Not So Fun and Relaxing

Today, my plan had been to go to my art class, get a massage, then come home and rest for a few hours before going out to speak to the women's Rosh Chodesh group in Elazar.

Instead, I spent the entire day at the hospital! 

To begin with, even though I am wearing THREE pain patches (12 mg each) and took a Percocet as soon as I woke up, the first thing the pain specialist in the oncology ward had me do was take two more Percocets.  It did shoot me into La-La-Land, but I could finally bare the pain! 

Then, after a brief consult and exam by my oncologist, he sent me for a CT.  After which he invited an amazing (and very nice) oncological orthopedic surgeon for an additional evaluation.  I need to do an MRI of my hip, to make sure I have no fracture, but that will wait for another day.

After I finally got out of the hospital, I had to go to the pharmacy for more pain meds, but they did not have the higher dose pain patches, that the doctor wants me to try.  My mom drove me to another pharmacy, but they did not have the patches either!  I was too tired to make another stop, so we just gave up and will go tomorrow.

By the time I got home, just a few minutes ago, I only had (have) an hour and a half to rest before leaving to speak this evening.

I am so damn tired!

I am counting on the fact that being around people energizes me.  So, I am not too concerned about my ability to give a good presentation.

That said, I am pretty sure I will crash afterwards.  Thankfully, I do not have anything planned for tomorrow, so I can rest.  Though I would really like to do something fun with my mom, who is leaving in two days. 

Being in all this pain has really cramped my style! 

I had planned on doing all these fun things with my mom.  In the end, I did not feel up to doing anything fun!  I am really hoping that we will manage to fit in at least a few fun things during the next two days!

I wanted today to be fun and relaxing.  It really was not!

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Anyway, if any of you women live in the Gush, you are certainly welcome to come here me speak this evening at the moadon in Elazar at 8:00 pm.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Talking about Cancer

The first time I was invited to speak about living with cancer, the hostess asked me how much to charge at the door.  I did not want anyone to refrain from attending because of money.  On the other hand, with all the additional expenses of cancer, I knew we could use any extra income.  I agreed with the hostess to put out a voluntary donation box;  no one would check who put what, if anything, in the box. 

I decided to "tag" whatever money came in, for my kids, for their future.  Any earnings from my cancer experience would be used to enrich my children's lives.


Almost a year ago, I spoke to a group that could not pay me right away. 

I only found that out, after I spoke to the group.

OK, I would wait.  In any case, it was only a small gratuity.

Still, any money I earn from speaking (or writing) is tagged for our "family fund."  It is for my kids.  Either for their future, or for creating family memories now, by doing things we would not have otherwise done.

A few months passed.  Nothing.

Half a year passed.  Nothing.

In another few months, it will have been a year since I addressed the group. 

To my surprise and pleasure, a few days ago, I received an envelope from the group.

More significant than the money, was the DVD they included.  They had recorded my presentation and sent me a copy.

Last night, I watched the DVD.

It has been many years since I saw myself on video.  (The last time must have been in high school, when I took a college course, at FDU, in public speaking.  They recorded one of our presentations, so we could be see ourselves.  My dad recommended I take that course, and it was one of the most valuable classes I ever had.  I used those skills throughout my professional life.) 

I have a lot of experience in public speaking.  I have also trained others in public speaking.  Yet, no matter how much positive feedback I receive, I almost always have some self-criticism about what I should have done differently.  I always wonder what I would have thought of my presentation, had I been in the audience.

Seeing myself on video, I got a chance to be a part of the audience.

I got a chance to view myself "from the outside."

It was fascinating to see myself as others see me.

Enough time had passed, that I no longer remembered what I talked about with that particular group.  Watching the video almost felt like watching another person.  It was interesting to watch "that woman" tell her story and share her insights.

I could not help but notice any time I fumbled over a word. But I also saw a very different me: confident, articulate, dynamic.


(If anyone can walk me through how to do it, I would post it on you tube.)

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Interesting Experience

When my friend (ZW), and later Lena Stern (Yuri Stern's widow), asked me to say a few words at tonight's fundraiser, I agreed, without hesitation.

I did not realize that I would know most of the people in the audience.

I should have known.... I just didn't.

So, when I addressed the audience, it was like talking with friends.

Except, I talked about the things I never talk about.

In order to appreciate what it is that the Yuri Stern Foundation provides for cancer patients, it is necessary to understand what a day at the hospital is like.

So, I painted the picture, with the express hope that none of them should ever have to experience, first hand, a day in the chemo ward.

Afterwards, so many people approached me with comments and compliments.

I realized, I never before spelled out, in detail, what goes on during chemo days.

Tomorrow, b'li neder (no promises), I will post about what a day in the life of a cancer patient is really like.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA