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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Slowing Down and Letting Go

Tuesday morning, on our way to the brit (see previous post), Moshe casually mentioned that he was "surprised that [I] did not get up this morning."

When I wondered why, he reminded me that our eldest left that morning for a three day tiyul (hike).

"You always used to get up with them," he continued,"even for a short, one day trip..."

He was right. In the past, whenever one of my kids had a tiyul (hike), I would get up early (no matter what the hour) and make sure they had everything they need (this is after helping them pack their bags and giving them treats the night before). Then I would remind them to be safe and stay close to the madrich (guide), give them a kiss and hug, and send them on their merry way.

I do not think I ever missed saying goodbye on the morning of a tiyul... until this Tuesday.

Tuesday morning's activities penetrated the fog of my sleep, but only ever so slightly.

I was too tired to wake up. By the time I finally opened my eyes and called for my daughter, they were gone. I felt a moment's disappointment before I rolled over and fell back asleep.

I did not know how to respond to my husband. I knew he was not trying to make me feel bad. And I knew that I did not need to feel bad. Moreover, I knew that my daughter would be fine (and that I had helped her with everything she needed the night before).

Still, I missed saying goodbye to her.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


adena said...

Maybe now you need the rest more than she needs the attention...I think you need to take good care of yourself, and right now you need rest. Everyone will survive...but you need to take care of YOU.

Ilana said...

Of course you did. Hugs!

Batya said...

You must be so tired. Maybe you should establish a routine that before they leave for a tiyul or something similar, they should come in to give you a kiss goodbye, even if you're asleep.

RivkA with a capital A said...

Adena -- it is true, I did need the rest more than she needed the attention. Still, I felt sad when I realized that I missed "the moment." I know that the time is coming soon when, not only will she not need that type of attention, she might not even want it. They grow up so fast....

Square Peg -- you always say the right things!!

Muse -- that is a great idea!! when my kids go to bed before I get home, I go into their rooms to tuck them in and give them a kiss goodnight. it comforts them to know I do this, even though they rarely wake up to notice.