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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

It Happened Again

(read this post first)

Same kid, different circumstances.... but not all that different.....

Both Moshe and our child woke up extra early, so the child could get to school for an excursion with some kids and a counselor/teacher from the child's school. 

Moshe and the child were already in the car when the child was given an instruction that the child did not want to follow.  The child expressed dismay in an unacceptable manner.  Moshe got out of the car and refused to take the child to school.  The child felt crushed and angry.

I tried to intervene and the child, again, behaved with disrespect. 

Thanks to a very insightful comment from DK, following my previous post on this topic, I understood that the child was too upset to learn from the experience. 

So, I focussed on understanding and reflecting my child's feelings. 

When the child was calm enough, I received a sincere apology, along with a desperate request to take the child to school, which I did.  On the way, I was able to explain the child's mistakes, and guide the child both in accepting responsibility and  in beginning to think what the child can do differently.

One step back, two steps forward.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


Cheryl@SomewhatCrunchy said...

Woo Hoo! Great job Supermom! That's a tough lesson for all involved.

Robin said...

You really inspire me as a mother, RivkA.

Hasya Ya'ara said...

You have the patience of Job. I admire that.

Ranting Zelda said...

sounds like moshe blew it. i've been there. we all have to realize that sometimes our kids do not act respectfully. and sometimes they use bad language. that doesn't give us the right to give up and run away. it's always good to try and understand their feelings. good job!

RivkA with a capital A said...

Cheryl, Robin, & Hasya Ya'are -- I feel like I should just shout out:

I know I should just smile and say "thank you!"

But, well, I am certainly no supermom, that is for sure. Just step into my home and you will see!! And patience... well, I try, but I stumble plenty!

The thought that I can inspire someone as a mom is pretty awesome... and a bit scary. I feel like I am constantly treading water, just trying to keep my head above the surface!

So, thank you all for your accolades! I am not sure I deserve them, but they do make me feel appreciated. One thing is for sure, I certainly work hard at this job (being a mom); it is by far the hardest job I ever had!

Zelda -- Moshe did not blow it any more than I did. He did not "give up" or "run away." Moshe takes the mitzvah of kibud av va'em very seriously. He will not tolerate disrespect.

In all the years that we are married, I have NEVER heard Moshe speak to his parents (or mine) with anything but the utmost respect, even when he disagrees with them.

I cannot say the same about myself!