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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A Mother's Worst Nightmare

"It can always be worse" is my motto.

We need to keep life's challenges in perspective.

Recognizing that most situations could be worse helps us to appreciate our situation, even if our situation is not all that great.

Then there are mornings like today, when you hear about something so awful that it really is a mother's worst nightmare.

I was still in bed when my eldest daughter called.

She heard something really awful and did not know how to process her feelings.

The news reported that a 16 year old girl and a 20 year old boy were found, dead, in Nachlaot, apparently from a drug overdose.  The girl is someone my daughter has known since she was a baby.  They were in playgroup and, later, in kindergarten together.  Most of the girls in my daughter's High School were in Elementary School and/or Jr. High School with this girl.  All the mothers know this girl's mother.

My daughter told me: "the first thing I did was verify that the information is true; the next thing I did was to call you."

We spoke for a few minutes.  Then my daughter needed to go to class. 

They are addressing this incident in her school. 

Everyone is in shock.

I tried to find information on the internet.  The news reports do not mention the name of the girl or her family.

Once again I am struck by the irony of the adage "no news is good news." 

This is the second time that I learned details of a tragedy even before all the information was released to the public. 

I am still stunned.

How can I expect my 16 year old to process this nightmare when I am having such a difficult time processing it?

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


safranit said...

I heard it on the radio this morning...how horrible...

rutimizrachi said...

I am so sorry, my friend, for your daughter and her friend and her friend's family, for the boy and his family, and for all of us.

The only ray of light that I can see is that your dear daughter has an amazing mother with whom she feels enough of a kesher to speak about something this painful and terrifying.

"The first thing I did was verify that the information is true; the next thing I did was to call you."

Karen said...

It is as you say...."a parents worse nightmare".....and the worse nightmare for all that know the families involved.As far from processing goes it is a long,sad road to go down.We lost our oldest in a car accident almost 17 yrs. ago.He was 21.We are still in the "processing" stage.....Why do these things happen?Only our Lord God knows and praise His Holy name for carying me in His strong and awesome arms.My prAYERS ARE WITH YOU....

Jennifer in MamaLand said...

Baruch dayan ha'emet. What a tragedy!
Your daughter will look to your example (yes, even at that age, they're still learning from you, whether they admit it or not).
She'll see you cry, express shock, rage, horror, all the normal things.
And she'll know that whatever she & her friends are feeling - it's normal. The initial horror may pass, but they will always remember. And she'll remember your example and know it's okay to go on.
I hope that helps.

Baila said...

I also heard this this morning. I am so sorry for all involved. Your daughter will benefit from your wisdom. May she know no more sorrow.

LeahGG said...

I'm so sorry. These things make you hug your kids a little tighter...

Bernie said...

I am sorry for this sad news, you are a wonderful mother. Just hug and love your daughter through her pain, she needs to feel secure.
God Bless my friend......:-)Hugs

RivkA with a capital A said...

Safranit -- it really is horrible... did they mention names of the victims in the radio report?

Ruti -- davka, my daughter was not friends with this girl (clearly they chose very different paths since kindergarten). I am not sure the lack of closeness makes it any easier for my daughter to deal with her emotions. Just knowing someone who died of an overdose is unnerving. And she feels like she has been exposed to a lot of death recently (a young boy recently drowned and a teenage boy recently died from cancer). Three young deaths, all within six months of each other...

Karen -- I am so sorry about your loss. We carry our loved ones in our hearts long after they are gone.

Jennifer -- this is true to a limited extent. My daughter called me from school, so our conversation was brief. When she came home, she did not have time to talk.

(thanks for visiting! how did you come across my blog?)

Baila -- *sigh*

Leah -- sure does!

Bernie -- We spend years trying to protect our children, and then reality comes crashing through the door....

Batya said...

Hamakom y'nachem. It was on last night's tv news, no names. How sad for families and friends.

There's a saying I once heard:

Everyone is somebody's son/daughter/mother/sister/father etc.

Anonymous said...

RivkA,I am so sorry for this loss & that your daughter has to endure the sorrow... and you along with her. :( I don't know if you've gotten the chance to read my blog or not but... my great-nephew... the grandson of my oldest brother... the son of my niece... is in rehab for heroin addiction. How DID it happen? Heroin, for cryin' out loud! *big sigh* The boy had everything... went to a good school, played golf, had an intact family life, loving parents, loving grandparents (on both sides). Heroin is only supposed to be for kids who have no one... no guidance... horrible family life... running the streets... hanging out with the 'wrong crowd'... right? Wrong!

So sad. I will pray for those involved in this tragedy. Please keep my family in your prayers as well.

Love you~ Andrea

Anonymous said...

RivkA, I just realized that I had signed-in to Blogger with an old account (linked to a blog I had opened but never used). Sorry about that. Now I'm signed in to my blog that I use all the time so you'll know who I am. The blog linked to the post above would "throw you off", I am sure.

Sorry about that. Gee, I had forgotten that the other blog even existed.

Love you~ Andrea

RivkA with a capital A said...

Andrea, thanks for bringing your post to my attention. You summed it up.

When a child goes astray, we are left behind, wondering "how did this happen?"

We like to think that if we do everything right (as if that is even possible!), then we and our kids are safe.

Our assumption is an illusion.

All we can do is love our children and pray.

(Thanks to NM who passed on this wisdom to me. She received it from ECS)