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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Case for Separate Bedrooms

Recently, I heard about couples in America who have "his" and "hers" bedrooms. My initial reaction was "that is not normal!"

I know that there are/were other cultures/times where/when separate bedrooms are/were the norms. (did you follow that?)

The point is, it seemed odd to me in today's day and age, in America, of all places. It just does not seem healthy for members of a strong, loving relationship to sleep separately.

So, when we slept over at our friend's home (last week), and she offered us our choice of THREE different bedrooms where we could choose either to sleep separately or together, I thought she was... well... a little loony. (Actually, I knew she was a little loony; that is why I like her so much!)

The truth is, she was just being a good host. She knows that my husband is always hot and I am always cold, and she was providing us with all the options (Room A has air-conditioning; room B has a ceiling fan, etc). In her family, she is the one who suffers from the heat (and has a husband who is always cold). So, she "gets it."

Anyway, we set up beds in the same room, but when Moshe was ready to go to bed (a good two hours before we were), he was hot and announced that he would sleep in the room with the A/C.

When I finally went to bed myself, I realized that having the room to myself meant that I did not have to worry about waking him up. Even more significantly, I could close the window and keep the ceiling fan on low. The room temperature was warm and comfortable. I slept like a baby!

The next morning, both Moshe and I noted how well we slept -- him in his icebox and me in my toaster. (That's about as far as I can carry this kitchen analogy....)

I might have to rethink this....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


Anonymous said...

first insane now looney?do the hurl of addjectives never end?you can rethink the muffins and coffe dear freind,as ive said before ,sanity is highley overrated,and whats wrong with loony tunes?my dear very sane freind,may hashem send you refuah shlaima,may this year be wonderful for you and your family,filled with good health,smachot,and nachas from your children,and yes,many insane and loony freinds who keep you up late,seperate you from your husband to thaw out for a njght,and even give you muffins and coffe at ung-dly hours of the morning,love and kisses,the nightloon

Anonymous said...

Did anyone mention snoring? I am a very light sleeper. Even the slightest snore keeps me awake.

Staying Afloat said...

I agree! Snoring and temperatures can both be a reason to split. Another is kids: if there's a baby who sleeps with ima and abba needs to sleep, or a toddler who can be with one parent and give the other the night off.

My husband loves his baby-free business trips, and I change the thermostat when he travels.

SuperRaizy said...

In my opinion, there's a strong case to be made for separate apartments...

Batya said...

Of course, when the house was more crowded I didn't, but many a night when snoring keeps me up, I'll sleep on the couch, better to sleep. But it could also be that years ago, he didn't snore.

Mindy said...

Just this morning, as my husband and I were enjoying those quiet moments quietly talking together before we had to face the day, we were laughing at some friends we knew that slept in separate beds. We thought they were crazy! They are the only couple we have ever heard of doing this in America, not that I know everyone here. :) They are now divorced...don't know if I can attibute it to the beds or not, but we had our suspicions.

During sleepless/restless times of cancer treatment, I would sleep on the couch to give my husband peace. He would end up either coming to get me or sleeping on the other couch. His snoring has driven me to the couch on occasion, but when he is snoring, he doesn't realize I am gone.

Why do we have to choose between SLEEP and CLOSENESS? It's real life, that's why.

JJ said...

LOL-ing at Raizy's comment...

Anonymous said...

going even further afield, how about separate countries. My husband's now in the States. Ya, I miss him, but enjoying the quiet and peace.


rw said...

I always think that these are the most important questions to ask when dating:
Do you sleep with:
- the a/c on or off?
- the door open or closed?
- the window open or closed?
- the light outside on or off?

Never mind the deeper theological issues - they'll work themselves out in the end.
But those sleeping questions, they're the ones that you're going to be fighting over every night for the rest of your married life! (or until one gives in to the other in the name, or you find a happy compromise!)