as well.

We all showered off, but remained in our swimsuits.

At around 2:30 in the afternoon, we tried to rest.  The heat was overbearing.

By 3:00 in the afternoon, the heat and humidity was unbearable.  We wet ourselves in the shower, so the warm breeze could cool us off -- God's own air-conditioning. When we dried off, we wet ourselves again.  Rinse, cool off, dry out, rinse again.  Repeat as needed. We did this for several hours.

At around 5:00, the air started to cool down, ever so slightly.  From 5:00 to 7:00, the was also a very strong breeze.  Our large tent knocked over, and I tore it a bit on the seem when I tried to set it upright. 

We all were just waiting to go to supper at The Pagoda, where there would be air-conditioning!  We had a reservation for 8:00.

Our friends from Sde Eliyahu decided to join us for dinner.  They picked us up on the way, so I would not have to drive. At The Pagoda, the AC area was not that cool, but it was crowded and noisy.  The host suggested we might be more comfortable in an area outside that was more secluded and cooled by dessert coolers.  We checked it out and all agreed to eat there.  My youngest, who is the most heat sensistive, like her father, sat directly in front of the two large fans/coolers.

The food was so delicious... and I could not eat it.  For weeks, I anticipated savoring their wonderful soup and eggrolls.  We ordered three different types of soups and I had a bit of each. That was it.  I was done.  I had one small fried wonton, and could barely manage that.  I could not even take a bite of an eggroll.  I watched as my family and friends enjoyed their meals.  I tasted a few pieces of crispy duck, but could not eat any more than that.  I did manage to eat a few bites of fried banana for dessert, but it was hardly satisfying.  At least my kids enjoyed the meal!  I did feel pleasure and satisfaction watching them relish their meal so much. That would have to be enough.

When we returned to our campsite, it was still hot.

My son informed his sister that he intended to sleep in his hammok that night.  I had hoped to sleep in the hammok, but I did not want to insist on it  I decided to sleep in his tent, but then my youngest daughter asked if she could sleep in his tent;  I deferred to her.  My eldest wanted to convince her siblings to let me sleep where I would be most comfortable, but I assured her that I would be fine and did not mind letting the kids sleep where they preferred. 

In the end, my eldest and I slept side by side, under the awning between the large tents.  We spoke for a few minutes, before drifting off to sleep.

It was hot.


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Camping with the Kids

We are home!  It is great to be home!

I thought I would crash as soon as we got here.  However, once I showered, I felt refreshed and able to unpack a bit and direct the kids a bit.  I even watched a movie with my eldest.

We all had a good time on our trip.  I hope to write more about the experience tomorrow, when my eyes are not drooping as I type.

I think I enjoyed the ride home the most.  Since we could not agree about what CD to play, we agreed that we would not tturn on the music.  In the end, we talked, joked, and laughed the whole way home.

Did you know that "it is easier to clean a sheet than a supermarket"?

(don't worry, you won't think that is funny.  it's an "inside joke" for my kids... if they ever read this.)




Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

I Will Survive

If I am this tired before we have even left the house, how am I ever going to manage???

The trip is actually going to be much shorter than I anticipated because we are leaving later than I originally planned and we are returning earlier than I hoped, because my youngest has a Bat Mitzvah on Thursday afternoon (unless I just pop her on a bus and stay an extra night with just my two older kids, which is an option).

Anyway, I have lowered my expectations in accordance with what my kids are telling me.  They just care about spending time together.  If all we do is hang out on the beach and make a BBQ for supper, they will be happy.

Sounds good to me!
 


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Camping at the Kinneret

I am taking my kids camping.

Call me crazy, but I really want to do it.

What is even more amazing is that they all want to go camping with me!

They want to spend family time together.  They do not care about going on hikes or what we do, as long as we do it together.

Did I mention that all three of my kids are teenagers, in the midst of adolescence?!?!

I am so excited about spending time them!

I am a little nervous about doing it all on my own (three adoloescent teenagers, and all that...), but there really is no other option.

Moshe is not coming.  He hates camping.  He will be much happier at home and at work, where he has air conditioning.  He is happy for us to go, but he has absolutely no desire to join us.

When we first had kids, I used to drag Moshe camping with us. Eventually, since he hated camping so much, we just stopped going altogether.  Two years ago, we found the Pesach/Jugglers' Convention solution, whereby the kids and I go camping at Sachneh, and Moshe sleeps a 10 minute drive away, at our friends who, of course, have air conditioning.  The Sachneh solution seems to work, but it is not enough.

The kids and I still want to camp during summer vacation.  For various reasons, a family camping trip during the last few summers just was not possible.  Yet, despite the recent progression of my cancer and our youngest daughter's Bat Mitzvah, I realized we could, at least in theory, go camping this summer.

Moshe and I discussed it.  We decided that Moshe would hold down the fort while I take the kids off into the wild blue yonder.

This summer has been particularly challenging for me.  As our camping dates approached, I wondered if my pain would be controlled enough for me to swing this adventure.  I have been praying, every night, that I will be able to do it.  Meanwhile, I am pushing forward, full steam ahead.

I scheduled this trip with the kids over a month ago.  Good thing we planned in advance, because these were the ONLY days that all three kids would be free at the same time all summer!

We originally planned to drive up north on Tuesday morning, and camp for 3 or 4 days, until Thursday or Friday.  We decided to be spontaneous and decide on the spot whether or not to stay the extra day.

Wrong!   Our time is not as free as we thought.  My youngest daughter just informed me that she has a Bat Mitzvah on Thursday night.  So there is no longer a third night/fourth day option.  We will return to Jerusalem on Thursday, so my daughter can attend her friend's Bat Mitzvah.

Meanwhile, we still need to decide where we are camping.

My kids are pretty set on the idea of camping at the Kinneret. 

Many friends encouraged me to travel further north, where it might be cooler.  I do not really want to drive that far on my own.  Even more so, I am determined to camp on the Kinneret because that is where my kids want to go.

Now we just have to decide WHERE on the Kinneret to camp.

Any suggestions?



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Upping the Ante -- Moving On To Stronger Pain Meds (Medical Update)

Today, I began treatment with Herceptin again.  Since I have not received Herceptin in a long time, I needed to receive a "loading" dose.  Beforehand, I agreed to take hydrocortisone, to reduce the chances of an adverse reaction.  I did not really want to receive more steroids, but I also did not want to have to stop treatment in the middle.  Thankfully, I did not have an adverse reaction this time.

Also today, thanks to Moshe's gentle persistance, I chose to switch my method of pain management.  I got a patch which releases pain medication on a steady basis, over the course of three days. I am starting with the lowest dose patch, because I do not want to be all woozy.  I had to upgrade to something a bit stronger, becaue my previous regimen no longer kept the pain at bay.  I am hoping that this low dose is enough to do the trick.  One of the nurses warned me that I might experience some wooziness initially, but encouraged me to keep the patch on for several days, to give my body time to adjust and get over the wooziness.

So far, I am not feeling particularly woozy.  I still have some mild pain, but it really is mild.  We will see how I am feeling tomorrow.

My mom kept me company at the hospital today, which was really nice.  We ended up being at the hospital for a really long time (I arrived at 9:00 am and we did not get out until 4:30 pm). 

I would have liked to go home and rest, but God had other plans for me.  My son, who got himself a job working as a junior counselor this summer, had a field trip with his camp today.  He called me as soon as he learned that they would not be getting back in time for him to catch the bus to Tekoa for his horseback riding group.  I offered to take him by car today as well (I drove him and one of his friends yesterday, for their first lesson, so I could see the stables, meet the owner, and provide the boys with some sort of orientation so they would be able to come and go on their own).

Once I was driving in anyway, I decided to hang out in Tekoa with my friend, KAA, and just drive the boys home after their horseback riding session. I did not mind the wait, but I needed ice cream.  KAA and I went to the Makolet and I bought myself a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. Despite the hot weather (and the steroids coursing through my system), I exhibited exemplary self control and did not eat the entire tub of ice cream.  I used a trick my father taught me and wrapped the left over ice cream in multiple layers of plastic bags.  I used a LOT of plastic bags and the ice cream was still frozen when I got home, almost an hour later (Thanks Dad!).

Tonight, Moshe, my mom, and I, watched several episodes of The Big Bang Theory. (Thanks, LWG!)  If you are a geeky type, or even just married to one, you have to watch this!  You will laugh!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

What A Long Strange Day It's Been....

I cannot remember how I started my day.... 

Oh yeah, a friend came over to do some "shopping" (I'll post more about that later....).  She left with a suitcase full of clothes for her younger boys.  YAY!!

My son got a late start (no great surprise there -- he was exhausted from yesterday's tiyul).  I got a little annoyed about how late he actually got up, but I managed to let my frustration go. I even made him lunch, so he left feeling good that his mother "took care of him."  It is such a funny stage -- he wants to be independent, but he also wants to be pampered.  Finding the right balance is.... challenging!

An hour later, another friend came over to treat me to shiatsu.*  What a pleasure!  I have been feeing overwhelmed and stressed for several days.  I felt so relaxed when she finished treating me!

Then I met with my "narrative therapist."  We have met several times already and I am still not sure exactly what "narrative therapy" is, but I find the sessions with her insightful.  (And she comes to my home, so it could not be easier!)  She asks probing questions that make me think.  My purpose in meeting with her, is to use our meetings to reach my concrete goal of getting my house in order (primarily decluttering, but also organizing....).  Today we mainly "caught up," after not meeting for several weeks.  She also helped me to refocus on my ultimate goal.

In the middle of our session, I got hungry.  That has not happened for the longest time!!

I actually ate some real food and enjoyed it.  I had a small piece of eggplant parmesan, a small slice of carrot cake, and a tall glass of milk.  I was still hungry afterwards, so I ate some honey roasted peanuts.  Not bad for someone who has not had an appetite for 10 months! 

A few hours later, I ate an early dinner with my two younger kids.  I had a bowl of soup and corn on the cob, with butter and salt.  What a simple pleasure to sit and eat with my kids!

I really enjoyed spending the time together.

Unfortunately, I am now paying the piper....  My stomach is grumbling and acting up again.

Perhaps I should have eaten toast with jam, but that is so boring!!   I wanted yummy food.

It was a very surrealistic day, slow, kind of wierd feelings. 

My daughter had her Kfitz Kfotz gymnastics presentation this evening.  This year, they did a local presentation, which I really appreciated.  It was much easier for me to attend a shorter program that was close to home.

When we arrived home, my son was already in bed, and on his way to never-never-land.  Before I left, we discussed what time he should eat supper and go to bed, given how tired he was this morning.  I am pleased that he demonstrated responsibility and made sure to go to bed on time.  I am proud of him.

My daughter also had a few thoughts to share about her day.  She raised several issues that were disturbing her, primarily about certain dynamics at her school.  I tried to guide her a bit, but mostly I just listened.  I am glad she feels she can talk to me.

Today is my eldest's birthday.  She was not home all day.  I missed her.  My youngest was especially disappointed that her sister would not be around to celebrate her birthday.  My youngest is always very diligent about making something nice for our birthdays.  She clearly felt disappointed that her sister would not be receiving her gifts on her actual birthday. My youngest and I sang Happy Birthday to my eldest over the phone. We will celebrate more with her over Shabbat.

My kids are all growing up so fast....



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

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* In addition to practicing Shiatsu professionally, Idit volunteers her services to me and to the Yuri Stern Foundation.

Idit has a wonderful, warm, and relaxing treatment room in her home.
  
For regular treatments or to treat yourself to something special:
Idit Amir
077-757-8949
052-660-8442
Idit Amir amir.idit@gmail.com

Feeling Way Better Today!!

Wow, did I have a bad day yesterday!  Thank you all for your support and empathy!

This morning, I woke up feeling so much better!!  (Not perfect, but WAY better!!)

I made it to my art class at Ma'agan-Tishkofet, and had the added benefit of taking my daughter to school on the way.  There was a cancellation at the The Yuri Shtern Holistic Center, so I got the massage I "missed" last week.  I left feeling relaxed and energized.

I ran around doing all sorts of small errands from my unending list of "things to do." 

I had time, so on one of my stops, I spent an hour (maybe even more), hanging out with a friend (listening to some of her issues, sharing, supporting, drinking ice coffeee -- you know, the things friends do....).

I picked up my aunt (She's really Moshe's aunt. -- I do not actually have any aunts.  Lucky for me, Moshe has such a wonderful family, I inherited" all his fantastic aunts! and uncles!), who graciously accompanied me on a longer errand, to pick up my chemotherapy.  Then we went to town and ate ice cream and waffles -- YUMM!!

Truth be told, neither of us could finish our order!  (I always take my LO's for the next day!)

Then we went back to her place and I got to see my uncle and their grandson, who came to visit.  I hung out with them for a long time.  They are such wonderful people.

I totally forgot that I had a PTA meeting tonight!  OOPS!!!

On my way home, I picked up my son, who just returned from his sayarut (scouts) tiyul (hike).  They slept out last night, then had a long hike in this heat wave -- boy, did he stink!!  As soon as we walked in the door, he put his clothes in the machine and his body in the shower!!

I thought he would go to sleep as soon as he got out of the shower, but on the tiyul he had figured out all this number theory stuff, and he wanted to share it.  I did not have the head for it, but Moshe listened.. Moshe was so impressed that he forced me to listen too.  Our son understands high level math on such an intuitive level!

I feel like I have really dropped the ball regarding my son's education.  To my chagrin, we have been so busy with my health issues that academia fell by the wayside for most of this year. 

I really try not to feel guilty about things that are in the past and/or are beyond my control.

Sometimes, it is hard not to feel remorse about how cancer has, and is, affecting our family....



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The Day/Night Before

My stomach is still upset.  My ability to cope well diminishes significantly when I am not feeling well.

I was so tired this morning.  Even so, when my son asked me to get up and help him make sandwiches, I did it... with a smile!

I hope, some day, he appreciates just how much I love him.

It took me a while, but I managed to fall back asleep after he left for school.

I woke up late in the morning, still terribly tired.  I considered blowing off my art class, but knew I would be sorry to miss it again (I missed class last week, when class had been moved to the day after Shavuot, and I just could not get out of bed that morning). Somehow, this morning, I managed to drag myself to the second half of the class.  It was hard for me to participate, because of how uncomfortable I was, but I managed to do some work on my project.  Everyone in the art class, sponsored by Tishkofet-Ma'agan, had/has cancer, so I did not feel the need to minimize how I was feeling or why. I received a lot of support and understanding, which I guess I needed.  Overall, I felt glad I made the effort to get there, even if I only made it for half the class.

I was supposed to have a massage afterwards.  I really wanted/needed it.  Instead, the center switched me over to someone who does Reiki.  Probably, on some other day, the switch would have been fine.  But, today, it just made me upset.  My reaction made me realize just how uptight and anxious I am about tomorrow's procedure.

I went straight home and crawled into bed.

I slept, on and off.  People kept waking me up.  Friends called, kids needed me, you know, the usual.... No one expected me to be asleep at 4:00 in the afternoon, or 6:00 in the evening!

I finally fell into a deep asleep around 8:00 pm.  I fully intended on sleeping 'till morning.

Did I mention I have to be at the hospital at 7:00 AM!!!  (that is so cruel!!!)

Then, Moshe woke me at 11:00 pm!  The pre-op instructions said I should shower and shampoo my hair (what hair??) the night before.  I did not read the instructions, but Moshe did... God bless him.

I so did not want to wake up.  But once I was awake, I could not ignore my upset stomach.  So, I got up, showered, and shampood the few hairs I have, wondering what hair will be left after this next round of radiation......

I really should thank Moshe.  Just as I finished dressing, my daughter and her friend came home after opening night, full of excitement and eager to share.  I also got to hear from my daughter about her math bagrut (exam).  I spent about half an hour with my daughter and her friend, and I would not have traded that time for anything in the world!

I would write more, but it's late, and I have to get up in the morning.....



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Just Answer the Question

Kids are very literal.  At least, mine are.

When my kids ask questions, I often answer what I interpret as their question, rather than their actual question.  Oftentimes, it turns out, they just want an answer to their question, the one they actually asked, not the one from my imagination.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to hear the question they are asking, because my mind automatically jumps three steps ahead.  I have to train myself to repeat the questions in my head, to make sure I am really hearing what the kids are asking.  By answering their questions literally, I avoid making assumptions about what they might "really be asking." 

When my kids ask me cancer questions, I have to listen even more carefully, to make sure I really do answer their questions.  I worry that there are other, more difficult, issues that concern my kids.  So far, I seem to be the only one delving that deep.

My kids are not usually concerned with my existential questions; they just want to know if anything is going on that will mess up their plans for the coming week.




Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Parenting Crisis

I cannot write about it. 

It has nothing to do with cancer and everything to do with being a parent.

Everyone assures me that, usually, over time, these things pass.

Time.

It just takes time.

What if I am not here by that time?

Will it still work out?

It is all about being a parent. 

But I am a parent with cancer.

What if I don't have enough time to make it to "the other side" of being a parent?



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Pesach 2010 -- Leil HaSeder

A few months ago, when we spent Shabbat with my Rav (Rabbi), my Rav's wife (who is also a friend of mine) invited us to join them for Seder.  I was so honored by the invitation!  I would have loved to accept, but we usually spend Pesach with family (mine, when my parents are here, and Moshe's, when my parents are not here). 

This year was no exception.  We planned to be with Moshe's family. 

Usually, my sister is off doing her own thing for Pesach.  Our needs for Leil HaSeder (the evening of the Seder) are often quite different.  So, I was pleasantly surprised when my sister called to say that it's been a while since we last had Seder together, and she'd like to spend Leil HaSeder with us. 

When I called to see if my sister could join us with her friend (and former flat-mate), I learned that two extra guests was more than our hosting family could handle comfortably.   I totally understood.  Still, I really wanted to spend Pesach with my sister.

There was no way I could host, so I asked my sister which she preferred: hosting Seder or joining us at my Rav's.  After some consideration, my sister surprised me by agreeing to go to my Rav's home.

I called my friend to find out if her invitation was still open, and if she would be willing to host an additional two guests. I received such a warm response!  I was so excited (and curious!) about spending Pesach with their family!

We all had a wonderful time together.

There was singing, and stimulating discussions, and fun!  They sort of sped through the boring parts, which surprised me a bit, but I appreciated it.  I did not expect much singing (my Rav once made a comment that he does not like singing during davening. I LOVE singing during davening!), but they sang almost everything that we sing, so I was very pleased!  And, of course, everyone contributed to the discussions.  Our kids were a little quieter than usual (not necessarily a bad thing...), but even they asked questions and sang.  Moshe, of course, had several interesting side conversations with my Rav.  Overall, the pace of the Seder was "just right."

Their youngest child is the cutest, most adorable, little, five-year-old girl!  She held her "haggadah" (that she made) over her face while she belted out the "mah nishtanah" at the beginning of the Seder, and "echad mi yodeah," at the end. 

My eldest, and their youngest, formed a very special connection.  It was very sweet and, apparently unusual for their daughter.  All my kids have "the magic," when it comes to little kids. 

My youngest spent most of her time with their daughter, who is just half a year younger.  My son also found "his place," sometimes with the older boys, and sometimes with his sisters and the younger kids.

Moshe found MANY interesting books to peruse and discuss.  And I had a wonderful time hanging out with my friend.

I am so glad to have had this opportunity.  I love spending Pesach with our families, and I missed spending that time together with Moshe's family. Yet, I am grateful to have shared Leil HaSeder with my sister.  Moreover, it was a real treat to celebrate Pesach with my Rav and his family.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The Bargain

Posted with the approval of my eldest daughter (the protagonist in this anecdote)
(the title was her idea!)
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Lately, my angel of a daughter has been having not-so-angelic fits.

I called her in, to talk with her about her recent behavior. She expressed her frustration as well.

She recognizes that sometimes our conflicts are a result of her fits. She also thinks that sometimes our conflicts are a result of my fits.

I acknowleged that she might be right.

She suggested : "I'll make with you a deal:  You do everything I want, and I won't do fits."

We both had a good, healthy laugh at that!

Then, I suggested the opposite: that my daughter do everything I want, and I won't do fits.

She liked the first option better.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

It Happened Again

(read this post first)

Same kid, different circumstances.... but not all that different.....

Both Moshe and our child woke up extra early, so the child could get to school for an excursion with some kids and a counselor/teacher from the child's school. 

Moshe and the child were already in the car when the child was given an instruction that the child did not want to follow.  The child expressed dismay in an unacceptable manner.  Moshe got out of the car and refused to take the child to school.  The child felt crushed and angry.

I tried to intervene and the child, again, behaved with disrespect. 

Thanks to a very insightful comment from DK, following my previous post on this topic, I understood that the child was too upset to learn from the experience. 

So, I focussed on understanding and reflecting my child's feelings. 

When the child was calm enough, I received a sincere apology, along with a desperate request to take the child to school, which I did.  On the way, I was able to explain the child's mistakes, and guide the child both in accepting responsibility and  in beginning to think what the child can do differently.

One step back, two steps forward.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA