A week ago, after swimming, I sat in the locker room combing out my hair.... literally.
As I combed, more and more hair came out in the comb.
It took me a few minutes to realize what was happening.
A few weeks ago, I commented to my oncologist that my hair did not seem to be falling out and, perhaps, I would not lose my hair this time either.
"Don't count on it," he responded, matter-of-factly.
I still have not figured out what I want to do.
I am reluctant to just "shave it all off," since I have met women who did not lose their hair with Taxol.
Some women just lose the hair on their heads; others keep the hair on their heads but lose their eyebrows and eyelashes; other women lose both; some women lose ALL their hair (including the hairs on their arms and legs).
I had always thought that I would be one of those bold women who just shave everything off. You know, the "get them, before they get you" approach.
If I knew for certain that I would lose it all, then that is what I would do. But I don't.
So I am waiting is out. Holding on to what is left. And wondering, if it all falls out, will I ever have red hair again....
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,
RivkA
Thursday, January 8, 2009
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12 comments:
Yup, I'm up at this hour, trying to settle in after the 2nd siren this evening, last one was at 12:30Am. I just want to say that you are in the front line of your own war. I had a typo there originally, it said won war. From my typo to Hahsem's ears.
And, yes, once a redhead, always a redhead. Even if you are bald, sweetie. :-)
Hope to see you Friday!
Sarah, sleepless in Be'er Sheva
Oy, Sarah, whoever you are, sorry you have to be sleepless. I remember from the gulf war what a pain in the neck running to shelters/ sleeping in shelters is.
Rivka, I hear. May it be easy choices for you....
That's what sheitls are for! (I never thought I would be recommending one of those, but whatever.)
Many hugs and much love.
You will ALWAYS be a redhead, even when your hair has long turned silver gray and soft white. And we will share virtual brownies a long time from now and talk about your red-headed grandchildren.
I thought i wouldnt be so affected by losing my hair, but its a whole different story when it actually starts to come out. i didnt deal well at first and once i realized it was all on its way down the drain, i just shaved it off (but it took a while to get to that place). once it was gone, it took a while to deal with "being bald," but i was honestly too tired to care at that point....oh the joys of chemo....i wish you MUCH luck!!
RivkA, you will always be a redhead to those of us who know you and love you. Did you keep that little braid which went down your back when you first cut your hair from near waist-length to above the shoulders? My grandmother was a redhead, and when she decided to cut her hair short she braided it, cut it, and then went to the hairdresser to have it cut evenly. She showed me the (still thick and red) braid forty years later! Lots of hugs, love, and chocolate!
-Na'amah
Oh, how I wish I would have braided and kept my long, thick red hair, when I cut it off almost twenty years ago!
Keeping the thin braid that I had for years (zecher lachurban, lehavdil!) would have been good too.
I have thought about braiding what I have left and cutting it off as a rememberance.
I think that might be important to me, if I do lose it all...
But then I wonder what will be if my hair does not all fall out.
If it does (all fall out), I will be really sad that I did not do it.
So I guess I have my answer...
Sarah -- I am so sad that you are not sleeping well!! Come stay with us!! You might not sleep, but at least it will be because we are staying up too late talking, and not because of those other things....
Rickismom -- choices are never easy for me!! (that's part of the problem)
Marion -- same thought!
SquarePeg613 -- thanks! I need them/it!
AdinaAsher -- I would be happier if we shared REAL brownies... as long as you bake them! ;-)
I would love red-haired grandchildren! I put in my order for red-haired kids, but my request was denied....
Emily -- I like to think that I will be cool with the whole bald head thing. But I am not so certain....
Na'ama - loved your comment, I commented on it above
HI RivkA - I'm a big behind on my posts. The hair on my head started to grow back when I was half way through my Taxol so maybe it's short lived for you. I lost my hair with the original "cocktail" called FEC (each letter is a long fangled named drug). With Taxol though the eyelashes and eyebrows lept off my face though - then I really did feel like I "looked like a cancer patient".
Just curious what you did. After a week of hair fall-out, I finally had my husband shave it off because I was filling trash cans with hair every hour. The next week I scrubbed my head with a washcloth and I came out of the shower literally with a stubbly mohawk - hahahahaha. It was humorous.
Happy Healing thoughts coming your way!
Redhead is in the blood, honey, not in the hair. :)
Do you want to borrow my redhead for a few hours? Warning: he's teething.
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