The Rebbetzin's Visit

I was honored when the Rebbetzin from our shul (synagogue) called to ask if she could come visit me.

The Rabbi of our shul is a soft spoken, gentle, and religiously conservative man. His wife, the Rebbetzin, is also quiet and reserved. She intimidates me. I am not sure why.

One Rosh HaShanah, I felt her looking at me and my girls. Afterwards, she approached me to tell me how nicely my daughters sang during davening (praying), and what a pleasure it was to daven with them. I had interpreted her glances as disapproval of our singing. I was so wrong.

I do not know either of them well. I know (at least, I think I know, never having had the nerve to talk with either of them about this) that they would both disapprove of my liberal, feminist approach to Torah. I do not even ask the shul to announce our women's megillah reading on Purim, lest the Rabbi speak out against it.

In so many ways, I feel that we are not really from the same world.

Yet, we share something profoundly deep, that brings our worlds so very close together. We all know what it is like to live with cancer.

The Rabbi and Rebbetzin lost a child to cancer.

They know all about what I am going through, without my having to tell them anything.

That said, they might not have realized that I have been dealing with cancer the whole time I am living here. After all, I looked healthy. Only this summer did I lose my hair (including part of my eyebrows), giving me "the look" of someone with cancer.

So, I imagine the awareness that I am still dealing with cancer prompted the Rebbetzin's visit. I appreciated her initiative.

I warned her that my home is a major disaster zone, but she was totally cool about it.

It was a really nice visit. We talked about where I am at with the cancer, about my kids, and my background. The time flew by.

As she moved to get up, I realized that I had done most of the talking. The Rebbetzin had mainly asked questions. She seemed so interested in my stories, I just kept talking.

I would have liked to learn more about her as well.

I only had the pleasure of attending one of her shiurim (classes), before I stopped attending the Shabbat afternoon round-robin shiurim for women on a regular basis. It was an impressive shiur, well structured, and interesting.

I know that I could learn from her. I would love to ask her questions too.

I hope she will take the time to visit again.





Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shabbat Shiur

One of the really special things about my neighborhood is the warmth and openness of the residents.

Nowhere is this more evident than at the weekly shiurim (Torah study sessions) for women on Shabbat.

Each week, a different woman from the community prepares a shiur (session). The women come from diverse backgrounds and each shiur gives us an opportunity not just to learn Torah, but also to get to know the women who live in our community.

Every week, around 30 women (sometimes more) gather together to hear the shiur. Often, there is group participation and sometimes the discussion continues even after the shiur has ended.

Despite all our differences, everyone is respectful of each other. There are women who possess tremendous knowledge of Torah and women whose knowlege is based mostly on folklore. There are women who are academics and women who are "dosim" (from a frum (religious) background, in which secular education is devalued). There are women who are young and old, religious and not so religious, intellectual and spiritual, conservative and liberal, right wing and left wing. There are women from every angle of the dati-leumi (religious Zionist) spectrum, and those who are from completely different worlds. Everyone is welcome.

And yet, no one berates anyone else's background, even when they disagree with their opinion. And no one skips a shiur because the person giving the shiur is "not her style."

I LOVE attending these shiurim.

When I moved to Homat Shmuel (a.k.a. Har Homa), I realized that going to this shiur would be the only way for me to really meet women in our community. My kids were too old for me to "hang out with the moms" in the park or to meet moms in the local school. (My kids were too old to enroll in the local school, with the exception of my youngest. However, it did not make sense to enroll her in a different school from her brother and sister, which would result in my having to pick up kids at the same time from two very distant locations!)

So, from the beginning (when we moved in), I regularly attended the shiur. Then, with all the surgeries (two years; three surgeries), my attendance dropped. Still, I went whenever I felt I could.

All that ended two years ago, when I started chemo. I just stopped going. I am too tired. I have to sleep on Shabbat. In fact, I have to sleep A LOT.

The result is that I feel rather disconnected. Whenever I meet women from the shiur, they ask why I do not come anymore. Often, they include a compliment about missing my input (I often comment or ask questions). Typically, I just smile, say how much I miss the shiur, and explain that I am usually resting during that hour.

More than that, I feel like I have not really integrated in the neighborhood as much as I would have expected.

Don't get me wrong. It is not like I am isolated. I know a lot of people here and have several good friends; but I had expected to be much more involved, both in our shul (synagogue) and in the community at large (such as participating in local municipal committees, which I did even before the neighborhood was built!). I just cannot commit to being active on a committee when I can barely keep things together in my own home (and barely is an understatement!).

I also had visions of organizing women for some sort of women's tefillah group, like Shirat Sara (my women's tefillah group in Talpiot). The closest I have come to that dream is hosting a women's megillah reading on Purim.

Recently, a friend told me about another women in the neighborhood who is also very into Jewish religious feminism. I actually met her in shul once, and had a very interesting conversation with her (it turns out that she was running the hadracha (informal education) department at Melitz when I was working there, oh, so many years ago....).

Anyway, when I saw that this woman was delivering the shiur this past Shabbat, I decided that I would make every effort to attend.

I almost missed it.

I forgot to ask Moshe to wake me in time.

Lucky for me, Moshe finished learning with our son "just in time" and woke me as he was getting ready for his Shabbat nap. It was five in the afternoon, just the time that the shiur begins.

I was about to roll over and go back to sleep when Moshe asked "Didn't you just say that you want to go to the shiur?"

That was all the "push" I needed. I forced myself out of bed, quickly got dressed, and walked as fast as I could to the shiur.

It was worth it.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

End of the Year Celebrations -- Part I

Two years ago, my girls started learning gymnastics at our local branch of Kfitz Kfotz*.

I will forever be grateful to both Tehilla Fraenkel (founder and director of Kfitz Kfotz) and Temima Petersal (head coach of the Homat Shmuel branch), for all that they have given my daughters.

Both of my daughters began Kfitz Kfotz at a relatively "old" age, especially my eldest daughter, who was the oldest 'new kid' in all of Homat Shmuel (and perhaps all of Jerusalem). I almost expected them to "drop out." I certainly expected them to have issues (about being so much older, about not being "as good," about being different in so many ways...).

Was I in for a surprise!!

Within a few weeks, both of my girls were hooked. They "could not" miss a single workout! If they were late, they had to call and let Temima know. They took gymnastics very seriously. And they loved it!!

Sometime in the first few weeks, Tehilla hosted an evening for all the parents from all the different branches to explain her vision of what she is trying to create through Kfitz Kfotz. Since only about 10% of the girls will ever exhibit true prowess in gymnastics, her goal for 90% of the girls is far beyond the ability to do cartwheels and handsprings. Kfitz Kfotz strives to build up the girls both physically and spiritually, to create a sense of camaraderie and good sportsmanship and to imbue the girls with a love of sports. I have been privileged to witness the impact of these efforts on my girls.

Before I knew it, my eldest began going early, to help with the younger kids. She could barely do anything herself, yet the staff and older kids welcomed her and encouraged her to contribute in whatever way she could. She took her 'job' seriously, arriving on time, staying late, and never missing a class (if humanly possible).

At the end of the year, she joined the summer training program to become an assistant coach. When she discovered that the following year she would get paid for helping the kids, she was really excited. Though she admitted that she had not known that she would get pain and would have done it for free! (She is saving the money, which is good, 'cause she'll need it for driving lessons, college, etc.)

Both of my girls begged to continue for a second year; and both progressed so much more this year. Their commitment did not waver and their enthusiasm only grew.

Yesterday evening (Wednesday), Kfitz Kfotz hosted their end of the year performance. From 5:30-7:15, we watched the girls and their instructors perform dances and exercises exhibiting their abilities. In her opening remarks, Tehilla reminded the audience to clap equally for all the participants -- reminding us all that Kfitz Kfotz is about a nobler aim than physical abilities (no matter how impressive).

What amazed me more than anything was that this was not just an evening for mothers extended family (female relatives only, since Kfitz Kfotz is just for girls). In addition to inviting my sister and Moshe's mom, both kids invited friends of theirs! Even more surprising to me was that their friends made the effort to come!! And they were not the only ones! The enormous auditorium was packed!!

At the end of the evening, ALL the girls get "medals" (candy necklaces that kids of ALL ages appreciate!). In addition, girls who had been working out with Kfitz Kfotz for 5 years and then 9 years and up receive medals in recognition for their diligence and hard work.

My eldest received a medal last year for her volunteer work as an assistant and this year she received a medal for her commitment as part of the staff.

When I dared to suggest that we leave before the distribution of medals, so that we could be on time (or less late) to my eldest daughter's "Erev Shorashim" (Evening of Roots -- more on that tomorrow, b'li neder (I hope!)), my daughters were horrified! Perish the thought!! We stayed until the end.

The second it was over, my daughters tracked me down and rushed me out (lest I get side-tracked and start a conversation with any of my friends....). With two of her classmates in tow, my eldest pulled me to the car. We hopped in and headed straight for their school!

Our evening had only just begun!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA


* I searched the web in Hebrew and English for a link to Kfitz Kfotz's webpage and found... nothing!! It is (embarrassingly) too late to call anyone, but if you know of a webpage, please leave a link in the comments!! --- SPECIAL THANKS to Sara G for the link to their website!!

Homat Shmuel - Stand Up and Be Counted

I've been sick again for a while. Another common cold.
(Didn't we agree that cancer patients should be spared the common cold??)

This time, I knew the cold would hang around for a while -- weakened immune system, and all that. So I decided to spend the entire day in bed.

At 5:00, I called Moshe, to tell him that I was too sick to go to the demonstration (more about that below). Unfortunately, he informed me, he needed to work late and would have to miss the demonstration. OK, I answered, I guess we'll just have to miss this one.

But, as I headed back to bed, I just didn't feel right. For years, I dragged my kids to demonstrations around the country. Now, with the demonstration just outside my doorstep, I wouldn't go?

I found my thickest wool sweater. I dug out my ear-muffs and woolen gloves.

OK kids, I called, get dressed in warm clothes.

With my mother admonishing me in the background ("I don't think you should go"), I led everyone, including my mom, out the door.

Thank God.

There were about 2,000 people there, according to the news (so there were probably around twice that). People were continuously coming and going.

The demonstration:
Jerusalem is under attack. US President George W. Bush is arriving in Israel tomorrow. His government is calling on Israel to stop construction in Homat Shmuel (aka Har Homa), a relatively new neighborhood in the south-east corner of Jerusalem. Homat Shmuel is adjacent to Talpiot, Gilo, Ramat Rachel, and the Judean dessert. It is a mixed neighborhood, with religious and non-religious living side by side.

Homat Shmuel is also my home.

Moshe and I had always dreamed of making our home in a yishuv (Jewish settlement). But, after years of searching for the perfect yishuv, I couldn't bear the thought of leaving Jerusalem. I loved living in Yerushalayim, Ir HaKodesh (the Holy City of Jerusalem). My children went to school in the Old City -- they would run through the courtyards and scamper through the alleyways, as if the ancient city were their backyard. How could I leave? But housing prices were so expensive....

Then, we discovered Homat Shmuel, a new neighborhood, on paper, that was affordable to young couples with growing families. Nothing was built yet. It was perfect.

We could stay in Jerusalem and still participate in the building of Eretz Yisrael (the Land of Israel).

Homat Shmuel is five years old now. It is a thriving community and a wonderful example of religious and secular Jews living and working together. There are two excellent schools, a community center, parks, restaurants (good ones!), exercise clubs (to work off the good food), etc. It is an integral part of Jerusalem, the capital of Israel.

I thought the demonstration would be small, especially because tonight was cold and rainy. I expected mostly local residents would care to come out. I was wrong. Demonstrators came from all over the country.

I haven't gone to a demonstration in a long time. I have been so tired, fighting my own personal battle. But I miss it.

I miss being with a large group of people who care so much about the land of Israel, that they will stand for hours, in the cold and mud. I love reading signs that express what I feel in my heart. (The best one tonight read: We want to build homes for our children, not launch pads for katyushot). I love Women in Green, who were the main organizers of tonight's event, and who never tire of saying what needs to be said. I love being a part of all that.

I love being with people who are ORANGE.

I am ORANGE.

I am so caught up in the world of cancer, that I often don't have the strength to deal with what is happening to our country. I often can't bear to listen to the news because it makes me depressed and I need to keep my mood up. But I am not oblivious to what is going on around me. And my heart is breaking at what the Israeli government is doing to our country.

I am so proud to go with my children, to stand up and be counted. To say to the US and Israeli governments that Jerusalem, and all of Israel, belongs to the Jewish people. No one has the right to give it away.


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA