BBQ Get-Away

Friends invited us for a Thursday night BBQ and then extended the invitation through Shabbat.

I did not sleep much, but I had a great time, stargazing, talking late into the night, playing games during the day, and, of course, eating good food.

I do not know what magic ingredients they used for cooking, but I actually ate real food while we were there.

I even ate meat... and enjoyed it!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

God Bless My Friends

Wednesday night, after resting all day, I still felt exhausted!  I could feel a cold coming on: my nose was stuffy, I had post nasal drip and the accompanying cough, I had a sinus headache, and my muscles, especially my thighs muscles, hurt so much!

Since it is only the second day after chag (the holiday), and the first day after vacation, it sort of feels like a Sunday or Monday.  As I rested in bed this evening, all of a sudden, I realized Shabbat was only two days away!

Our vacation bags are still strewn all over the house, and I haven't even begun to attack the laundry.  How was I going to manage Shabbat if I was sick and tired??

I called a friend and neighbor who had told me several times that she likes it when people call to invite themselves.  I really enjoy hanging out with her and we have not had so many opportunities since she returned to work full-(+)-time.  I actually would have preferred to host her and her family, since we have been their guests several times, but that was not a viable option.  So, I called her and asked if she would like guests for lunch.  Not only did she invite us, she THANKED ME! 

Imagine that! 

She thanked me!

She made me feel so welcome!!

I really wanted to be home at night, so I could go to sleep early!  So, I called another friend who had also told me several times that she is happy to cook a meal for us on Shabbat (weekday cooking is extremely difficult for her).  She jumped at the opportunity, and she also THANKED ME!!

Cooking is such a burden for me.  It is difficult for me to fathom that other people do not dread it as much as I do.

The only reason I ever started cooking is because I like food.

Now, I do not even eat.  Not to mention that many smells, especially of cooked food, make me nauseus.

Still, for Shabbt, I cook for my family, and for guests, when I have them. 

I love having guests on Shabbat.  These days, since I never know how tired I will be, I often am afraid to invite people I do not know so well, lest I not be up for hosting.

Occasionally, I have even gone to sleep and skipped dinner.  I try not to, because Moshe and my kids really miss me.  So, usually, I push myself to at least sit at the table through the main part of the meal.  But, there is a good chance that this Shabbat I will not last the whole meal.

It took me only a few minutes, and just two phone calls, to pull together Shabbat for my family.

I feel so blessed!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Playing Games

I skipped my Shabbat nap this week.

Instead, I spent the entire afternoon playing games with my son.

We had so much fun!  We played Pente, Abalone, Cartagena, and Settlers of Catan.

After I beat him at Escape from Cartagena, I asked him if he knew from where I learned my strategy.

He knew.

"From me," he answered, with a grin.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shabbat with My Rav

The last time I spent Shabbat with my Rav and his family, I was single.

A few years later, after Moshe and I married, we planned to spend Shabbat with my Rav and his family.  Unfortunately, at the last minute, Moshe got sick and we had to cancel.

One thing led to another, and ten years passed.

We spent this Shabbat with them.

I had such a good time.  They are such a special family.

After Shabbat, my Rav's wife, took out her calendar and asked, "When are you coming again?"

I feel privileged to be such a welcomed guest in their home.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shabbat Gifts -- Family Time

Shabbat was tough.

On Friday morning, I realized I was just not ok. One of the women, who organize the local Chessed ("acts of kindness") group, happened to call me on Friday. When she heard my voice, she immediately asked if she could organize meals for us. It was already mid-morning on a Friday, when Shabbat comes in so early!

I hesitated. I would not have dared to call and ask for this. But here she was.... offering it!!

"Is it really a possibility?" I asked, giving her a chance to rethink her offer.

She assured me that it would be no problem.

I knew I should accept. I did not feel well, my energy was still low, Moshe and my son were still sick (and, therefore, useless as far as Shabbat preparations go), my youngest was as school and would likely be tired when she got home (not yet being fully recovered), the house was a disaster, and there would only be so much I could ask of my eldest, the only really healthy person in the house.

I did a quick mental calculation: I already had two raw chickens in my refrigerator.....

It would be difficult for someone to make us soup, especially in the quantities that we eat it on Shabbat.

"OK," I agreed, but I will make chicken and soup.

What a bracha (blessing), not having to worry about anything else!!

I went to lie down to rest for a few minutes, to gather my strength.

My eldest, God bless her, came home and went straight to work, tidying up what she could.

I had thought she might be willing to make the soup and chicken, with a bit of guidance. I was wrong. She was repulsed at the thought of touching dead chickens. I could not blame her.

I was her age, when I decided that if the thought of touching dead chickens so repulsed me then I should not eat them. My mother objected to my vegetarian inclinations, but soon after, I became a vegetarian, the way only Jews can be vegetarians ("What? That potato touched a piece of chicken? I cannot eat it now!") Who else in the world refuses to eat vegetables just because they touch a piece of meat?!

Clearly, I was not going to traumatize my own daughter by insisting that she make chicken soup!

Then, my youngest, God bless her too, volunteered to make it! She was so positive and enthusiastic! But I felt she was still a bit young to do it on her own.

"Come," I invited, "I will show you how, so you can do it next time."

It was fun cooking with her. I was not in my best form, but she had such a positive attitude that I was able to keep going.

When we finished, I still had the daunting task of cleaning off our Shabbat Table -- we had not eaten at the Shabbat Table since Yom Kippur, so it had become quite a repository of... everything, from important medical documents to junk mail!

Cleaning the Shabbat Table is the bane of my existence.

Once that was done, I was able to rest until the table was set and we were ready to eat.

I managed to stay at the table for most of the meal, even though I was finished (in all senses of the word) after the soup.

When I went to lie down, it was still early, but I had to lie down. I was sorry to leave my family, who were in a lively discussion about parshat hashavua (the weekly Torah portion).

When my son left the table, I invited him to come, sit with me and keep me company. About twenty minutes later, my eldest daughter joined us. Eventually, my youngest joined us as well.

It's been a long time since we all lounged around in my bed, joking and hanging out.

At one point, Moshe, who must have wondered what happened to all the kids, wandered in. "So, this is where everybody is hiding!" he said, bemused.

It was one of those precious moments that you want to engrave in your memory!

Shabbat day was pretty slow moving. But it was also filled with good family moments.

Oh yeah, and LOTS of sleep!!




Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Flu -- I got it

Well, I just lost a week.

On this, one of the busiest weeks of the year, being the week "after the chagim," I did NOTHING but sleep and watch really bad TV.

I did not even enjoy the rest!

Besides feeling yucky, my muscles hurt so badly, I felt like someone beat me up with a bat! Sleep was my only escape, but the pain kept waking me up. My regular pain killers did not relieve the muscle pain.

Even the TV was not such an effective distraction. I wanted to watch funny things (laughing makes you feel better) but everything was either scary, depressing or just BAD.

I love having a TV in my bedroom, for when I am sick or too tired to get out of bed. I really want to hook up a DVD, so I can watch what I want, instead of the junk on TV.

We even have the DVD, I am just too technologically challenged to hook it up.

Moshe can do it, but he has been too busy (working, picking up all the other loose ends, being sick himself, you get the idea...) to get around to it.

My laptop is supposed to play DVDs, but I can't get that to work either. (Not to mention it overheats and then crashes.... but I hope to get a new one soon.)

It is so frustrating!!

All this technology, and I just lay there bored out of my mind!!

I did not even feel like talking on the phone with friends. I still have not gotten my voice back and I just don't feel like talking! That is how you know I am really sick!!

And, obviously, I had no strength even to blog!

Anyway, I am feeling a bit better today, but still not that great.

Don't get too worried about me. My mood will pick up as soon as I start feeling better.

Meanwhile, we have cancelled our Shabbat plans - no guests and no going out. I would not want to infect anyone else!

It will be an in-Shabbat for us.

And my eldest, the only one who has not yet gotten the flu, will be wearing a mask!

I learned my lesson the hard way.


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Empty Nest -- A Glimpse into the Future

Aaack! I was in the middle of a longer post, and just saw the time!! So here is another thought I wanted to share. It is short and to the point
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All our kids were away this Shabbat.

Our eldest went on a Shabbat Mashatzim (weekend youth leadership seminar), that brought together religious and secular youth.

Our youngest went to her cousins, by herself, by bus. She's been waiting for this for three weeks!
And our son, not wanting to be left home alone (we, his parents, obviously do not count), went to his friend (the one with whom he would move in, if we let him!).

It was just Moshe and me. It reminded me of when we went away for our 15th anniversary, only we were home. Since we did not get a chance to go away for our anniversary this year, this Shabbat was a real treat.

It was nice to spend all that time together, just the two of us.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shabbat Shiur

One of the really special things about my neighborhood is the warmth and openness of the residents.

Nowhere is this more evident than at the weekly shiurim (Torah study sessions) for women on Shabbat.

Each week, a different woman from the community prepares a shiur (session). The women come from diverse backgrounds and each shiur gives us an opportunity not just to learn Torah, but also to get to know the women who live in our community.

Every week, around 30 women (sometimes more) gather together to hear the shiur. Often, there is group participation and sometimes the discussion continues even after the shiur has ended.

Despite all our differences, everyone is respectful of each other. There are women who possess tremendous knowledge of Torah and women whose knowlege is based mostly on folklore. There are women who are academics and women who are "dosim" (from a frum (religious) background, in which secular education is devalued). There are women who are young and old, religious and not so religious, intellectual and spiritual, conservative and liberal, right wing and left wing. There are women from every angle of the dati-leumi (religious Zionist) spectrum, and those who are from completely different worlds. Everyone is welcome.

And yet, no one berates anyone else's background, even when they disagree with their opinion. And no one skips a shiur because the person giving the shiur is "not her style."

I LOVE attending these shiurim.

When I moved to Homat Shmuel (a.k.a. Har Homa), I realized that going to this shiur would be the only way for me to really meet women in our community. My kids were too old for me to "hang out with the moms" in the park or to meet moms in the local school. (My kids were too old to enroll in the local school, with the exception of my youngest. However, it did not make sense to enroll her in a different school from her brother and sister, which would result in my having to pick up kids at the same time from two very distant locations!)

So, from the beginning (when we moved in), I regularly attended the shiur. Then, with all the surgeries (two years; three surgeries), my attendance dropped. Still, I went whenever I felt I could.

All that ended two years ago, when I started chemo. I just stopped going. I am too tired. I have to sleep on Shabbat. In fact, I have to sleep A LOT.

The result is that I feel rather disconnected. Whenever I meet women from the shiur, they ask why I do not come anymore. Often, they include a compliment about missing my input (I often comment or ask questions). Typically, I just smile, say how much I miss the shiur, and explain that I am usually resting during that hour.

More than that, I feel like I have not really integrated in the neighborhood as much as I would have expected.

Don't get me wrong. It is not like I am isolated. I know a lot of people here and have several good friends; but I had expected to be much more involved, both in our shul (synagogue) and in the community at large (such as participating in local municipal committees, which I did even before the neighborhood was built!). I just cannot commit to being active on a committee when I can barely keep things together in my own home (and barely is an understatement!).

I also had visions of organizing women for some sort of women's tefillah group, like Shirat Sara (my women's tefillah group in Talpiot). The closest I have come to that dream is hosting a women's megillah reading on Purim.

Recently, a friend told me about another women in the neighborhood who is also very into Jewish religious feminism. I actually met her in shul once, and had a very interesting conversation with her (it turns out that she was running the hadracha (informal education) department at Melitz when I was working there, oh, so many years ago....).

Anyway, when I saw that this woman was delivering the shiur this past Shabbat, I decided that I would make every effort to attend.

I almost missed it.

I forgot to ask Moshe to wake me in time.

Lucky for me, Moshe finished learning with our son "just in time" and woke me as he was getting ready for his Shabbat nap. It was five in the afternoon, just the time that the shiur begins.

I was about to roll over and go back to sleep when Moshe asked "Didn't you just say that you want to go to the shiur?"

That was all the "push" I needed. I forced myself out of bed, quickly got dressed, and walked as fast as I could to the shiur.

It was worth it.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Quiet Shabbat

As great as it is to be with family, it is also great to be returning to our "normal" routine.

We had a lovely, quiet Shabbat.

We were invited out to dinner with friends whose company we all really enjoy. (Bonus: they live only 8 buildings away, so it is a short walk to their home.)

It was almost midnight when we arrived at home, but everyone was in a nice, relaxed mood. The kids and I hung out in the living room, just chatting for a while.... until Moshe reminded us of the time.

Then we all went to bed.

I got up early enough in the morning to help my son wake up and go to shul with his dad. I knew he really wanted to go, but it is really hard for him to get up in the morning.... like his mom.

Once my son was ready to go, I put the food on the hotplate to warm up and... went back to sleep.

Oh, yeah, first I took my chemo drugs....

My girls were still asleep when Moshe and my son returned home; I was almost back asleep as well. I asked Moshe to wake me when we were ready to eat.

I really needed the extra sleep.

Lunch was terrific! I pulled together the entire meal completely from the freezer: perfect Basmati white rice (leftovers from when my MIL cooked for us for Shabbat), delicious chicken (cooked by a friend on a day that we did not actually need food), broccoli (left over from last Shabbat) and chicken soup (from my sister's freezer).

My youngest daughter, with a wink in her eye, looked at the full Shabbat table and asked: "Who cooked this meal?"

The best part of the meal: my eldest daughter (15) looked at all of us around the table and said "It is so nice to be together, just us."



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shabbat & Shiv'a

This was the last Shabbat before the rest of my family leaves. Everyone but my dad, who had to return to work immediately after the Bar Mitzvah, is still here.

My sister would have been happy to host us all again, but we were really hot at her place last Shabbat. So, despite the balagan (mess) at my home, everyone converged at our home.

Truthfully, it is more comfortable for me in my own home. (I imagine my sister feels the same way.)

Everyone helped make this Shabbat happen, especially my sister and sister-in-law. My youngest also helped above and beyond the call of duty, especially on Friday.

It was so great to be together for Shabbat. I love being with my brother and sister. We are all close and it is so hard for us to live so far apart.

I especially love watching my two kids playing with their cousins. (My eldest is still away on "seminarion.")

All of my son's best qualities come out when he is with his little cousins (ages 2 and 5). My nephews, God bless them, are a real handful. My son seems to have infinite patience with them. He is gentle, and tolerant, and caring. And he is so forgiving. One of his nephews broke off pieces from his model of the Beit HaMidash (that he built with his Abba, and is one of his most prized possessions); my son did not lose his cool nor bear his nephew a grudge (though he did lock his door for a few days).

My son recently mentioned that he wants to babysit for other kids. I can see that he will be good at it. He is responsible and nurturing around little kids. And he has that "magic" that his father has -- little kids love to be held and cared for by him.

Today, my son asked if he helped care for his little sister when she was a baby. He did. Quite well.

My youngest also has a very special relationship with her nephews. She has that same "magic." Her cousins adore her.

Amazingly, my two kids played with their cousins without any sort of competition. It was very heartwarming to watch them.

Shabbat ended too soon and we all needed to go our own way.

Moshe and I went to the Shiv'a of Tamar bat Na'ama, z"l. (I recently wrote about her in this post)

(I was surprised to meet at the Shiv'a two other people I know whose lives are touched by cancer. The husband of M, from my support group, who is related to Tamar's father. And R, who also has stage 4 breast cancer, is also related (I forget how). It was strange to come together in this way.)

Tamar was only 12 ½ when she lost her battle with cancer, last Tuesday. Her optimism and love of life made it easy for others to underestimate how sick she was. Many of her classmates did not even know that she was still in treatment. She just wanted to be a "normal" kid and live life to the fullest, which she did.

Like so many others, I also believed she would be okay. How could she not be, with such a fighting spirit?

I am so saddened by her death. I am so sad for her parents and her siblings.

And I am scared. She was young, and strong, and positive, and full of life.... If cancer can claim her life, after only four years....

I just don't want to think about it.

Tamar was an exceptional young girl, and her family did everything they could to help her live her life the way she wanted, with faith and joy and full of activity!

Tamar spent her last days at home, surrounded by the warmth and love of her family.

In her final moments, as breathing became increasingly difficult, she turned to her mother and father and said: "I feel that I am dying. I love you. Do not cry."

Then, with her final breath, she recited: שמע ישראל ה' אלקינו ה' אחד
(Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one)

I pray that when my time comes I will have the strength to let go with the same grace.

יהי זיכרה ברוך -- May her memory be a blessing



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Bar Mitzvah Shabbat -- and all my angels

I had thought that I would do my son's Bar Mitzvah basically the way I did my daughter's.

How different could it be?

Well, besides the whole Tefillin thing (which is a subject for a different post), I am not the same as I was three years ago.

For my daughter's Bat Mitzvah, I cooked all the food for the Bat Mitzvah Shabbat in advance. My daughter read torah in our very special women's tefillah group. For the kiddush, friends helped bake and prepare fruit and vegetable platters and I also bought a bunch of stuff (like chumus, crackers and junk food for kids).

Everything was very simple, and very good.

Friday night dinner we ate dinner with immediate family only (and our friends, who were hosting us for that Shabbat). For tefillot and kiddush, we invited EVEYONE we knew in the Baka/Katamon/Talpiot/Rechavia area -- we figured מי שבא, ברוך הבא ("Whoever comes is welcome!"). For Shabbat lunch, we rearranged the kiddush tables and set up for lunch in the same space -- for this meal we included guests who had come to Jerusalem for our simcha and friends who had walked from far away.

It was a lot of work, but manageable.

Cleaning up the kiddush room on Saturday night was the hardest part and one of my very good friends came to help us with that.

This time around, my family encouraged (read: pressured) me to order Shabbat food. I resisted -- most ready-made food is high in oil and salt. I wanted to prepare the food myself, but I had a back-up plan: two months before the Bar Mitzvah, a friend offered to organize meals for us, and she kept repeating the offer every few days .

I thought I could manage to cook the food myself... until I found out about the brain mets and radiation. When I discovered how tired the radiation made me, all illusions about preparing food myself dissipated....

The next time my friend offered to arrange meals for us, I did not put her off. Instead, I took a deep breath and said "Thank you, that would be very helpful!"

I do not know why it is so difficult to just accept help. Even after all this time, it is!

This friend, one of the many angels God has sent me, took responsiblity for organizing EVERY aspect of the meals. The food was both delicious and healthful!! What a bracha (blessing)!!!

As Shabbat approached, I realized I would need more help. I spoke with several friends who were happy to help, but I could not find the time or energy to direct them.

Then, God sent me another angel. A week before Shabbat, another friend offered to take responsibility for the entire kiddush, including making calls and seeing what needed to be done (we have a large community, and I had no idea where to start). Before starting, she just wanted to make sure that I did not feel the need to do it myself.

By that point, I realized that I could not do it myself and gladly gave the task over to her. What a weight lifted off my shoulders! I passed her my list of people who had offered to help (bake, prepare platters, etc.). Then, every time another friend offered to help, I asked her to bake and directed her to my coordinator.

I do not think my coordinator realized how many friends, thank God, were baking/preparing food, because the kiddush was enormous!!

I did not even get a chance to see what there was! I spent the kiddush talking with friends and just basking in the joy of having heard my son read Torah and Haftorah so beautifully. (for more about our son's Aliyah LaTorah (Torah reading) see here)

Only at the very end did I see the beautiful cake my downstairs neighbor baked, with a set of tefillin on it!

At one point, a neighbor handed me a piece of kugel Yerushalmi, but I only managed to eat a few bites. I barely tasted anything, but that was ok.

Someone did make a Napolian pastry (I LOVE custard) and I did get a piece of that! Yumm!!

I took the opportunity to address the community, to thank everyone, both from within the community and from without, especially those who hiked in from Talpiot, Baka, Katamon, and even Rehavia!

The Bar Mitzvah Shabbat was particularly HOT, even early in the morning! I felt so blessed to have friends who trekked so far just to hear our son read and to be a part of our simcha!! I really felt embraced by friends and community.

This time, it was too much for me to try and organize a meal with all our guests, so friends ate with other friends in the community.

Our immediate family ate both meals at our home, where I was most comfortable. We were 14 people: Moshe's parents, my parents, my sister, my brother, his wife and their two kids (ages 5 and 2) and, of course, our family of five. (we have five people in our family, 1-2-3-4-5!)

My sister in law, who almost NEVER goes away for Shabbat, also came in for Shabbat with her family (they have seven kids). They took full advantage of being in the neighborhood. They ate the first Shabbat meals with close friends, from their (destroyed) community in Gush Katif, and the second with cousins, who live a few houses away from us. They did join us for seudah shlishit (the 3rd Shabbat meal), but that is a less formal meal, and we were able to all squeeze in (the kids all leave the table within a few minutes anyway).


Thanks to all my angels, I was able to conserve my energy and focus on the important things:
* Getting to shul on time (I even made it to Kabbalat Shabbat)
* Hearing my son read Torah and Haftorah
and
* Spending time with family

I had a wonderful Shabbat!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shabbat as it Should Be

Just when I needed a chance to rest, Shabbat arrived!

We were invited out for dinner and we had lunch at home.

I had invited guests, but they were unavailable -- that turned out to be a bracha! (blessing)

I really enjoyed being just with the family for lunch.

We all spent a lot of time running around last week; it was nice to have some "down time" (as my father likes to call it).

I love spending time together on Shabbat.

Before we moved, we used to have guests all the time, for both meals. After we moved, and I began my various treatments, it took a long time before we felt able to host. Even when we did, we only hosted one meal.

I discovered the simple joy of just being with my family on Shabbat.

Since then, we almost never host both meals.

I did not stop to consider that if we went out for one meal and had guests for the other then we would not have any time just to ourselves. By the time I figured that out, I had already made the invitation.

Luckily, when we found out our friends could not join us, I refrained from inviting another family. At the time, I just felt so tired, I did not feel up to hosting.

Later, I realized that we really needed that time together as a family.

It was not a "perfect" Shabbat. Some of the kids were not feeling so well. In fact, after lunch EVERYONE took a nap. (Rarely do the kids sleep on Shabbat!)

Still, I enjoyed the conversations we had together.

Even more, I enjoyed just being together.

That is really what it is all about.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Slow Down!!

I have been on "fast forward" since the Tupperware Party and my battery has burned out!!

Most of last week was spent preparing for the party on Wednesday night. It was great! But, boy, were we all tired by the time it was over!!

"No rest for the weary!!" (I don't know where that quote is from, but my mom says it all the time!)

Thursday was a LOOOONG chemo day -- with all three drugs and a full body x-ray*! No rest when I got home either! First, my eldest interviewed me for her "avodat shorashim" (family research project). Then everyone needed something and Moshe had to work late.

Friday morning, I was up and at 'em, bright and early (for me). We were off to Be'er Sheva to celebrate the brit (circumcision) of R&R's son.

Clever me, I arranged to spend Shabbat with other good friends in Be'er Sheva. So we only had to drive one way on Friday. We spent Shabbat with Sarah, who blogs over at Chronicles of an NF Survivor, and her family. (Sarah and I have been friends since we were single, well before either of us had any serious health issues. You know, when we were young and going to live forever!!)

For over a year, we have been trying to get together for Shabbat. For one reason or another, each time we set a date, one of us had to cancel. This time, at the last minute, everything came together!

After the brit, I baked chocolate brownies with Sarah's ADORABLE kids! I never bake, but since this was my only responsibility, I had so much fun!!

Then, I helped cut vegetables for sushi (YUMMMMM) and hung out with Sarah as she rolled and cut a lot of sushi. Kitchen work is not nearly as tedious when you have company!! But it still takes time!!

Friday evening, Sarah and I hung out while our husbands, and her kids, were at shul (synagogue). (My kids had made their own Shabbat plans. My youngest was brutally honest when she declared "we don't want to spend Shabbat with your boring friends!")

After Friday night dinner, both Sarah and I were ready to crash. Before heading off to bed, we went out to walk the dog.... the night air was so pleasant.... when we got back home, we sat for just a few minutes on the porch.... boy, were we surprised to discover that we talked 'till 1:00 in the morning!!

I slept in on Shabbat!!

Lunch was leisurely.

It was late afternoon when R (the ba'alat simcha, i.e. mother of the newborn) knocked on the door.

"You're still in the middle of lunch?" She asked, eyes widened in surprise. She had waited long enough, or so she thought, for us to finish lunch and our Shabbat afternoon nap!

After lunch, Sarah took a nap and I hung out with R 'till the end of Shabbat.

I had such a great Shabbat!! But I didn't get much sleep.... Who wants to waste time sleeping? I had to talk with my friends!!

Saturday night, my wonderful sister picked up all my kids and brought them home. Meanwhile, Moshe and I went from Be'er Sheva to Beit Shemesh, to T&JG, for a Melaveh Malkah. (religious term for a Saturday night get-together/party!)

Don't ask me what I did on Sunday. I don't think I did anything. The day passed in a kind of haze.

Monday morning, I got up and began my day... then changed my mind. At 9:15 I went back to bed and did not emerge from my slumber until 12:15, when the phone rang five different times!!

I taught swimming Monday afternoon. Then I went to bed. (OK, not right away, but plenty early for me!)

Tuesday morning (today), Moshe woke me up.

"I can't move!" I mumbled.

He reminded me that we had a brit and that I asked him to wake me up. I wanted to wake up, I really did, but I could not. I realized that I just had to slow down! My body could not keep up!

"I have to sleep," I muttered, "I'm sorry."

Within seconds I fell fast asleep.

When I woke up, Moshe was still home. There was still time to make it to the brit. We dashed out of the house!

I have to slow down... but not that much!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA


* Every 25 weeks I have a full body x-ray as part of the bone drug (Zomera/Zometa vs. Denosumab) research.

Shabbat -- Just the Three of Us

If you have not already done so, please read my post about What I Really Want for my Birthday

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In theory, I would have liked all my kids to be home for my bein-hazmanim-birthday-Shabbat.

But, I had not realized that would be this Shabbat, when I told my son he could spend Shabbat with his friend.

So, when A also received an invitation to spend Shabbat at her friend's home, I could not find a good reason to say "no."

I worried how Y would feel about being home all alone, with none of her siblings. She was THRILLED!! She was so excited to have an opportunity to have all of our attention! She was SOOO CUTE!!!

What a wonderful Shabbat we had!

Dinner was intense, as Y is questioning all sorts of things these days (she is a teenager, after all). I had to rest in the middle of the meal, and just went to put my feet up in the living room.... and drifted off to sleep. I do remember that Y brought me an extra blanket....

In the morning, Y & I had breakfast together. In addition to our standard cereal and milk, Y suggested we have jelly beans for breakfast. How could I resist her sweet smile? I succumbed. So, we ate jelly beans for breakfast. What fun!

Lunch was only slightly less intense. We still discussed all sorts of pressing issues. But with a lot more laughter. In the middle, Y showed us hand symbols for all sorts of animals. It was very entertaining. And fed into our silly mood.

Our friend TS came by in the middle of lunch, so that was fun too.

Soon after, I needed to put up my feet again. This time, both Y & I drifted off to sleep in the living room. We woke up in time for dessert!

In the morning, Y had told me that she wanted to play Pente in the afternoon. After lunch, I thought I would take a nap. But Y again expressed her interest in playing Pente. So, we spent an hour or so playing. By the end, she had figured out a decent strategy. The better she got, the more fun it was to play!

Eventually, I had to cut out and go lie down. It was ok. By then, it was only a short while before Y would leave for "sneef" (youth group).

I don't know if I can accurately capture the feeling of this Shabbat. It was intense, and fun, and serious, and light-hearted. We talked about all sorts of "real" things, and we laughed a lot too. It was wonderful.

At the end of the day, Y said "I liked being the only child! We should do this again!"



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Catching Up

I thought that when I came home from the retreat, I would spend the afternoon catching up with my kids and doing some of those things that need to get done.

Silly me.

I greeted my kids, gave and received hugs, heard a bit about what they had to say, and fell into bed. I slept for three hours! I woke for a bit, had dinner with my kids, and went back to sleep.

The next day I had chemo. I don't remember what I did afterwards. I meant to sleep, but that did not happen.

Friday, I managed to cook for Shabbat, and then I slept all Shabbat. In the afternoon, Moshe suggested we listen to MD read the first aliyah (section) of his Torah reading. I really wanted to sleep, but how could I say no? What a pleasure! I did not expect him to read so nicely. Then Moshe went to lie down and I stayed with MD to listen again, and help improve his reading. It was a really nice time together.

I had wanted to teach my son to read, but I just could not find the time and energy to do it. So, one of our neighbors is teaching him. It was nice to have a chance to teach my son, without the pressure of having to teach him. He is just beginning....

Saturday night, we ALL watched Star Trek. What a treat to have Y with us as well.

Then Moshe wanted to go out to see "Two Legacies," Einat Kapach's documentary film about her grandparents, the Rabbanit Kapach, famous for her many acts of chessed (righteous deeds), and Rav Yosef Kapach z"l, who was the foremost authority on the Rambam. I could have easily just gone to bed. Instead, despite the rain, we went to the Cinemateque. Only an hour long, the film was very interesting, and beautifully done, but too short. I was glad we went. (Added bonus: there was handicapped parking right in front, so we did not have to walk too far in the rain!)

Sunday was a crazy day. In the afternoon, I went to Ofek (the city's gifted and talented program), for the end of the semester presentations. This semester, MD learned robotics and juggling. Every week, he brings home a Diablo and practices in all his free time. He is really quite good.

I had arranged for MD to get a ride home with someone so that I could go straight to my support group. The program at Ofek ended at 6:00 and my support group began at 6:00. My plan was to zip over to my group.

Then I spaced out! There is no other explanation for what happened next besides chemo brain.

After Ofek, I couldn't figure out why I was so pressured, since I had plenty of time to get to my support group by 8:00. I could have even taken my son home, and come back again. The wires in my brain were completely crossed! I confused the ending time of my support group with the beginning time.

At 6:30, my friend TK called to see if I was coming to the group. I answered "Of course! I'll see you at 8:00!" She started laughing. Only then, I realize what happened.

I arrived an hour late. Suffice it to say that I was unable to raise all those topics that I had been waiting to talk about! How frustrating!! The discussion that we had was interesting (about priorities and making time for the people who are most important to us -- our husbands and kids), but it was not the discussion I had wanted to have. Also, you would not think it would be so hard to drop what we are doing and pay attention to those nearest and dearest, but it is. At least, it is for all of us. The facilitator made certain that we ended the meeting with practical suggestions, shifting the focus from what we are doing "wrong," to what we can be doing better.

Monday, I was still so tired. The thought even flitted across my mind to cancel lessons. I am so glad that I did not. My classes were AMAZING!! So many of my kids had the best lessons that they have had to date! I felt so wonderful after class!

And here we are.

It is Tuesday afternoon and my house is quiet. MD just went off for his Bar Mitzvah lessons. The girls are out on "netiyot" (tree planting for Tu B'Shvat, even though Tu B'Shvat is not until next week) with their youth group. (These days, both girls are in Ezra. A joined Ezra, to be with her older sister. Y is happy to have her little sister in the same youth group, and she really looks after her. It works for me!)

In theory, I could sleep or get something done.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shabbat

Shabbat dinner was over by 7:30; by 8:00, we were all in bed!!

Moshe was sick.

I was tired.

Y was beyond tired, having stayed up all night on Thursday night with her youth group.

MD didn't feel well either, and easily went to sleep early.

A would have happily curled up on the couch and gone to sleep there. But, these days, we prefer the kids sleep in their beds. I invited A to cuddle with me. She jumped at the chance, and willingly went to sleep in her own bed after that. She tries so hard to keep up with the big kids, but she is still a "little girl" in many ways.

You might think that with everyone going to sleep so early, we would get up early in the morning.

You would be wrong.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Family Time

For the first time in a month, we were home for Shabbat.

We had not planned to be away for so long, but that is just the way it worked out.

Since we kept going away, much of the weekly tidying up was.... delayed. So, this week, we had a lot of tidying up to do! Thankfully, we had a freezer full of Shabbat meals that friends had prepared, so we could focus on the bare necessities (like clearing off the mountain of papers that had piled up on our Shabbat Table, and the loads of laundry that had piled up on our couches).

It was quite clear that it was good for us all to be home, especially the kids. There was a lot of laughing over dinner. Our kids provided their own unique entertainment by pretending to phone each other with prank calls. Why these things make them laugh so much is beyond me....

Example:
child 1: "ring, ring"
child 2: "hello?"
child 1: "the number you have reached is not available, please try again."
**hysterical laughter**

After a while, even we had to laugh. The ridiculousness of it all was just so funny.

At one point, A's prank calls involved "inviting" pizza. (in Hebrew, the word for "order" is the same as for "invite"). She kept repeating the mistake, even after we corrected her. So, finally, Moshe "called" and said (in a dopey voice) "Hi, I am the pizza, I am here for the party."

It was just so good to laugh and be together.

Towards the end of the meal, I had to lay down and rest. The new drug (Taxol) makes me really tired. I just lay down for "a few minutes" on the couch....

I woke in the middle of the night, and could not fall back asleep. I woke up Moshe (by mistake) and we talked for a while. Eventually, I relaxed enough to fall asleep.

We all slept in, in the morning. Nobody made it to shul (synagogue). I hung out with A for a little bit. Then I had a quiet breakfast with MD. Then MD went to spend some time with A. I woke up Y, who joined me in my room. We hung out in my bed for a while, talking about this and that. I had some time alone with each of the kids. It was good for us to spend the time together.

When Moshe finished davening, we all sat down to lunch. In the middle, I took a short nap on the couch, but I woke up for dessert. (I was going to skip dessert, but the kids persuaded me to stay)

I had such a good time with my family, but I needed to sleep. As soon as lunch was over, I crashed.

By the time I woke up, Shabbat was long over.

Tonight, for the first time in ages, we all sat down to family night Star Trek.

Lately, Y is out every Saturday night with her youth group. She catches up on her own, but it is not the same as watching together. Tonight, we started so late that Y had already returned home.

It was really great watching all together.

This Shabbat, we really spent much needed time together with just our family. It was so good to be together, in our own space, just enjoying each other's company.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shabbat Preparations -- Involving ALL the children, continued

After posting, I handled the stress a little calmer.

I also called Moshe, and he took over. (Tag-team parenting is the best!)

Later in the afternoon, my child, who was reluctantly doing what I asked, paused to announce "I just want to know when I am done!"

I realized that that is a very important piece of the puzzle.

My child was also extremely frustrated.

This child does not deal well with transitions. I know that. But I never applied that knowledge to household chores.

This particular child needs to know what is expected and when no more will be required.

I tend to assign another task, as soon as the previous task is finished. So there is no clear ending. The child has no way of knowing how many tasks need to be done and when they will be finished. This causes my child unecessary stress.

I need to set clearer guidelines as to what are my expectations, and to give my child (children) a concrete "finish line."

If I have several tasks to assign, it might be helpful to give this child a written list, and say "when you have completed all the tasks on this list, I will not require anything more of you until Shabbat begins."



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shabbat Preparations -- Involving ALL the Children

Every notice how sometimes one kid does not seem quite as willing to help as the others?

Ever want to say to (read: scream at) that kid -- YOU THINK THAT IF YOU ACT THAT WAY, I WILL STOP ASKING YOU FOR HELP?

Ever realize, it works?

Every week, I promise myself that I will not lose my temper. Every week, I am determined to just calmly repeat myself until that child completes the task at hand. Every week, I believe "this week will be different."

Over time, we have made progress. I know we have.

This child does help more. Sometime, even with a smile.

I wish I knew the secrect. How do I charm my child into wanting to help? Or, at least, into helping graciously? How do I convey to my child that a good attitude will make the task easier and faster.

A friend suggested we "time" the tasks. "See what you can do in five minutes." It is a good tool. Even a reluctant child can accomplish a lot in five minutes.

Some weeks are better than others.

Take a guess how this week went....

Two steps forward, one step back.

Shabbat Shalom!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

ps. ALL tips and suggestions welcome!!

Gifts of Time: Special Moments with my Eldest (and Youngest) Daughter

"Now how am I going to return the shirt?" queried my eldest daughter, holding up the beautiful white shirt, belonging to her friend from down the block, and looking out the window at the pouring rain.

Well, the choices seemed pretty clear to me. Either she would have to wait to return the shirt, or she would get wet (horror of horrors!).

It was minutes before Shabbat, and there was no time to drive her.

I thought she would choose to wait, but she did not.

Ten minutes later she burst through the door.

"That was fun!" she exclaimed, shirking off her rain slicker.

Her clothes were soaked, but she was smiling, confirming my belief that a walk in the rain is good for the soul. (if you have not read it yet, see one of my favorite posts: Playing in the Rain)

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I woke up late (10:00) Shabbat (Saturday) morning. By the time I put the food on the plata* (hot plate), it was 10:30, and there was really no point in going to shul (synagogue).

So I hung out with my parents until Y woke up and joined us.

"Why can't we use an umbrella on Shabbat?" She asked, challenging.

(And I thought she had fun walking in the rain!)

This is an excellent question, and one that does not have a simple answer. The prohibition of using umbrellas on Shabbat is not simple and straightforward, and has a strong social element to it. The rabbis don't all agree, on the reasons for the prohibition, and some base their prohibition on social practices ("it is not done, therefore we do not do it"). (for more details, see here)

I tried to explain the reasoning, and arguments, to my daughter, but she challenged me. The halakha did not make sense to her. Perhaps I did not make a convincing argument, because elements of the halakha do not make sense to me.

If Moshe were awake, I would have called in the "reserves." But Moshe was still fast asleep.

So, in order to explain why we do things that do not always make sense, I tried to explain the halakhic (Jewish legal) process, how halakha (Jewish law) evolves over time, who has halakhic authority, and even when advocates of change overstep halakhic boundaries, etc.

I embarked on my explanation, beginning with how our adherance to the halakhic process sustained Judaism for the past 2000 years, giving an overview of modern Orthodoxy, explaining the emergence and downfall of the Reform movement, the emergence and downfall of the Conservative movement, examples of g'dolim (great Rabbis) and how it is their responsibility to evaluate the long term ramifications of halakhic decisions, and examples of changes within modern Orthodoxy (such as the women's tefillah movement**).

Ultimately, I was trying to explain why we, as individuals, can't just decide what to do, on our own, based on what seems logical to us.

"I got it," said Y, suddenly, as I made my final point.

Just like that? Was she really satisfied. I was not sure. Then she summarized in a sentance of two, what I had just spent so much time trying to explain.

She got it.

Just like that.

Without further ado, we segued into a story about Y, when she was a year and a half, and spit up all over a Rav's Shabbat Table.

What was the connection? Well, in our previous discussion, I mentioned an interesting conversation I had with this Rav, about women's tefillah groups. As an aside, I mentioned that I had a funny story to tell about Y and this Rav.

So, of course, as soon as we finished our serious conversation, Y (and A, who had joined us, somewhere along the way), and my mom, wanted to hear the funny story!

So, I told the story, in all its glorious detail!

By the time I finished telling the story, it was really late. Most of our neighbors had finished their Shabbat lunch by then, and we had not even started! We laughed at ourselves, for getting such a late start!

It was a wonderful, relaxed morning, filled with talking, and sharing, and laughing.

I hugged my girls, and we began our day...




Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

* Religous Jews don't cook on Shabbat, so many use a plata (a modified hot plate, with only one setting) to warm up food on Shabbat. Some Jews use a blech for warming food; this is more common in the US. Most Jews in Israel use a plata, or an oven with a special Shabbat setting.

** The women's tefillah movement is still not "mainstream," but it is has been growing steadily for over 30 years. Today, there are women's tefillah groups throughout Israel, and the rest of the world. (see here, for an impressive list of women's tefillah groups worldwide)