What A Long Strange Day It's Been....

I cannot remember how I started my day.... 

Oh yeah, a friend came over to do some "shopping" (I'll post more about that later....).  She left with a suitcase full of clothes for her younger boys.  YAY!!

My son got a late start (no great surprise there -- he was exhausted from yesterday's tiyul).  I got a little annoyed about how late he actually got up, but I managed to let my frustration go. I even made him lunch, so he left feeling good that his mother "took care of him."  It is such a funny stage -- he wants to be independent, but he also wants to be pampered.  Finding the right balance is.... challenging!

An hour later, another friend came over to treat me to shiatsu.*  What a pleasure!  I have been feeing overwhelmed and stressed for several days.  I felt so relaxed when she finished treating me!

Then I met with my "narrative therapist."  We have met several times already and I am still not sure exactly what "narrative therapy" is, but I find the sessions with her insightful.  (And she comes to my home, so it could not be easier!)  She asks probing questions that make me think.  My purpose in meeting with her, is to use our meetings to reach my concrete goal of getting my house in order (primarily decluttering, but also organizing....).  Today we mainly "caught up," after not meeting for several weeks.  She also helped me to refocus on my ultimate goal.

In the middle of our session, I got hungry.  That has not happened for the longest time!!

I actually ate some real food and enjoyed it.  I had a small piece of eggplant parmesan, a small slice of carrot cake, and a tall glass of milk.  I was still hungry afterwards, so I ate some honey roasted peanuts.  Not bad for someone who has not had an appetite for 10 months! 

A few hours later, I ate an early dinner with my two younger kids.  I had a bowl of soup and corn on the cob, with butter and salt.  What a simple pleasure to sit and eat with my kids!

I really enjoyed spending the time together.

Unfortunately, I am now paying the piper....  My stomach is grumbling and acting up again.

Perhaps I should have eaten toast with jam, but that is so boring!!   I wanted yummy food.

It was a very surrealistic day, slow, kind of wierd feelings. 

My daughter had her Kfitz Kfotz gymnastics presentation this evening.  This year, they did a local presentation, which I really appreciated.  It was much easier for me to attend a shorter program that was close to home.

When we arrived home, my son was already in bed, and on his way to never-never-land.  Before I left, we discussed what time he should eat supper and go to bed, given how tired he was this morning.  I am pleased that he demonstrated responsibility and made sure to go to bed on time.  I am proud of him.

My daughter also had a few thoughts to share about her day.  She raised several issues that were disturbing her, primarily about certain dynamics at her school.  I tried to guide her a bit, but mostly I just listened.  I am glad she feels she can talk to me.

Today is my eldest's birthday.  She was not home all day.  I missed her.  My youngest was especially disappointed that her sister would not be around to celebrate her birthday.  My youngest is always very diligent about making something nice for our birthdays.  She clearly felt disappointed that her sister would not be receiving her gifts on her actual birthday. My youngest and I sang Happy Birthday to my eldest over the phone. We will celebrate more with her over Shabbat.

My kids are all growing up so fast....



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

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* In addition to practicing Shiatsu professionally, Idit volunteers her services to me and to the Yuri Stern Foundation.

Idit has a wonderful, warm, and relaxing treatment room in her home.
  
For regular treatments or to treat yourself to something special:
Idit Amir
077-757-8949
052-660-8442
Idit Amir amir.idit@gmail.com

Tummy Breaks

My stomach is just not happy.

My oncologist advised me to take a break from the drugs for a few days.

I have to be honest, I skipped the drugs this morning because I just could not deal with my upset stomach.

I am so wiped out that I had to cancel swimming lessons today!!  I just could not drag my sorry little *** out of bed!  I also worried that teaching in the hot sun might cause dehydration.  I really do not want to end up in the hospital, and I am losing a lot of fluids....  I am drinking all day long, but I do not know how much I am retaining.

I felt so good yesterday, and today I just feel like a wet dishrag!

I slept for several hours and still feel drained.

At least, I am catching a few extra moments with my girls!  (my son is on tiyul with sayarut)

My stomach feels so awful! (I have not even mentioned my cracked hands and mouth sores!)

I hate this!!


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Feeling Sorry for Myself

My tummy troubles are not going away. Last week, day 2 was the worst. After that, it got better.

This week, I expected day 2 (Shabbat) would be pretty miserable. Naively, I did not expect tummy troubles on day 3 (Sunday).

I woke up and almost immediately needed to take a Loperamide (Imodium). In just over 24 hours, I took 9 Loperamide pills.

A few weeks ago, my oncologist gave me instructions to contact him if I needed over 6 pills and to go straight to the hospital if I needed 8 pills.

I jotted off a quick note to my oncologist, explaining the current workings of my bowels and my desire to avoid going to the ER. He called and advised that I "drink like a fish."

I went to my Sunday morning shiur (Torah study class), tried to ignore my upset tummy, and drank, and drank, and drank.

After class, I drove to Hadassah for my second MRI in two weeks.

On my way, I stopped to pick up more Loperamide. My stomach was grumbling a lot and I worried that I might need to use the bathroom in the middle of the MRI, which would mess up the test. The next time I needed to take a pill, I took two, just to be safe.

At Hadassah, I ran into a friend of mine, KB, who is waiting for a new heart. She has been in the hospital for over a month and will be there until she gets a heart ("if I only had a heart..."). Always looking for something interesting to do, she joined me while I waited for my MRI. We swapped "war stories."

Soon enough, the technician called me in for the MRI.

Inside the "inner chamber," I stretched out my left arm so the nurse could insert the needle for the contrast. It was easier this time. I think she used a smaller needle.

Once inside the MRI machine, I drifted off to sleep. I woke as the doctor tried to inject the contrast... and failed.

Something was going wrong, but I could not see and nobody was explaining anything. I could feel the staff poking and prodding my arm.

Then... PAIN!

They removed the needle, but the pain got worse.

I complained about the pain and was told "the needle is out; there is nothing else to do." As the pain increased, my tolerance level decreased. I found myself crying in pain, with no one to help me.

They removed me from the missile launcher MRI machine and I tried to regain my composure.

I did not want another needle stuck in me, but I also did not want to do the test without the contrast.

Eventually, I allowed the nurse to spary a topical anesthetic on my hand and insert the needle there.

When the MRI was finally over, I felt battered and worn out.

I know that I will have pain, not to mention big black and blue marks, on my arm and hand.

I know this should not be such a big deal.

I hate the pain and the humiliation.

At night, my arm still felt sore, as it does now (the next day).

Moshe was sympathetic, but there was nothing he could do to help.

I felt sorry for him, knowing how sad he felt for not being able to make me feel better.

Mostly, I felt sorry for myself.

At the end of the day, I was so worn out, I could not even blog.

As I nodded off in front of my computer, I forced myself to get up and dragged myself to bed.

I just wanted to fall into bed and I could not even do that!

My sheets were still in the laundry!!

This was just too much for me.

I called out to Moshe that I was going to sleep on the couch.

"Why?" He asked, confused.

"My bed's not made and I just can't wait," I whined, as I flopped onto the couch and crawled under the covers.

I just wanted this horrible day to end.

Within seconds, I was fast asleep.




Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Tummy Troubles

(from last night... I can't post from my bedroom. One day, we'll hook up that second router...)


My tummy is so sad.

No, not sad… upset.

That’s it.

My tummy is upset.

Apparently, Taxotere does not agree with my stomach.

They have been disagreeing with each other all week!

I do not have nausea… at least, nothing to get worked up about.

But I do have… well… I guess there is no way to say this nicely…

I have diarrhea.

(Those of you who know me can just pretend that you did not read these intimate details about my digestive tract)

What can I say? I have had a miserable day, most of which was spent in the bathroom.

I slept for several hours this afternoon and, when I woke up, I did not feel any better.

I sat down to dinner with my kids, but then I needed to excuse myself.

I asked my eldest to take care of cleaning up and putting her siblings to bed.

She had a teenage moment and quite articulately expressed her resentment about doing “my job.”

She was right. But what could I do?

Moshe was not home yet and I needed to go back to bed.

In the end, she did everything I asked.

I called her into my bedroom. She came right away and flopped down on her Abba’s (father’s) bed. When I asked her to do one more thing for me, she responded, rather dejectedly, “I thought you were calling me in to talk.”

Clearly, she needed some attention. (I may not always “get it” right away, but you don’t need to hit me over the head with a hammer!)

We started to talk about this and that and then I remembered. We needed to think of a name for our camp.

Now, our camp is a subject for a different post, but I will just share with you what happened while we were brainstorming.

We got the giggles.

Seriously!

You know how it is when you get the giggles…. You just cannot stop laughing.

Every silly suggestion makes you laugh even harder.

Well, we were rolling with laughter!

I answered the phone several times in the middle and I know we sounded quite loony! That just made us laugh even harder!

When we finally finished, we were both in really good moods.

Just then, my youngest came in, rather contrite.

My eldest, having received the attention she needed, gracefully exited the room and made way for her little sister.

I invited my youngest to sit on my bed and offered to comb out her long hair. There is something very nurturing about combing out hair. (I think my feelings about it stem from when I read Cheaper by the Dozen)

I tortured combed her hair for about 20 minutes, in the middle of which she apologized. (No need to elaborate about forgiven sins)

When I finished, and her hair was all shiny and smooth, and we had a nice reconciliatory hug. Then several more hugs, just because we love each other.

Lest you worry that my son was left out of all these good feelings, in between one of my trips between my bathroom and bedroom, I made sure to give him some positive feedback and get, of course, a nice good night hug!

Not too bad for a mom suffering from stomach problems.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA