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Monday, January 11, 2010

What Got Me Out of My Funk?

I was stuck.... for months. 

I just could not shake off that feeling of gloom and doom.

I had all sorts of good excuses reasons:  brain mets, radiation, exhaustion, Bar Mitzvah preparations, family leaves, summer ends, school starts, chagim, flu for weeks.... 

Whatever the reason, I was in a funk.

And I did not like it.

Then, I read about the Middle East Breast Cancer Conference banning Israelis -- well, that got my blood boiling.  After some research, I posted about how Susan G. Komen for the Cure continued to support the conference. (I still owe you all a follow up post...)  Then, when I cross-posted to my former group blog, I got censored! -- that got my blood boiling even more!  I started researching, writing and FIGHTING for my principals. 

Susan G. Komen for the Cure was purposefully misleading the public, and betraying our trust.  I spent hours researched the facts, so I could expose the truth. 

At the same time, women from my group blog, who I thought were my friends, treated me with such disregard and disrespect!  I was so hurt, and so angry.  At first, I tried to show them what they were doing, but their disdain obscured all logic.  No one rose to my defense.  And, when I left, only a few chose to continue their contact with me.  For almost two years, I had deluded myself into believing that these women cared and supported me.  I was furious about their deception, and my own naiveté.

I was fuming over these two injustices.

I had no time for self-pity, and no patience for anything else.

I was Don Quixote and I had my windmills to fight!

After a week or so, I had to put these issues aside.  I was still burning with righteous indignation, but I did not have time to succumb to my fury.

I was no longer feeling lethargic and apathetic.

I had things to do, and I was back on track!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

6 comments:

Ranting Zelda said...

you were wise to let go of certain issues. you can't change other peoples' minds. the best revenge is to live well!

Staying Afloat said...

I think it's amazing how much determination can be therapeutic. And sometimes it takes correctly placed anger to drive someone. I recognize this in my life as well- the year-long fight to have my autistic son placed in an appropriate school is what got me through dealing with his diagnosis. Because I was doing something about it.

So I get this, and am so glad you had the energy to fight and the knowledge of when to back down.

mikimi said...

you go girl!

MommaMindy said...

I love your spunk, but I am sorry for the pain that caused it!

RivkA with a capital A said...

Zelda -- That's part of my "avodah atzmit" (working on myself). I am doing my best to "let go" of the things that are not important. It does not come easy to me.

Staying Afloat -- you got it. The fight channeled my dormant energy and brought it back to the surface. I was, thank God, able to let go of the fight and utilize the energy for more positive accomplishments!

Mikimi & Mindy -- thanks!!

Batya said...

The fight is good!
refuah shleimah