School has Started!

My eldest started last Thursday, and my other two started on Sunday.

I got all their school supplies and have almost finished gathering all their school books.  Most of the school books we either had or are borrowing from friends.  There are still a few that we will have to buy.  I still need to ask a friend to actually go and get those for me, but I am waiting to be certain of what we need, so we only have to go to the bookstore once!

So far, everyone seems to be settling in. Even the madhouse morning rush seems to be under control.

My sweet son asked for me to make his lunches for him again, this year.

It is too much for me to do it all year long.  But I told him I would make his lunches in the morning for the first week of school, then I would make his lunches *with him* in the evenings during the second week of school.  After that, he would have to make his lunches in the evening on his own (though I will help him if he needs/wants it, within reason).  He agreed.  I am cautiously optimistic that we can make this transition smoothly.... (PLEASE, God!!)

Moshe has been driving the kids to school in the mornings, which is very positive for all around.  My son, who mainly rides his bike to and from school, also benefits from this arrangement.  My son loads his bike onto the car; Moshe drives him to the top of our hill, which is long and steep; then our son rides the rest of the way to school.  It cuts out the worst/hardest part of the bike ride, but still allows our son to benefit from the excersize of bike riding, and the freedom after school to ride wherever he wants.

Our youngest began a new school this year and is feeling more comfortable, with each day that passes.  She bravely chose a school that was clearly the best choice for her, but to which NOT ONE of her friends chose to attend.  She is excited to be learning with her previous drama teacher (who really is fantastic) and there is even a chance that she will continue learning with her previous English teacher (of whom we are also big fans).  So far, her mechanechet (main teacher) and her class seems nice, but it is really too early to tell.

Our eldest is getting used to some of the changes in her school.  She loved her mechanechet for 9th and 10th grade, but they get a new mechanechet for 11th and 12th. Her new teacher is actually one of the top women educators in Jerusalem, but I am not sure my daughter appreciates that yet.  I, on the other hand, am thrilled (and jealous!).  She also has a new math teacher, about which we are less excited, but still cautiously optimistic. Her previous math teacher really suited her, and that is no small feat!   Our daughter just need to pass the next two units of her bagrut (matriculation) exams and then she is finished with math classes forever.

The best news is that due to a scheduling conflict between her two majors, theater and art, she might be able to just take the art workshops, which really excite her, and not art history, which interests her, but not as much.

So, our year opens with lots of potential and we pray that we will all make it a good year!


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Schepping Nachat -- Fathers and Sons ***Bonus Post***

As we ate dinner tonight, Moshe shared this classic exchange with our son...
(Don't miss my "real" post below)
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Earlier this evening, 0ur son gave Moshe a rundown of his classes and which teachers he likes.

He likes his mechanechet (main teacher), but still wants to switch classes to be in the same class as most of his friends.

He reports good things about several other teachers as well (Arabic, Sports, History).

He is bored out of his mind in math class. He told me that they have not yet been divided into levels. Moshe just relayed that they will not be tested for another month and a half. That is a recipe for disaster! Our son is a math wiz, he's going to go bonkers if they don't give him something challenging to do in math!

He also reports that lashon (language) is boring. Moshe challenged our son, noting that "I talk about language and etomology, and you seem to find that interesting."

To which our son responded, "That's because it's you! You could talk about the ingredients in pastrami and it would be interesting!"



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Only Good Things -- Just the Beginning (There's more....)

So, as some of you already know, our blogger friend, Jameel, just had a baby boy.
(MAZAL TOV!!)

Well, to be technically accurate, Jameela is the one who actually gave birth... but those details are not relevant right now. What is important is that Jameel and Jameela are really good friends of ours and they do not live close by. When traffic is good, it takes almost two hours to drive there. In Israel, that is FAR! (Remember, the country is smaller than NJ and you can drive from the top to the bottom in just over 5 hours!)

So, when Moshe told me that davening (morning prayers) were at 7:15 and the brit (circumcision ceremony) would be at 8:00, I pretty much figured it was a non-starter that we would not go. As most of you know already, neither Moshe nor I are morning people and we would have to get up at 4:45 to get there on time! Maybe we could have gotten up at 5:00, but we already established, in a previous post (read the comments), that 5:00 am only exists in an alternate dimension!

Well, this would not be the first time that Moshe and I processed information differently!

"Let's go the night before." Moshe suggested, "We can sleep there and wake up at a normal time."

Now, let us ignore, for the moment, that for me 6:45 in the morning is not normal either. If you know me long enough, you know not to even call me before 9:00 in the morning! If I am up, and I know that you are a morning person (strange as that may be...), I'll call you! Still, for something important enough (this brit counts), I could wake up around 7:00.

The thing is, this is the first week of school. And, despite the fact that our kids are all super independent, and act as if we are just bothering them when we want to spend time with them at home... they all really want us to be home when they go to sleep. They won't admit to it, but they sleep easier (and better) when we are home.

To make matters more complex, the previous night (Monday), we were also out (for Danny's Frei's Yartzheit Shiur (memorial lecture)), and the kids did not get to sleep on time.

Normally I would not worry so much. But didn't I mention this is the FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL??? No pressure there!

Never mind that our son is in a new school and has all these crazy ideas about riding his bike (see previously mentioned post) to school. Besides the second day of school (after the shiur), when his alarm did not go off, he has been biking to school every day!!

So, it just did not seem like such a good idea for us to be out, two nights in a row.

I suggested that Moshe go on his own. Moshe and Jameel have been friends forever, and I could see that it was really important to Moshe to be there. I could see right away that Moshe really wanted to go with me. (OK, all together now: "awwwww, that is sooooo sweet!" )

Then I suggested that maybe we should just get up early and make the drive. There is certainly no traffic at that hour of the morning!

Moshe could not believe I was willing to get up that early. To my chagrin, in all honesty I was not so sure I would still be willing to do it either. The world looks a little different at five in the morning... and not much looks important enough for me to wake up at that bizarre hour!

Then, when another friend, and neighbor of Jameel's, actually offered to host us.... it just seemed like the stars of fate had aligned themselves....

I did stipulate that I would not leave the house unless I was convinced that the kids would be OK without us. Read: that the kids would all go to bed on time (more or less); that they would be able to fall asleep; and that they would be able to get up in the morning!

By 8:30, the kids were totally set and I was totally exhausted! I just wanted to go to bed and sleep.

Another friend had called for a ride and I again suggested to Moshe that he could go on his own, since he would have company. (In the end, the friend did not join us, but we did not know that then.)

Moshe suggested I could just as easily (almost) sleep in the car. He assured me that I did not need to stay awake for him.

So, I shoved some clothes in a bag and off we went!

Well, needless to say, I did not sleep in the car at all!

Besides that fact that spending time driving together is about the only time we have to really talk with no distractions or interruptions, almost as soon as we got in the car Moshe casually mentioned that he does "not really remember how to drive there."

Now, Moshe has been driving there for YEARS!! And when we first started driving there, together, many years ago, Moshe pretty much knew the way on his own; I just helped navigate a bit. So, how is it that now I am the one who knows how to get there without thinking?!?

*sigh*

By the time we arrived, at around 11:00, I got my second wind.

When we got there, Moshe noted that all the windows in our hosts' home were dark. I pointed to one of the downstairs windows, which was lit, and said confidently, our hostess "does not sleep." I know this for a fact because, besides the fact that she has mentioned it several times, every time I am up late on line, she instant messages me!!

Clearly, we are both insane!

The bottom line: we sat down for a drink (vanilla ice coffee, yummmm); after about 45 minutes, Moshe excused himself, and my friend and I sat up talking and laughing (and watching 1960's music videos on YouTube) until 2:00 in the morning!

Honestly, and truly, INSANE.

And TOTALLY WORTH IT!!

This friend just makes me LAUGH!! For the record, her life is not any simpler health wise than mine. She has different problems, yet surprisingly similar feelings about all sorts of health-related issues. And she deals with everything with a bitingly sardonic sense of humor. I love it!!

By the time I went to bed, I was in a great mood, but not sleepy. So I read a bit; it did not take that long for me to wind down....

Seven o'clock in the morning came around too fast.....



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

He Did It!!

My son, once again, has surpassed my expectations.

Give him room to spread his wings, for surely he will fly!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

School Books

*************** warning: rant ***************

When I was a kid, we needed to bring the following to school:
A looseleaf binder ("klasser")
Paper ("dafdefet")
and
Pencils

We received all our books from school.

During the year, we did our excersizes on paper, in our binders.

At the end of the year, we returned our books.

This system seemed to make sense. Since the curriculum did not change much from year to year, the same textbook could be used repeatedly. After all, how much has math changed in the last two thousand years?

Not so in Israel!

In her six years of elementary school, our eldest daughter learned math using THREE different methodologies!! Every two years, we purchased a different type of math book. Our youngest daughter, who is in the same school, is using completely different books, representing a FOURTH method of learning math.

This, apparently is typical among all school and all grades.

In Israel, every year, parents are sent a list of books and workbooks to purchase for their children to use during the upcoming academic year.

Each teacher chooses their own books.

There are no "standards."

"New" parents might assume that they can pass on books from one child to the next.

They would be wrong!

Even within the same school, a teacher might decide to use a different book another year, for whatever reason.

At the end of the year, a parent might discover that several books are still brand new, never opened!

Shockingly, one common cause is that a particular book or subject just was not taught that year. It might not be used the following year(s) either.

Other times, children might not "get around" to their assignments. At the year's end, a parent might find it surprising that their child's workbook is either completely blank or that a meager few pages have been filled in.

Get used to it! No one is going to call the parents to let them know that their child is not doing the homework.

Sometimes, a parent might discover that their child did not answer any questions, but did manage to draw (read: doodle) over all the pages! This can be particularly frustrating for parents who want to sell their used/unused books back to the bookstore!

For the last few years, I have made every effort to get school books from friends with older kids. We manage to find most of our books this way, cutting our school expenses down significantly.

Of course, this effort is fraught with pitfalls, the most common being that the teacher demands that the child use a new edition.

And then there are the years, like this one, when all three of my kids need the same book!!

Why????

Because they will ALL be learning from the Kitzur Shulchan Oruch, and they all need a copy for school!

Aaargh!!

Oh, the joy of finding the right sifrei kodesh! (Jewish texts)

Our son's school is requiring specific publications of those as well. And, while we do own a set of Da'at HaMikrah, there is no way we are letting our son take Sefer Melachim (The Book of Kings) back and fourth to school every day!

So now we need to find out if having a copy at home is sufficient, in which case he can use the Mikraot Gedolot version that we already own. In fact, we already have two copies!

You get the idea?



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Back to School -- I hope I survive the last week before school starts!!

I LOVE summer vacation!! I wish it lasted four months, instead of two!!

Every year, I promise myself that I will get all their school books and supplies in the beginning of the summer, so that I don't have this crazy, mad rush the week before school starts.

And every summer I have a really good reason why that does not happen.

This summer was no exception!

So, this week had been really crazy, and today was THE CRAZIEST.

Let's start with our eye doctor. Our eye doctor only works one afternoon a week. Both of my older kids had weekly chugim (activities) that afternoon. Since I did not want to make them miss school or their activities, I made them eye doctor appointments for the summer, THREE MONTHS in advance!!

Well, it turned out that BOTH of my kids were away (on seminar or at camp) that week!!

The secretary was wonderful, and helped me reschedule, but I could not get a double appointment! So, I took my son in on Sunday, and my daughter's appointment was this (Tuesday) morning, at NINE O'CLOCK in the MORNING!!

Who wants to wake up at 7:30 AM, during the last week of summer vacation, for an eye doctor appointment?!?!

NO ONE!!!

But, with Moshe's help, I woke up ALL my kids, so that we could go shopping afterwards for school supplies (on that side of town).

You can imagine how much my kids loved that!

God bless them, they all did get up. And though we did not get out of the house on time (FRUSTRATION!!), the doctor did see my daughter and did not lecture us about being late.

Even more incredible, after she saw my daughter, she put drops in ALL of our eyes, since that never seemed to work out before (though we have been seeing her for many years).

The good thing about that was that I can relax, knowing that all of my kids are fully checked.

The bad thing about that was that it took several hours for us to be able to see clearly... and for me to be able to drive.

Next to the doctor's offices, in Givat Shaul, there is a (relatively) new branch of one of the major school/office supplies store. We stopped off there and were able to purchase about 1/3 of the supplies we needed.

Then I took the kids out for lunch -- they let me off easy today, and we just went for falafel at a quaint place, also next door.

By then, my vision had mostly returned, and we went to a general store in Romema for whatever else we could find. The store is great, with a wide range of products and competative prices, but it is across town and I only make it there once a year. This year, apparently, I will have to go back, because a light that we bought for my youngest has a short. (That will teach me not to purchase appliances across town!)

Though we purchased almost all the rest of the supplies we needed, we still did not find everything....

So we went to a THIRD store (a local branch of the first store), in Talpiot.

By this time, I was so exhausted that I actually went to the WRONG mall.

I drove to the mall, WAITED for parking, finally found a parking space, parked, got the kids out, passed through security with all my kids, and only THEN realized that I was in the wrong mall!!

So, we got back in our car and drove around the corner to the correct mall. (Needless to say, I felt like an idiot, but my kids had a good laugh!)

By this time, I was finished! I really just wanted to go home and go to sleep. But the day was yet young....

As I was parking the car (this time, in the correct mall), I realized that, in addition to a few more notebooks, the kids all needed to get a yoman (calendar/diary).

Groan.........

The range of diaries is extensive, as are the prices. Of course, the really fun diaries are not cheap! But I refuse to spend that much money on something that they are going to throw in the garbage at the end of the year. Not to mention that I have children who barely use their diaries at all during the year!! (we won't mention anybody specific, but.... I'm just sayin'!) So, I gave my kids their "budget" and I did not budge. Eventually, they all found something they could live with, within their allocated budget.

With every complaint, I offered them to make up the difference from their own money. Apparently, they also did not want to spend THEIR OWN money that way either.

My youngest, not surprisingly, found something "acceptable" first. More surprisingly, my son found something in almost the same time. My eldest only make her final choice when I gave her a three minutes deadline, after which she would have to come back on her own and purchase whatever she wants with her money. I just could not sit in that store any longer!! (Though I had parked myself on a nice, comfortable, probably orthopedic, office chair!)

My kids do not know this, but I had hoped to take them out for ice cream afterwards. Unfortunately, they took so long choosing their diaries, that we ran out of time!

This (Tuesday) afternoon, we scheduled our annual Gan HaVradim (Rose Garden Park) outing. We almost always do it on the 5th of Av, our son's birthday. But, for obvious reasons (read: The Bar Mitzvah!!), we were too busy this year.

Today was actually the only day we could reschedule it!!

So, when my friend called to say that she was ready to go, we left!

It was really a wonderful way to end the day. I did not have energy for much, but I really enjoyed being there. At one point, I really pushed myself to get up and play Frisbee for a bit. I knew that I would regret it if I did not participate at least a little. We toss a frisbee around every year, and it is great to help the kids and see their improvement over time.

I managed to drive home safely, despite being drop-dead exhausted.

We capped off the day with another fantastic episode of Star Trek.

And, now... I am going to bed!!

Finally!! (and it is not even midnight yet!)



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Telling the Kids... Or Not... ?

This is what I felt two weeks ago, when I first learned about my brain mets.
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I was devastated.

My first thought, beyond my own anguish, was how to tell my mom.
(fast forward: My parents were really terrific when I told them. Though they were clearly distraught by the news, they did not freak out. They asked intelligent questions, understood that I did not have all the answers, and just continued to shower me with love and encouragement.)

It was not until one of the nurses asked me about it, that I realized I would have to tell my kids.

In those first few moments, I did not know whether to tell them right away or not. We did not have much information and we honestly would not be able to answer many questions. Yet I did not now how I could not tell my kids right away. I could not stop crying; I would have to explain why. Even if I could stop crying, my kids are smart and sensitive, they would figure out that something is wrong.

I also realized that I could not talk, or write, about any of this until they knew. It would be unfair to tell other people before them. Not only do they have the right to know what is going on, but I do not want them to have to deal with other people's reactions from a position where the other person knows what is going on and they don't.

I would basically have little or no support until the kids knew. That seemed unfair as well. My decision about when to tell the kids should be about them, not about me. On the other hand, this news was so big, how could I just pretend everything was "normal."

I consulted with the social worker. As she spoke with us, I realized that I felt quite strongly about telling the kids before they suspected anything was wrong.

Maybe if I found out during the week, life would be so busy that I could put it off telling them for a few days, until we had more information and more answers. But the next day was Shabbat, when we spend so much intense time together. The kids would pick up on the non-verbal stuff, even if Moshe and I were careful not to discuss anything around them.

Unacceptable. I never want my kids to feel like we are hiding things from them. Knowing that we are completely open and upfront with them gives them the confidence to take what we tell them at face value and not be troubled by infinite doubts and fears.

On the way home, Moshe and I discussed this further. Moshe suggested playing things by ear. We did not have to decide right now. We could wait a bit and see how things go.

That took a lot of pressure off. We had time. Time to absorb the news ourselves and time to figure out how to frame the news to our kids. No one would be home for several hours.

Moshe wondered if he should stay home with me. He had a major deadline at work, so I insisted that he go in to work. I would be fine.

I called a close friend, who I knew would be a good listener. She was not home.

I called another close friend. It was good to talk with her.

Then, I was alone. Alone with this aweful news.

Later, the first friend called back. When she heard the news, she offered to come right over. She has five small kids and it is often challenging for her to get out but, at that moment, she could come. I decided to stop stuggling to keep it all together -- "Yes," I accepted her offer, "please come."

My friend was still over when my youngest daughter came home. My daughter had some things to do for school (remember, this was two weeks ago), so she went into the computer room to work. I told her that I would be in my room, with my friend. We spoke for an hour or so. Though I still felt overwhelmed and extremely frightened, I also felt calmer and ready to face the world. More importantly, I felt ready to face my kids.

That evening, our home was filled with more than the usual chaos. I had spent the day in turmoil. Moshe spent the day dealing with all the beaurocracy of my new diagnosis. My eldest spent the day at the beach with friends of hers from school and came home exhausted and full of energy at the same time, as only teenagers can be! My son spent the afternoon at school, preparing for their end-of-the-year play (more on that another time). And my youngest finally finished the project that she had to turn in to her teacher. Everyone wanted my attention!

Did I mention I had tickets to a play that night?

OK, there was no way I could listen to all my kids, share what I had to share, help them absorb it and leave to see a play. Something had to go. I decided I could wait to share my news.

So, I listened as everyone clamored for attention, loving the healthy chaos of it all.

Then I pulled myself together, put a smile on my face, and went out to have a good time.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Growing Up: Rising to the Occasion

My youngest daughter's class is a challenge. There are only 8 girls, out of 24 kids, and the class dynamic among the girls is.... complex.

Whenever I ask my daughter what is bothering her, it almost never has to do with me or my cancer. It almost always has to do with something that is going on with the girls in her class.

She has been particularly bothered by certain divisive behavior exhibited by specific girls in her class. Recently, she has taken a more active role in organizing class activities.

Last night, she organized an Erev Banot (a "girl's night out"). During the first half of the evening, she ran several mischakei chevra (interactive games). Several games were "just for fun," but one or two of them had a serious social message.

At one point, I thought she might want to do something a little differently. When I called her over, she calmly told me that she wanted to do things a certain way. I realized that this was her show, and I should just sit back and try to be invisible (not at all and easy task for me).

The last game she played with the girls required all the girls to cooperate with each other. I thought it was a clever choice, considering her goals for the evening. It was fascinating to listen in on the game.

Ironically, one of the girls who can be a bit standoffish, when she is not at the center of attention, came very late. My daughter immediately included her in the game, but the girl was hanging back. However, because the nature of the game required cooperation, almost immediately I heard the other girls saying "you have to join with us or we cannot do it."

After the final game, my daughter summed up the evening beautifully, explaining that in life, as well as in the class, the best way to achieve our goals is by working together.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Can I Get Any More Tired????

OK, so remember how I wrote about how tired I felt?

Well, yesterday I was full of energy compared to how I feel tonight!!

Every year, our kids' elementary school has a major end of the year program around Yom Yerushalayim.

The program consists of a tour of a major site in the old city by the sixth graders, followed by a light communal supper, and then performances by class of all the kids in the school. The program starts around 3:00 in the afternoon and ends around 10:00 in the evening.

It is THE BEST day of the entire year. Everything that is good about the school comes out in this evening.

Even before I got cancer, this day would knock me out.

I knew how tired I would be and planned on resting in the morning. But, one thing led to another, and I did not get a chance to rest.

Add to that the fact that today was exceptionally hot, even in the evening!

But there was no question about whether or not I would attend. My son is in sixth grade. This is his day!

For years, the kids prepare to be "MaYaTZim" -- Madrichei Yerushalayim Tze'irim (Young Jerusalem Guides). This is their shining moment.

My son has been practicing his lines for weeks. He had three different parts: an informative presentation, a musical interlude (he played keyboard), and a skit. He did a GREAT job!

I also have a daughter in fifth grade. The fifth graders made the backdrop for the stage, and prepared both a dance and daglanut (a march/dance in which each participant holds/waves an Israeli flag, while moving to the music).

My eldest missed school to come for the day, as did most of the other graduates of her class.

That is perhaps the greatest testimony to how meaningful this program is to the kids.

How many other teenagers do you know who keep coming back to their elementary school for the end of the year performances?

It was tough this year. In addition to everything else, instead of sitting on plastic chairs for the performances, we sat on Madreigot Hulda (the main stairs leading into the Temple Plaza during the second Temple period). Now, while that might be a very moving location, sitting on stone steps is a bit hard on my cancerous bones!

All complaints aside, it was worth every second.

But I can tell you that I am EXHAUSTED OUT OF MY MIND!!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

What Was I Thinking??

Some day, maybe, I will learn.

Clearly, I need to learn the hard way.... the really slow and painfully hard way.

At first, it made sense to me. My son's sixth grade class was going to be decorating the school until midnight. Until my son got home and into bed, it would be at least 1:00 in the morning. Then he would have to get up at 6:00 in morning, after only five hours of sleep. But if the kids sleep in school, they could go to bed at 12:00 and get up at 7:30 -- gaining an extra two and a half hours of sleep.

The class just needed two parents to volunteer to stay with the kids. So, I volunteered.

WHAT WAS I THINKING??

When I arrived at the school, at midnight, the kids were finished decorating. They had set up their sleeping bags in separate areas and were getting ready for bed.... or not.

It quickly became clear that the girls had no intention of going to sleep.

The teacher spoke firmly to the kids, instructing them to go to sleep by 1:00 am, threatening them and promising rewards, both at the same time

It was not looking good.

As soon as the teacher left, the kids started mucking around.

When I tried to get them to go to sleep, they became rude and obnoxious.

I was stunned by their behavior.

I knew that the boys in my son's class could get wild, but the girls always seemed so sweet.

Well, the boys eventually fell asleep, but the girls were incorrigible.

I began to regret having volunteered.

However, I did volunteer, and I knew what I would have wanted if my daughter was one of the girls.

I did my best... for several hours.

At 3:00 in the morning, I gave up.

Disgusted by their behavior, I left the other parent (the father of one of the girls) to keep watch, and I went to sleep in another room.

I fell asleep around 3:30 and slept until 6:00, when the sound of activity woke me up. I recognized my son's voice in the melee.

The boys must have woken around dawn. I don't think the girls slept at all.

In the morning, I left the girls to their own devices and assisted the boys with whatever they needed.

I realized that I had a rapport with the boys that I did not have with the girls. After all, I knew these boys and they knew me. They were my son's friends. They listened, and were respectful. It was a pleasure to help them.

When my daughter arrived in school, I applied her make up. I took some pictures -- of my son, my daughter, and the girls from my daughter's class.

Then I said my goodbyes and went home to begin my day.

At least I knew that my son slept a few hours.... He might not have, if I was not there. I went to check on him around 1:30 and noticed that he was still up reading. As soon as I admonished him, he closed his book. Later, I noticed he was still not asleep. I suggested that he close his eyes and breathe slowly and deeply. It took him a while, but he fell asleep. I know that my presence made a difference, at least for him.

Ultimately, that is why I was there.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Chemo Day -- Chemo Brain

I would like to say that since I only received a half dose of the Fenurgen (super, duper, antihistamine that completely knocks you out!), I was more alert. But.....

That would not be accurate.

Once the drip started, I fought to stay awake and alert.....

I lost.

Again, I am grateful to the two friends (squarepeg613 and NT) who came and took care of me while I slept!

After chemo, I came home, intending to sleep more, but my kids needed me for all sorts of things, for which I did not have the patience!

I really wanted to go to sleep early.

After spending all evening on my kid's stuff, I was just finishing up some last minute details when I ERASED HALF OF MY SON'S CLASS LIST!

I had meant to save the file under a different name but... I FORGOT!!

And you can bet your bottom dollar that I am blaming it on "chemo brain" because I would just feel TOO STUPID to admit that I might have done that even without the chemo!!

Especially because.....

Well.....

Uuhhhh....

Hmmmm.....

OK!

I admit it!

I have made this same STUPID MISTAKE before!!

Now, before you suggest something obvious, like getting the list from someone else, I should explain that I am the one who initiated this class list!

I got tired of receiving class lists consisting solely of kids' names and phone numbers. I mean, how many times can you ask a parent her/his name, before being utterly humiliated by not remembering??

So, I put together a comprehensive, computerized list, consisting of:
Child's First
Child's Family Name
Child's Mother's Name
Child's Father's Name
Child's Home Phone Number
Child's Mother's Mobile Phone Number
Child's Father's Mobile Phone Number
Child's Mother's email
Child's Father's email
Child's birthday

Not to mention the various and sundry additional information, like who is willing to accompany the class on class trips, who is on the class parent's council (va'ad horim), etc.

Because we live in Israel, all this information is BOTH in English and Hebrew!!!

(If I was really good, I would also have it in French. But when I was in high school, my dad convinced me to learn Spanish instead of French because it is more practical. Not in Israel!)

Each year, at the beginning of the school year, I spend significant time and energy updating everyone's information. You might think this would not be so difficult, after all, how many people move each year? But you cannot imagine how many parents keep changing their phone numbers, and mobile phone numbers, and emails, and second emails, and...

You get the picture??

It is so much work, that for several years now, the school distributes MY LIST to the teachers.

Because no one else is crazy enough to put in all that effort!!!

NOW do you understand how stupid I feel??

I had the one and only master copy, with all of this year's corrections and additions!

Only after I had erased the file, did I discover that I had never sent it out to all the parents!

Apparently, I sent out my daughter's class list, but not my son's!

So I spent HOURS, when I should have been fast asleep in my bed, searching through old files and old emails, and doing my best to put together the updated list.... AGAIN!!

And then, when I was finally all done, I emailed the new list, along with a letter requesting that the parents please review their information again and send me, AGAIN, any updates and/or corrections that I might have missed.

So now ALL the parents of the ENTIRE CLASS know just how SCATTERBRAINED I really am!!!

I added two new columns:
Child's Mobile Phone
Child's Email

You think the new requests will fool them into thinking that I am just being REALLY THOROUGH?!?!?!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Crazy Days

So, I got the Herceptin today.

Even though my port was still open from yesterday, it was still a long day. I waited almost an hour for the Herceptin to arrive in the department, and then it took almost four hours to receive the dose. When I tried a faster drip, I had chest pains, so I had to slow it down. (I wanted to see if I could take the drip faster, so I would not have to come in twice on Hanukkah -- which is the next time I am due for both Taxol and Herceptin)

Anyway, I was definitely more relaxed than I was yesterday!

Later in the day (after I got home), I heard that if you purchase the Herceptin directly from Roche Pharmaceuticals, they provide the fourth dose free. I hope to confirm this tomorrow.

Why is it so difficult to find out this information in advance???

I was so tired when I got home, but I could not rest. I had to feed my kids, then take my son to an appointment. Then, when we got back home, I had to feed my kids dinner and get them ready for bed.

Moshe was still at work, because he is putting together a file of my medical records in digital form.

My son went to bed early. When he realized how early it was, he wanted to get up. I suggested that maybe, if he was already reading in bed, he was tired and needed to rest. He said he wanted to make use of his time. I said, "that's a great idea, you can clean your room." He answered "I want to go on the computer." (surprise, surprise). I reminded him that he was not allowed on the computer at this time, and suggested, again, that he could use this time to clean his room. You never saw a kid pick up a book so fast!

I tucked in my son and... left for a Va'ad Horim (PTA) meeting at my daughter's high school. I felt a little more ba'inyanim (on top of things) at this meeting. (I know it's hard to imagine, but I was a little overwhelmed by the powerful presense of the other parents at the first meeting)

By the way, my late night talk with my daughter last night was mostly about how she LOVES her high school. She's been there for only a few months and already feels like she can do ANYTHING she wants! It is absolutely wonderful for me to see her so happy.

Even though I was tired, I had a really nice chat with one of the moms after the meeting.

I finally arrived at home at close to midnight. Moshe was (is) still working on my medical file. I made sure my kids were all tucked in and kissed them goodnight. They are so beautiful when they are sleeping!!

A few moments spent blogging and... I'm off to sleep!

I really do lead an insane lifestyle!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Aseifat Horim

I wouldn't even begin to know how to say Aseifat Horim in English!

In the beginning of every school year, every educational framework in Israel, from Gan (kindergarden) through High School, has an aseifat horim.

At the aseifat horim, parents meet their children's teachers for the first time. It is also an opportunity to meet the other parents.

For kindergarden, the aseifat horim is relatively simple. Parents arrive, are given some sort of cardboard shape (eg. a flower), and are asked to write their child a bracha (blessing) for the upcoming year. Then, the ganenet (kindergarden teacher) invites the parents to introduce themselves, after which, she explains everything a parents should know about kindergarden. At the end, the ganenet asks for volunteers for the va'ad horim (parents committee).

In the beginning of our journey into the school system, I was impressed that parents were invited to be more involved. With time, I learned that the main job of the va'ad horim was to collect money.

In elementary school, in addition to meeting with the teachers, the aseifat horim includes greetings from the principal.

In Junior High School, we are also introduced to other staff (guidance counselor, vice principal, etc).

Last night, we had our first High School aseifat horim.

The first thing that impressed me was that it began on time!!

Good thing, too, because there was a lot of talking! Greetings from the principal, the Rav, the vice principal, the pedagogical coordinator, a second pedagogical coordinator, the administration manager -- whew!

Admittedly, some of it was a little boring.

Nonetheless, overall, everyone who spoke was really excited about the school and about all the special programs. Their enthusiasm was contageous.

Finally, we divided into our individual class meetings. It was nice to see some familiar faces among the parents.

Y's teacher exuded positive energy, and was very articulate. I discovered that this teacher would teach my daughter for both 9th and 10th grade. I was pleased.

I could tell why my daughter was happy to go to school every day.

When we got home, Y was in bed, but still awake.

"Did you meet my teacher?" she asked, right away.

Y looked up at me, her sweet, innocent, eyes shining.

In a soft voice, she continued, "She's nice, isn't she?"

I looked at my beautiful daughter, who is growing up so fast, and whose independence is emerging as a strong force in our household.

I wanted to hold onto that moment forever.

I bent down, and kissed her on her forehead.

"Yes, she is," I assured my daughter, as her eyes closed, and she drifted off to sleep.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Telling the Teachers

This is the third year I have to tell my kids' teachers about our “situation.”

You might think the telling would get easier with time. It doesn’t.

Our kids are in school so much of the day. I have to rely on their teachers to be our eyes and ears. It is likely that the teacher will notice if something is wrong, maybe even before I do.

I need the teachers on my team.

But it is difficult. Difficult introducting the "situation;" difficult explaining the "situation;" difficult making sure they know to be on the lookout; difficult conveying that we want to know about anything unusal right away (and they should not "protect" us by keeping information from us); difficult conveying information so that they understand, without pitying me, or my children.

They need to know.

Hopefully, this is just a precaution. Hopefully, my cancer won't be an "issue" for my kids.

But the teachers need to know.

And I need to tell them.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Little Things

It's the little things that make us "lose it."

I can handle cancer.

But when I go to the municipality and the manager is rude to me, I break down crying in front of a hundred people.

I can handle cancer, because I devote 100% of my resources to handling cancer.

There are no resources left to handle the little things.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

My son, he's doing great too. He can handle having a mom with cancer.

But, today, when he needed to get to school by a certain time, and he did not know who would be bringing him, he got really anxious.

This afternoon, he did not want to leave school, because he did not know how he was getting back. (School ended at 12:00 and he had to be back by 3:30)

I took it for granted that I would be taking him.

But I guess I did not convey that clearly to my son.

When he got home, he was really upset that I had not told him what our plans were.

I cannot fault him for being worried. Every two out of three Tuesdays, I am not home when he gets home, because I am at chemo. And, at least one, if not two, of those two Tuesdays, I come home quite late. (after 3:30)

Furthermore, when I do, finally, come home from chemo, I crash. I am tired. I go straight to bed.

So, my son does not take it for granted that I will be available on a Tuesday afternoon and able to take him back to school.


My son is a normal, little kid. But he does not have a "normal" mother.

So, a little thing, like getting to school by 3:3o, is suddenly monumentally important. (Never mind that these school events NEVER start on time)

It is the importance of getting there on time, which catches us off guard, and reminds us how precarious our childrens' security is.

It is the little things, about which we need to be so careful, that keep our children ballanced and their world stable.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

SNOW DAYS

I woke up this morning to a beautiful flurry outside my window....

It was just an illusion. We could see the snow settling on the next hill. But, once again, no snow in Homat Shmuel.

It turns out that, despite appearing to be a tall mountain, Homat Shmuel is actually one of the lowest hills of Jerusalem. We get less snow than anywhere else in Jerusalem!

So, when the radio announced that there would be school today (starting at 9:00, instead of 8:00), we (read: Moshe) woke up the kids, got them ready, and drove them to school.

Moshe dropped off Y, waited for her to confirm that the gate was open, and then drove away.

A minute later, Y called. The gate was open, but her school was locked.

Moshe drove back to pick her up.


*** Meanwhile, back at the ranch... ***

The phone rings.

It is one of the parents from the kids' elementary school.

School is cancelled.

The teachers, and the principal, who live in the "gush" (Gush Etzion), can't get into Jerusalem (THEY have snow!). And the hasa'ot (children's mini busses) aren't working.

I wonder why everyone realized this less than half an hour before school starts. But, no time to argue. (Besides, I don't believe in shooting the messenger)

I run to call Moshe.

"Where are you?" I ask, without bothering to say "hello."

"I just dropped the kids off and am heading home," came his response.

I drop the bomb: "School is cancelled," I inform my dear, sweet husband, knowing how frustrated he will feel driving around and back into the Old City.

Now to track down our kids...

It didn't take long. Some kids from their school were playing outside in the snow. MD & A went to their house and called Moshe.

With kids in the car, and on his way home, again, Moshe called to ask "What about Y?"

I called her school. No answer. I called her teacher. School is open, she answered officially. However, she continued, expecting me to read between the lines, "If most girls don't come, we won't be covering new material." I called Moshe.

"Y called some friends. They are not going to school," he told me.

"Great," I answered, "bring them all home."

Pause.

"What about chemo?" Moshe ventured.

"I'll call the hospital..." I said, hanging up one phone and dialing on the other.

No snow-day for me.


(a special thanks to CV, who braved the snow to keep me company)


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Parent-Teacher Conferences

Tonight we had parent-teacher conferences at my two younger kids' school.

This is a quintessential Israeli experience.

All semester, you know it's coming, you just don't know when....

Then, with just a few days notice -- here it is.

On the notice, is the time that each parent is scheduled to meet with the teacher.

If you have more that one child in the school, you might have to do some serious juggling. (I once had two appointments scheduled for the same time). Not to worry, the scheduled times have very little to do with reality.

But wait, there's more. The evening is far more complicated. In addition to meeting with the mechanechet (main teacher), it is also important to meet with the morot miktzoiot ("professional" teachers). And, if you are really ambitious, you also try to meet with the yoetzet (guidance councellor) and/or the principal.

There is no homeroom teacher here. The kids go to school and whoever teachers them their first class, also greets them when they get to school, and supervises morning t'fillot (prayers). The mechanechet (main teacher), teaches them the most subjects, including basic subjects, such as Torah (Bible). The morot miktzoiot ("professional" teachers) teach them specialized subjects: math, science, English, Arabic, Art, and Jerusalem studies (a special course of study, unique to our school).

There is no schedule for those specialized teachers, who are seated all over the school. So, it's "first come, first served". Though sometimes there is a sign up chart -- so you don't have to just stand around and wait.

So.... parents begin this unique process of running around, trying to fit everyone in, without missing your main appointments(s), and without missing a teacher, who is leaving early.

Basically, you rush to a teacher, sit down, discuss your child/children, get up, then rush to another teacher and start again.

Of course, there are parents who skip the "extras". They just meet with the main teacher and go home.

That's not us.

We meet with EVERYONE.

And tonight, it was worth it!

Both kids are doing well. Of course, there is room for improvement. But, overall, each has improved significantly and continues to improve.

Now we have our homework: to help our kids continue in the right direction!


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Adventures in Parenting: That's Outrageous...or not!

It was outrageous!

It was only the second week of school and my son was sent to the principal and kicked out of class for not doing his homework!

I couldn't believe it!

And I shouldn't have.... because my son had relayed only half of the story...

But first, a bit of background:
Last year, after repeatedly not doing his homework, my son was kicked out of class. He was justifiably upset. "They should take away recess, not make me miss class", he complained. We wrote a letter to the school, and quoted our son's mature response.

So now I was indignant! What blatant disregard for our concerns that our son not miss class!

I drafted a letter. I called the school, the teacher, the counselor -- no one was available. I called my husband and delivered my tirade. I was not going to let this pass quitely!

Luckily, by the time the teacher returned my call, I had the presence of mind to listen before engaging in battle!

It turns out, that as a result of not doing his homework, the teacher told my son that he would miss recess. My son decided that since the teacher was taking away his rightful break, he would implement his break immediately; he took out his book (Harry Potter, of course) and began reading in class. It was this breach of conduct that prompted the teacher to send him to the principal and the subsequent punishment.

Needless to say, my dismay was redirected to the appropriate culprit....

My son had a hard time hiding his impish grin. He was "busted" and he knew it.

Nevertheless, he was agitated that the teacher had the nerve to take away his recess. I reminded him that she gave him the punishment that he himself had advocated, just the previous year. "Someone must have given me Pollyjuice", he innocently protested! But his claims of memory loss were irrelevant.

Magic potions from Harry Potter were not going to save him.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA