I publicly declared that I was in the midst of a major struggle with my ta'avot, regarding The Dress.
Since the previous Wednesday, I could not stop thinking about The Dress.
I kept thinking of ways to justify the expense:
- I have not bought myself a new dress in at least ten years.
- The price per year is reasonable when it is divided by ten!
- Though the dress is elegant, it is simple enough so that I can wear it to other smachot (celebrations)
- I would also wear the dress on chagim (holidays), including Rosh HaShannah.
On the other hand, I really do not want to regain that weight. So, it does not make sense to make a decision based on a possibility that I am hoping will not happen.
I decided to ask the store to hold the dress for me, for a day.
When I called the store, the saleslady told me they sold the dress!
My heart plummeted!!
I asked if they could get another dress.
The store owner made a few calls. Her supplier had another dress in my size and would deliver it to her store.
Then I learned that all the stores at the mall were having a three day stock sale. On Wednesday, after we left the store, my friend went back and told them about my "situation;" the store owner offered to sell The Dress to me for 1,600 NIS. With the stock sale, The Dress would be 1,326 NIS -- still way beyond my budget, but significantly cheaper than 2,000 NIS!
Meanwhile, the store had the same dress in bordeaux (maroon). I asked a friend, who is a seamstress, to come look at the dress and tell me if she could copy it. My friend was fairly confident that she could make a similar dress. Clearly, her dress would not be exactly the same, but it would be close. We even went to a fabric store and found the same fabric.
I should have felt relieved but, instead, I felt anxious.
What if she put in all the work and her dress did not meet my expectations? What if it was not as comfortable? Or not as pretty?
I needed to decide, because the stock sale ended today.
Yesterday (Tuesday), I spent all afternoon looking for a dress. I found nothing that fit right. My body is shaped funny because of the hernia (I actually have two abdominal hernias. Lucky me.). So, I really need something that is cut right for me.
I consulted my husband, my mother, my father, and several select friends.
I wondered if I was crazy for even considering The Dress.
I learned that in Tel Aviv, similar dresses can cost twice as much, or more! So, what?
Almost everyone encouraged me to get the dress. Still, I hesitated.
I felt torn by my natural frugality versus my extreme desire for The Dress.
Today, on my way home from Beit Natan's Spring Retreat, as I rushed home for a scheduled phone consultation with an oncologist in the US, I did it.
I stopped at the mall, went to the store and paid for the dress (so I could get it at the stock sale price). I had no time to think, because I needed to get home for the consultation.
I made one more quick stop at the photo shop to get an album for my daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Because of the stock sale, it cost half the price.
I was in and out of the mall in less than 15 minutes!
I did not have time to think about my decision.
I arrived home just in time to place the call.
Deliberating over The Dress was difficult enough.
Deliberating over my next treatment makes my head spin!
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,