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Monday, September 22, 2008


Just when I thought I was coming out of my slump....

I don't seem to be overwhelmingly sad these days.


I seem to be angry.

I am easily agitated.

I have no patience.

I can be in a good mood one minute, and ready to scream the next.

I am volatile and unpredictable.

I am bitter.

I hate being in pain.

I hate having to take drugs.

I hate having cancer.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


rutimizrachi said...

I hate that you have cancer, too. I want for you to be well and strong, and for IT to go away and never to have been. I do not understand why crappy things happen to good and decent people. All of the wise words written about such things just help me to walk upright for another day. They don't fix it.

And now I am going to send happy, healing thoughts, and daven, because there is no damn other thing I can do.

rickismom said...

A revered rebbitzen who lost a son to cancer, said once to me (when I told her that I get sick of people saying I'm a tzadekas for keeping a child with Down s., when sometimes I feel like SCREAMING to G-d that this is not the type of child I prayed for...) She said:
accepting nissiyon (tribulations) in love does not mean "G-d, I'm SO greatfull for this" NO. It is just being willing not to KICK back, and to keep going. Anger is normal.
And I agree with Ruti M.: will send prayers, as there is nothing else to do....

Anonymous said...

Refua Shleima - feel good!! I think it's probably normal to react that way to constant pain and tension - it's also exhausting! Please come to us for the first day of chag! -Jameela

Anonymous said...

We should select a time and then, all of us, give one huge planet-encircling scream. It might not change anything, but it sure would feel good.

A Living Nadneyda said...

As a counter-balance to the anger you are feeling, I want to let you in on a thought that I shared last night with That Guy I Married (you know the one):

I was jumping around on the jblogosphere, and noted that many of the comments you leave on other's blogs are extremely well thought out, interesting, and holistic in their outlook. (I also find myself agreeing with most of them, but that's an aside). I learn a lot from the way you express yourself.

I know, you're still angry.... does it help to hear that you really know how to be angry intelligently? ;-)

Keep writing... we're reading!

rutimizrachi said...

Dear ALN: Nicely said!

Batya said...

It's ok to scream. Really.

refuah shleimah

Baila said...

When I'm angry I eat ice cream.

Also when I'm sad.

And when I'm nervous.

And when I'm bored.

And when I'm tired.

And when I'm scared.

And, of course, when I'm happy.

(Not trying to make light of what you're going through, really, just telling you what helps me).

Feel better. >:-(

RivkA with a capital A said...

rutimizrachi, rickismom – Keep davening!! God is listening!!

Jameela – we would love to come! However, my parents will be here for the chagim, so I don’t know if it would work out…

Yehudit & Muse – I’m all for the primordial scream!

ALN – you are so great! Thank for the compliments! And the laugh!! I don’t know if my kids would agree. They might find me more scary than intelligent at those times...

Baila – I LOVE it!! I was vegetarian for years! I used to joke that the reason I was vegetarian had nothing to do with ideology, it was so that I could always eat ice cream!!