What A Long Strange Day It's Been....

I cannot remember how I started my day.... 

Oh yeah, a friend came over to do some "shopping" (I'll post more about that later....).  She left with a suitcase full of clothes for her younger boys.  YAY!!

My son got a late start (no great surprise there -- he was exhausted from yesterday's tiyul).  I got a little annoyed about how late he actually got up, but I managed to let my frustration go. I even made him lunch, so he left feeling good that his mother "took care of him."  It is such a funny stage -- he wants to be independent, but he also wants to be pampered.  Finding the right balance is.... challenging!

An hour later, another friend came over to treat me to shiatsu.*  What a pleasure!  I have been feeing overwhelmed and stressed for several days.  I felt so relaxed when she finished treating me!

Then I met with my "narrative therapist."  We have met several times already and I am still not sure exactly what "narrative therapy" is, but I find the sessions with her insightful.  (And she comes to my home, so it could not be easier!)  She asks probing questions that make me think.  My purpose in meeting with her, is to use our meetings to reach my concrete goal of getting my house in order (primarily decluttering, but also organizing....).  Today we mainly "caught up," after not meeting for several weeks.  She also helped me to refocus on my ultimate goal.

In the middle of our session, I got hungry.  That has not happened for the longest time!!

I actually ate some real food and enjoyed it.  I had a small piece of eggplant parmesan, a small slice of carrot cake, and a tall glass of milk.  I was still hungry afterwards, so I ate some honey roasted peanuts.  Not bad for someone who has not had an appetite for 10 months! 

A few hours later, I ate an early dinner with my two younger kids.  I had a bowl of soup and corn on the cob, with butter and salt.  What a simple pleasure to sit and eat with my kids!

I really enjoyed spending the time together.

Unfortunately, I am now paying the piper....  My stomach is grumbling and acting up again.

Perhaps I should have eaten toast with jam, but that is so boring!!   I wanted yummy food.

It was a very surrealistic day, slow, kind of wierd feelings. 

My daughter had her Kfitz Kfotz gymnastics presentation this evening.  This year, they did a local presentation, which I really appreciated.  It was much easier for me to attend a shorter program that was close to home.

When we arrived home, my son was already in bed, and on his way to never-never-land.  Before I left, we discussed what time he should eat supper and go to bed, given how tired he was this morning.  I am pleased that he demonstrated responsibility and made sure to go to bed on time.  I am proud of him.

My daughter also had a few thoughts to share about her day.  She raised several issues that were disturbing her, primarily about certain dynamics at her school.  I tried to guide her a bit, but mostly I just listened.  I am glad she feels she can talk to me.

Today is my eldest's birthday.  She was not home all day.  I missed her.  My youngest was especially disappointed that her sister would not be around to celebrate her birthday.  My youngest is always very diligent about making something nice for our birthdays.  She clearly felt disappointed that her sister would not be receiving her gifts on her actual birthday. My youngest and I sang Happy Birthday to my eldest over the phone. We will celebrate more with her over Shabbat.

My kids are all growing up so fast....



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

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* In addition to practicing Shiatsu professionally, Idit volunteers her services to me and to the Yuri Stern Foundation.

Idit has a wonderful, warm, and relaxing treatment room in her home.
  
For regular treatments or to treat yourself to something special:
Idit Amir
077-757-8949
052-660-8442
Idit Amir amir.idit@gmail.com

God Bless My Friends

Wednesday night, after resting all day, I still felt exhausted!  I could feel a cold coming on: my nose was stuffy, I had post nasal drip and the accompanying cough, I had a sinus headache, and my muscles, especially my thighs muscles, hurt so much!

Since it is only the second day after chag (the holiday), and the first day after vacation, it sort of feels like a Sunday or Monday.  As I rested in bed this evening, all of a sudden, I realized Shabbat was only two days away!

Our vacation bags are still strewn all over the house, and I haven't even begun to attack the laundry.  How was I going to manage Shabbat if I was sick and tired??

I called a friend and neighbor who had told me several times that she likes it when people call to invite themselves.  I really enjoy hanging out with her and we have not had so many opportunities since she returned to work full-(+)-time.  I actually would have preferred to host her and her family, since we have been their guests several times, but that was not a viable option.  So, I called her and asked if she would like guests for lunch.  Not only did she invite us, she THANKED ME! 

Imagine that! 

She thanked me!

She made me feel so welcome!!

I really wanted to be home at night, so I could go to sleep early!  So, I called another friend who had also told me several times that she is happy to cook a meal for us on Shabbat (weekday cooking is extremely difficult for her).  She jumped at the opportunity, and she also THANKED ME!!

Cooking is such a burden for me.  It is difficult for me to fathom that other people do not dread it as much as I do.

The only reason I ever started cooking is because I like food.

Now, I do not even eat.  Not to mention that many smells, especially of cooked food, make me nauseus.

Still, for Shabbt, I cook for my family, and for guests, when I have them. 

I love having guests on Shabbat.  These days, since I never know how tired I will be, I often am afraid to invite people I do not know so well, lest I not be up for hosting.

Occasionally, I have even gone to sleep and skipped dinner.  I try not to, because Moshe and my kids really miss me.  So, usually, I push myself to at least sit at the table through the main part of the meal.  But, there is a good chance that this Shabbat I will not last the whole meal.

It took me only a few minutes, and just two phone calls, to pull together Shabbat for my family.

I feel so blessed!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

FOOD

Like many kids, I knew I would be a better parent than my own.

Like many parents, I now recognize my own hubris foolishness.

I was especially critical of my mother, certain that I could do everything she did, and more.  And I would do it better, as well.

Well, I might do some things better, but not everything.

And some things I do not manage at all.

Growing up, my mother always prepared dinner for us.  She might prepare/serve it hours later than anybody else, but she did it, every night.  She always served a protein, vegetable and carbohydrate.  And we always ate together. 

We ate what she put on he table.  If we did not like it, tough.  There were no substitutes. 

Eat or don't eat -- our choice.

I hated that.

So, I did things differently.

Now, everyone complains: "I don't like this; I hate that."

We can have a fridge full of food and my kids will complain "there is nothing to eat."

Last night, one of my kids complained, "you don't take care of us the way you used to."

I was never great at the food-thing.  I hate cooking.  It's harder now.  I cook less.

I get help.  Friends cook for us two times a week.  (At least, in theory.) 

Yet, food always seems to be an issue.

There never seems to be enough of the "yummy" food.

When my daughter sighed, and said, "you always used to make us pasta, with olive oil and spices...," I suggested that she make it herself.  It is easy to do and takes 15 minutes. (Why else would I make it so often?)

The very idea upset her.

I began to wonder if there are other issues at play.

How much of my children's complaints are really about food, and how much are they about needing to be nurtured?

Perhaps, under the surface, there is also an element of fear: "Why isn't Ima taking care of us the way she used to?" 



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Parental Patience and Understanding... Or Not

Last night, over dinner, my eldest daughter pondered aloud:

"How can there be communication between parents and children? Parents have already grown past what children are experiencing. How do parents understand children, when children are saying so many childish things?"

I responded "that's why God gave us so much patience...."

All three of my children burst out in laughter.

harumph!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Only Good Things

I want to share with you what happened today at chemo, but it will have to wait until tomorrow.

I am so tired. My plan for the evening was to blog and go to sleep.

But then I decided to sit with the kids for supper, which was REALLY nice. No one bickered or complained. We just sat around talking. It was really pleasant. (It is nice to know that can actually happen every now and then!)

Then Moshe called to see if it was okay with me if he went again (for the THIRD time) to the international book fair. He really wanted me to join him, but I was too tired. I would have liked him to come home and put the kids to bed, but then he would get to the fair too late. So I told him to go and have a good time. (For Moshe, going to the book fair is like letting a kid loose in a candy shop. Not to mention that Moshe ALWAYS encourages me to go out and do whatever I want. So how could I say no??)

After dinner, while the kids were doing their chores, I sat down to blog. Y, who has already finished her chore, notices me writing on the computer. She flashes me those puppy dog eyes that melt my soul, and cajoles "Aren't you going to teach me to read Megilla tonight?"

I vaguely remember putting her off already, at least twice. I realize that I must have, in a moment of insanity, offerred to teach her Megilla tonight. I realized I could not say no to her either.

I took a deep breath, smiled brightly, and said "Of course I am!"

After the kids got ready for bed, MD went to do homework on the computer, A went to clean her room, and Y & I sat on the couch and started learning.

It was really fun learning with her. She already knows how to read Torah, and she is very musical, so she caught on quickly to the new t'amim (notes). I did not remember all of the t'amim so well, so we put in a few calls to TS, who graciously sang the notes over the phone.

At 9:20, I gave 5 minute notices to all concerned. And at 9:25, I asked Y to put everyone to bed.

Y was so happy about our learning together, she did not even protest. Aderaba (just the opposite), she gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, "you're the best!"

Then she discovered that I had mended one of her favorite Shabbat skirts. (I have been catching up on my sewing during chemo -- more on that another time here) She was SOOOO HAPPY!! She gave me another hug and whispered in my ear, again, "you're the best!"

So while Y put her siblings to bed, I tidied up the kitchen counters (which are STILL clear and clean, 10 days and counting!!).

So, now you understand why I just cannot stay up and write any more.

Last night I was in bed by 10:00 (way early for me!) Tonight, it's 11:00 (still pretty early for me; I kid you not) and I have been ready to go to sleep for hours!

It was a long, challenging day, but it ended so great!!

Have I mentioned recently how much I love my kids?!?!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA