Wow, did I have a bad day yesterday! Thank you all for your support and empathy!
This morning, I woke up feeling so much better!! (Not perfect, but WAY better!!)
I made it to my art class at Ma'agan-Tishkofet, and had the added benefit of taking my daughter to school on the way. There was a cancellation at the The Yuri Shtern Holistic Center, so I got the massage I "missed" last week. I left feeling relaxed and energized.
I ran around doing all sorts of small errands from my unending list of "things to do."
I had time, so on one of my stops, I spent an hour (maybe even more), hanging out with a friend (listening to some of her issues, sharing, supporting, drinking ice coffeee -- you know, the things friends do....).
I picked up my aunt (She's really Moshe's aunt. -- I do not actually have any aunts. Lucky for me, Moshe has such a wonderful family, I inherited" all his fantastic aunts! and uncles!), who graciously accompanied me on a longer errand, to pick up my chemotherapy. Then we went to town and ate ice cream and waffles -- YUMM!!
Truth be told, neither of us could finish our order! (I always take my LO's for the next day!)
Then we went back to her place and I got to see my uncle and their grandson, who came to visit. I hung out with them for a long time. They are such wonderful people.
I totally forgot that I had a PTA meeting tonight! OOPS!!!
On my way home, I picked up my son, who just returned from his sayarut (scouts) tiyul (hike). They slept out last night, then had a long hike in this heat wave -- boy, did he stink!! As soon as we walked in the door, he put his clothes in the machine and his body in the shower!!
I thought he would go to sleep as soon as he got out of the shower, but on the tiyul he had figured out all this number theory stuff, and he wanted to share it. I did not have the head for it, but Moshe listened.. Moshe was so impressed that he forced me to listen too. Our son understands high level math on such an intuitive level!
I feel like I have really dropped the ball regarding my son's education. To my chagrin, we have been so busy with my health issues that academia fell by the wayside for most of this year.
I really try not to feel guilty about things that are in the past and/or are beyond my control.
Sometimes, it is hard not to feel remorse about how cancer has, and is, affecting our family....
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,
RivkA
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
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4 comments:
So glad you had a good day!
For the record, I often feel bad as well about dropping the ball on my kids' education, and I don't really have an excuse:)
But really, my support group was yelling at me (politely) tonight about accepting what we can and can't do, and that Hashem gives us circumstances and we do the best we can. It sounds like your son is coming up with his own ideas, and in the long run, his emotional development and personal strengths will drive his future. And y'all put so much work into those.
Glad you're feeling better.
You sound a lot better today. I'm glad!
I'm sorry you're not doing what you think you should vis-a-vis MD's education but it sounds like he's doing wonderfully.
I just borrowed a library book re math - it isn't my thing but who knows? Maybe it'll convince me.
Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I hear you re the guilt and it's good you try to let that go.
Hey RivkA!
As you know, I'm going through a divorce, and have been dealing with guilt about its effect on our son. A friend gave me some great advice about this that he received from the Bostoner Rebbe zatz"l for his own divorce. (It has relevance ... you'll see.)
The Rebbe asked him if he believed in hashgacha pratit (divine intervention in daily life) and he agreed. Then the Rebbe asked if he believed that H.P. was just for him or if it was for all Jews and my friend of course agreed that all Jews have their lives "adjusted" by the Master of the Universe according to a Divine Plan. The Rebbe then pointed out that "there are no innocent bystanders in Judaism." Everyone in a divorcing family is meant to undergo that process, each one for his or her own personal tikun (in this case, personal growth.) The children need to be in that divorce for their own parts in the Divine Plan. Ours is not to understand that Plan, but only to accept that it exists and there is The Big Someone Running the Show.
Well it seems to me that what applies to divorce also applies to cancer. Your three kids are meant to see the example you are giving them of overcoming adversity - even as you focus on yourself you are giving them such a powerful lesson in personal middos (values) that their spirits are gaining great things from being in your family.
Who knows? It just could be that what seems to be hefkeruth (abandonment) of MD might be just what he needs to develop this math gift that you are talking about. It so happens that math geniuses are by nature solitary and introspective, and if you and Moshe were well and constantly "helping" him and interacting with him you could be interfering with his gift! So thirty years from know when you watch him getting his Abel prize, (like the Nobel, but for Mathematics,) you can say "I'm glad I had cancer back then so that I let him become the genius that he is today!" :)
- E
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