Car Crisis

I thought I was so smart, and responsible.

I did not want my car to break down during Sukkot (like it did last Pesach).

I had planned on taking my car in yesterday (Monday). That would have given me an extra day, in case something went wrong. (little did I know...)

But I was too wiped out from Chemo; I could not drag myself out of the house. (I was so exhausted, even after I napped, I almost cancelled swimming lessons. Thank God, I really pushed myself. .The moment I entered the water, I felt much better.)

If I wanted to take care of the car before my parents arrived, I had to do it this morning.

I brought my car to the shop, in Talpiot, around 9:15 am. After I dropped off my car, my friend, RD, picked me up and we drove to Malcha Mall, since both of us had errands to do there.

I needed to repair several broken mobile phones -- another thing I wanted to take care of before my parents got here.

We dropped off the phones, went to the hardware store, then to Sambuki's (on the first floor of the mall). We ate these yummy, freshly baked, "pizza-like" things: tasty, crusty dough, topped with a generous portion of pesto, Bulgarian cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, and roasted peppers. Delicious!

Then we picked up the phones, left the mall, did a few more quick errands, and headed back to Talpiot.

We had just parked the car, when Moshe called.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, with concern in his voice.

Now, my husband is a sensitive guy, and all that, but something was wrong.

"What's going on?" I asked, suspiciously.

"Well, a few minutes ago, everyone, and I mean everyone, on the first floor of Malcha Mall started coughing uncontrollably. They are evacuating the area...." he continuted, "How are you feeling.

Pretty freaky.

Besides the scratchy throat, from post-nasal drip, that I had for several days, I felt fine. (Though you know how it is... you start to wonder....)

"Please let me know," I answered, "if we need to go get checked out."

I found out later, someone released tear gas in the mall. (I do not know any more details. Sorry for the Hebrew only link)

It was pretty spooky to know that we were just there, and missed the attack by a matter of minutes.

Back to the mundane: my car was not ready.

The car shop gave us coupons for coffee and a danish, so, we went to the Talpiot Mall (Kanyon Yisrael), had a coffee (sans chemo!), and wandered around some of the shops. But there is only so much shopping you can do. (At least, there is only so much shopping I can do)

We went back to the car shop to wait.

Eventually, RD had to go.

I waited another two hours.

In hindsight, I should have gone back with her. I could have been with my kids for two hours, and taken a cab back when the car was ready. Oh, well.

But that's not the worst of it.

"What do you want first," asked the agent, when he finally approached me with the keys to my car, "the good news or the bad news?"

"Bad news first," I answered, naively unaware of the hammer that was about to fall.

There is something wrong with the computer that controls the break system (ABS). Replacing it will cost around 7,000 NIS, not including taxes and labor!

"How can that be?" I ask, shocked beyond imagination. "How can it be so expensive?"

"You will let me know what you decide," he replied gently.

(I am wondering, is he suggesting that I drive around with a faulty break system?)

There was more.

"We did not get a chance to fix some of the other problems," he continued, "You will have to bring the car in again."

Great.

There goes my great plan of servicing the car before my parents get here...

I left the shop at 5:15, exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

On the way home, just after I picked up my son, my daughter called. My parents' plane landed an hour early; my sister already picked them up. They would arrive at my home within the hour.

So much for starting off our visit on the right foot!

I focused on my breathing and tried to stay calm, as I tidied up whatever I could, before they arrived.

God bless my daughters. A cleaned her room and Y set up the beds, before I even got home! Everyone pitched in to help.

God bless my parents. They did not say a word about the mess when they walked in the door!

Though chaotic, the evening went surprisingly well.

The house is quiet.

The kids are sleeping peacefully.

All four grown-ups (Moshe, my mom, my dad, and I) are each doing our own thing, on our own computers.

I guess that is as good a way as any to end the day....

The car will have to wait another few days.

I'll bring it back to the shop on Sunday, on my way to chemo....



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Who Are You??

Two hundred and forty seven people visited my blog today yesterday! (Monday)

Who are you???


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

My Parents are Coming! My Parents are Coming!

OK, so no one is out there ringing the bells, but I am still excited..... and a bit apprehensive!

I really want this to be a good visit.

Now would be a really good time for God to help me model Kibud Av Va'Em.

Besides needing to set a good example, I really want to treat them right.

Besides, I miss my parents.... a lot!

So, when they are here, I want to maximize our time together!

I also want to show them how much I appreciate them!

It is not always easy.

My parents, especially my mother, pushes my buttons.

You might think that, at this point, I would stop acting like a 14 year old when I am with my mom.

You would be wrong.

The thing is, my daughter is 14 years old.

And I do not want her acting like I do.

Not now, and not in another 30 years.

For years, Moshe has been telling me that the educational message I deliver by my actions, is far more influential than the educational message I deliver by my words.

Grudginly, I admit to knowing that he is right.

When you pray for me, please pray that God gives me the strength to fulfill the mitzvah of Kibud Av Va'Em.

Because I need help.

And, if I do it right, everyone wins.

My parents,

My kids,

and me.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Chemo Day

On Tuesday, Sept 22, I came late to chemo. My friend had a son, and the brit was that morning.

I called in advance, and both my doctor and the head nurse approved the late arrival.

We agreed that I would arrive by 11:00 am, and that I would call earlier in the morning, to remind them to prepare my prescription.

I forgot.

Well, I remembered at 7:30 (too early to call), and forgot at 9:00 (the right time to call).

It happens.

So, they ordered my prescription when I arrived, at a quarter to 11:00.

The delay might not have made a difference. That day, there were several prescriptions which were delayed for unknown reasons.

Unfortunately for me, the delay would have significant repurcussions. I was scheduled to get all three drugs that day: Herceptin, Navalbine, and Zomera/Denosumab.

I was also scheduled to get a full-body x-ray for the bone drug study, but that was not such a big deal. I was able to get the x-ray while I was hooked up to the Herceptin IV.

The Herceptin took a long time. If the drip is too fast, I have an allergic reaction (pain in my chest, as if someone is squeezing my sternum).

At 3:30, one of the nurses informed that if I did not finish by 4:00, I would have to return the following day, for the remainder of my treatments.

On several occasions, over the past few months, I finished receiving my treatments around 5:00 pm. So I did not understand why she insisted I return, when I would be finished by 4:15 or 4:30.

The doctor on duty approached me, and explained (rather harshly) that it was her responsibility to be there while patients received their treatments, and she had to leave by 4:00 (since she had a clinic across town).

I was quite taken aback by the hostile way she spoke to me.

Though I was not the only patient still receiving treatment, she scolded me, saying "because of you, I cannot leave, and all the patients at my clinic will be treated late!"

I understood her time constraints, and appreciated the fact that she did not want to keep her patients waiting.

Still, she could have said "I understand that it is disappointing, and inconvenient. I am sorry, but there really is no other choice."

She was completely insensitive and unsympathetic.

The nurse on duty saw that I was distressed, and offered to leave my port open, so that I could come to the hospital in the morning, get hooked up right away, and finish quickly.

I appreciated her attentiveness and consideration.

The next day, I discovered that there were further consequences from the delay.

I would not be able to have my next treatment the following Sunday, before Rosh HaShanah, as originally planned.

I dreaded the thought of coming in on the Thursday after Rosh HaShanah. I knew the ward would be swamped after being closed for three days. Moreover, I would be anxious about finishing in time to teach swimming. And, I did not know if I would be able to teach, since I am extremely tired and worn out by the time I get home from chemo.

My doctor, and the head nurse, agreed that I could come in on Sunday (today) for the next treatment.

Well, if I thought the ward would be any less crowded, I was sorely mistaken!

This time, I was instructed to arrive late. I was only getting Navalbine, so it would not take that long.

Hah!

I arrived around 10:30 (instead of the usual 9:00).

It was a madhouse!

It took almost three hours for the pharmacy to deliver the drugs and for the nurses to hook me up. It usually takes one hour; on rare occasions, an hour and a half. But never THREE hours!

By the time I finished, I was completely finished!

I really wanted to go straight to sleep when I got home, but Moshe had to work late, and I had to be around for the kids.

It ended up being a late night for all sorts of reasons....

At 10:00 pm, my phone rang.

"Why are you up?" asked the caller.

I was not certain how to answer him, since I was exhausted and wondering the same thing myself!

My doctor, God bless him, was calling to check up on me.

He had sent me, via email, a referral for a bone scan, and he wanted to be certain I received it.

10:00 pm and he was still working!

Have I mentioned recently that I really appreciate my doctor?

Anyway, now, finally, at 11:30 pm, the house is quiet and I can go to bed.

I am nauseous and itchy, thanks to the chemo. Hopefully, that will pass.

Meanwhile, I am not looking forward to my next chemo day... next Sunday.

As one of the nurses said "days like today make one wonder if the chagim (holidays) are worth it!"



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

On The Flip Side

I missed it!

I wanted to post something meaningful and moving on my one-year cancer-versary.*

If not a major post, then at least a THANK YOU to all my "coffee and chemo" dates!

But.... I forgot!

The day came and went!

Then it was time to get ready for school... then dealing with school... then preparing for the holidays...

Then, without meaning to, I sort of wrote about the cancer-versary as an aside.... (I was writing about Rosh HaShanah, and it just came up.... )

So, though it's a bit late, here is the flip side to my cancer-versary:

I want to thank all my friends who came to hang out with me at chemo this past year!

You guys took what could be a real drag and turned it into fun!

I really looked forward to my coffee-and-chemo-dates!

It was so great to spend time with each and every one of you!!

A few of you came on really crazy, stressful days. We barely had a chance to sit and talk. I truly apologize for that. (most days were not like that, really) Thanks so much for being understanding!!

Some days, I had so much fun, it was..., well..., it was rather strange.

I mean, how could I have such a good time at chemo?

But I had to be there for the chemo!

Why not make it fun?

So, thanks for the company! Thanks for the support! Thanks for the snacks/lunches! Thanks for playing games with me! Thanks for the amazing conversations!

Most of all, thanks for hanging out in the chemo ward, when you could have been anywhere else!

You made this year a good one!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.


With love and optimism,
RivkA

*cancer-versary -- great expression coined by Noa!

Shofar

The call of the Shofar opens the gates of heaven.

It is our heartwrenching cry to the Master of the Universe, to hear our prayers, and have mercy on us.

It is a symbol, to remind God, of the ram that Abraham sacrificed in Isaac's stead. We hope that, even if we are not worthy ourselves, God will remember our forefather, who was ready to sacrifice his son.

We stand, humbled, wailing to God.


The first day of Rosh HaShanah, as the first sounds were heard from the Shofar, I felt the gate of heaven open, and knew that God was listening directly to me. Silently, I prayed to God. I want to live. Please, let me be written, for another year, in the book of life.

As I stood there, with my eyes closed, praying to God, tears suddenly burst from my eyes. Embarrassed, I quickly lifted my open machzor (prayer book), and covered my face. The sound of the Shofar continued to carry my desperate plea. With every t'kiyah (call), more tears fell, as, silently, I begged God, please, let me live.

Emersed in my private dialogue with God, I heard a voice calling me back. Standing next to me, my worried little daughter whispered ever so quietly and sweetly, "Ima, why are you crying?"

I put my finger to my lips, indicating that she should be quiet.

I could not answer.

We do not talk during t'kiyat haShofar (blowing the Shofar).

But that is not the only reason I did not answer.

I was overwhelmed by the power of prayer. I could not do anything, but plead with God, while those gates were still open.

There are several sets of t'kiyot during davening. During each set, I focussed on different prayers: I prayed, by name, for shidduchim. I prayed, by name, for good health (mostly for other cancer patients, but also for others). I prayed for our country. I prayed for my family. I prayed for help, in cleaning my home, and being a better parent/wife. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.

I did not cry every time, though I cried a lot.

But I prayed stronger than I have ever prayed before.

And I cannot stop the tears, even now, as I write these words, and wonder if it is too personal to share...



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Rosh HaShanah 5769

Background: I though I was going to have chemo on Sunday, so I made sure to set us up for meals on Rosh HaShanah. In the end, chemo was postponed one week, but we still were invited out for all the meals. We had such a wonderful time!


First Night:

Arrived at shul (synagogue) late. Missed davening (prayers), but got to socialize!

Dinner at O & Y G's. Great conversation!!

TG, their eldest daughter, was studying for her 12th grade bagruyot (national exams) in safrut (literature). She kept "testing" the other kids about words (which none of them knew!). For hours, the kids sat around learning new words and laughing! It was SO COOL!!

Sometimes we also participated in the guessing game, but mostly we sat around discussing politics. O & Y are so interesting!! They live part time in Homat Shmuel, and part time in Ma'aleh Rehav'am.*

Their son, who is in 10th grade, is also studying for his bagruyot. One of his exams this year will be in civics. But O & Y object to the curriculum that the state teaches. I am curious to know more about it. I am particularly interested in the way democracy is taught. What does the State say is the relationship between the government and its citizens. (i.e. who is meant to serve whom?)

More on this another time (hopefully).....


First Day:

Shul began at 7:15. I arrived at 9:15. Perfect.

The kids and I davened Shacharit (said our morning prayers). Then, we joined the shul for kiddush (blessing over wine, sanctifying the day), followed by some pastries and snacks, and saying "hi" to everyone! It was fun. Then, at 10:15, we went back into shul for t'kiyat shofar and musaf (additional prayers). I enjoyed the davening, which ended around 12:30. There was a lot of singing.

We went to Y & A C for lunch. Y is in Ezra (youth group) with their eldest daughter, D. Conversation was much lighter than the night before, but no less interesting. Lunch was a lot of fun, and we talked for a long time, before benching (reciting Grace after the meal). The kids took a break in between, to play cards, and basketball. When Moshe and I left, our kids were still there, throwing hoops.

Moshe went home to rest, but I stopped by my friend IA, who lives in the same building as the C's. We hung out for a while, then we popped over at RD. I wanted to introduce IA to RD, and that seemed like as good a time as any!


Second Night:

Almost as soon as I arrived, I left to go to shul, to daven ma'ariv (evening prayers). On the way, I deliberated going home, to make sure that my family was on awake and coming to shul. If I went home first, I would be late to shul. I decided that my family would be okay without me and that I wanted to be on time to shul.

As I was about to walk in, I realized that one of my earings had fallen off. I rarely wear earings, but I was wearing my one and only really nice pair, in honor of the holiday. It was already dark, and I realized that the chances were slim that I would find the earing. I quickly retraced my steps, silently praying to God to help me find the lost earing. All sorts of scenarios flashed through my mind (eg. when I hugged my friend good bye, me earing might have gotten caught in her scarf. Then, as she walked in the opposite way to her shul, it could have fallen off anywhere...). I was almost all the way back to RD's home, when I glimpsed something out of the corner of my eye. I backtracked, bent down, and.... there it was! I couldn't see it, but I feel it! I stood up, and thanked God. Then, I practically raced back to shul! When I arrived, they still had not started! I walked in. There were almost no women there. Just the Rabbi's wife and daughter, another handful of young teenagers, including Moshe's cousins, and me. I glanced into the men's section, and did not see my husband. I tried to relax. I would trust that Moshe and the kids would be there.

A few seconds later, davening began. Our neighbor led davening nicely. During the amida (silent prayer), my daughters came in. I was so happy to see them! They quickly joined in the prayers. I felt happy, and at peace. I love davening with my kids. I feel surrounded by all that is important to me. (it sounds goofy, but it is so true)

We had dinner with J & Tz B. It felt like eating with family! Our kids are totally comfortable in their home. MD and E, their second son, have known each other since gan (kindergarten). A loves playing the "older sister" to LT. And, when she got tired of the adult conversation, Y just hung out on the couch, reading one of their books. We "grownups" talked for hours. It was just so nice!

They live really close to us, so the walk home was easy, despite the late hour.


Second Day:

I arrived a bit later the second day. But davening was more or less the same. There was more singing, which I liked, and good ruach (spirit).

For lunch, we walked down to C & D V, in Shlav Bet (the second stage of building), which is down in the valley, and a bit of a walk, all downhill. They just moved into the neighborhood, but I know CV (one of three CVs I know!) for years! (I know her since before I was married, but we became good friends when my eldest daughter was little) I could hang out and talk with her all day long... and I did! We played a fun, new game "Apples to Apples," which is meant to be a kid's game, but is so much fun when played with adults or older kids! We played one game with the four adults, and two more with CV, the older kids (two of her triplets and Y), and I. We all had a lot of fun!

Before we knew it, the holiday was over. Moshe and Y both left with borrowed books, and CV was kind enough to drove us back home (up the mountain).

Once we walked in the door, it was back to business!

As strange as it felt to be returning to the "real" world, we could not forget that it was a school night!

Thanks to A, everyone got ready really fast, and we sat down to watch Battlestar Galactica (which we hadn't watched in months).

Then, without further ado, we all went to bed....

It was a full, and festive, holiday!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA


* Ma'aleh Rechav'am, named after Rechav'am ("Gandhi") Ze'evi, was founded on three principles: Jewish Labor (our friends built everything themselves, including the back-breaking work of moving stones for their large, and beautifully, cultivated garden), No Fence around the Yishuv (artificial border, placing the community in a cage), and Co-Existance between religious and secular Jews (we are all part of one nation and need to live together as part of a unified community).