"So, kiddo, how are you doing?" asked my oncologist, as he opened my files (the one on his desk and the one on his computer).
"Well," I began, "my mood has been swinging up and down...."
"You get depressed?" he asked, with a puzzled look.
"Yeah, she does," confirmed Moshe.
"'cause I don't see it..." continued my oncologist.
Even in the chemo ward, my mood is usually upbeat -- probably because every week a different friend comes to hang out and I just enjoy the company so much!
"What are you feeling?" he asked, looking at me seriously.
"I'm having a hard time with the "long term" thing," I explained (not for the first time). "I just wish I could look forward to a time when it will be over."
"Do you want to see someone?" he asked (also not for the first time).
The thing is, I am not clinically depressed. I get out of bed in the morning. I am active. I have a strong support network: family, friends, my support group, and my blog.
What more would I get from therapy? I asked. There is no clinical indication that I need a psychologist. It all depends on how I feel.
Overall, I feel I am handling things pretty well. Both my husband and my oncologist agree.
But I still have mood swings. I still wish it would all just go away.
Someone once told me that all the cancer stuff would eventually fade into the background, like white noise from the radio.
I hope that is true.
Meanwhile, I hear the radio blaring and I really wish someone would change the channel.
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,
Dawn! Transition! Something New, Gd Willing!!
17 hours ago