Crazy Night, Crazier Day

When I volunteered to coordinate registration for our Barnard alumnae event (last night), I did not realize it was scheduled for the same evening as my close friend's son's Bar Mitzvah celebration.  By the time I realized the scheduling conflict, I had already taken on the responsibility for coordinating the whole event, including the hall, the caterer, etc.  I love coordinating these events, even though it is a lot of work.  I am a people person, and events like this are invigorating for me.

Thankfully, I had made it to the Bar Mitzvah celebration on Shavuot, which was really the main celebration.  Still, I did not want to miss the evening celebration, especially the speaches by the Bar Mitzvah boy and his family (that's my favorite part!). 

The alumnae event was scheduled to end an hour after the Bar Mitzvah celebrations were scheduled to begin.  If the timing worked out, I imagined I could arrive at the Bar Mitzvah celebration not long after it began. Who was I kidding?

Of course, our event ran a bit longer than expected!  And I am slow getting everything packed up!!  I arrived at the Bar Mitzvah celebration almost two hours late!  I was worried that I missed all the important parts. 

I walked in, just as the second speach began.  I actually made it on time!! (almost!)

I just missed the first speach by the Abba.  To my good fortune, he posted his speach on his blog.  Reading it is not quite as good as hearing it in person, but it is a close second.

I had such a good time at both events!  It was after 11:00 pm, when I crashed.  It was the very end of the Bar Mitzvah, and I was sitting with my friend and several other close friends, when a wave of exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks.  I had to go home and lie down, NOW!

Within seconds of arriving home, I was in bed, fast asleep.

Everyone was tired this morning.  We all slept late.

My youngest was hours late to school  My middle child decided to take the day off (I did not really approve, but his teacher gave his permission, so I let it go).  And my eldest did not have school so that she could prepare for the math bagrut (national exam) tomorrow.

I will never get used to the Israeli system.

I spent several hours this morning talking with my son, and helping him plan out his morning, so it would be productive.  He decided to learn several chapters of Navi (Prophets), since that was one of the classes he would be missing today.  Of course, he also spent half an hour playing on the computer....

Meanwhile, I went to the hospital for my "pre-op" stuff -- registering for the radiosurgery and a quick MRI.

Again, who was I kidding???

The hospital registration was a beaurocratic nightmare, and the MRI was backed up by over an hour!

Thank God, my friend who accompanied me today, NHC, was really helpful!  Especially when the doctor did not get the needle in the vein on her first attempt, and I was really scared and uptight when she tried again. 

Between the registration, the delay, the needles, and everything else, I was pretty stressed out!

Did I mention that I did not cancel my swimming classes????

As soon as I finished the test, we ran out of there.  I did not even wait to get the CD.  (I will pick it up on Wednesday)

My friend took me straight home, so I could pick up my son and my car.  My son waited outside, with the keys to my car; so, as soon as I got home, we drove off to the pool!

I teach the best kids!  And their parents, God bless them, are so flexible and understanding.  I arrived 20 minutes late for my first class.  (Classes are only half an hour long!)

I ended up combining my first and second classes, and just made the lesson longer.  My son also assisted me in teaching that class.  I could write a whole post about how wonderful it was to work together with my son!

Then I taught my advanced swimmers class, and my son joined that class.  It has been a while since he has been in class and he worked really hard.  I was so proud of him.  And so pleased to see that his form was still good!!

I love my advanced swimmers class.  There are two or three different levels in that class and it is so challenging, but so great.  I really get to push the kids to achieve more than they think they can do.  Every once in a while, I have a lesson where I see that each kid has really made progress.  Today was like that!

I was in such a great mood when I finished teaching.  And I was so excited to have spent such quality time with my son.  In theory, as soon as I got home, I could have gone straight to bed....

In theory..... but not in real life.

Believe it or not, my day did not end there.  (Yes, I am a crazy woman!)

Tonight, Moshe and I attended the first workshop, in a series of 8, based on the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk."  The series is sponsored, and hosted, by Zichron Menachem, so the workshop relates to the impact of having a family member with cancer.  The other families all have kids who have or had cancer.  We are the only family in the workshop with a parent who has cancer.

After the workshop, we had to stop by the drugstore.

By the time we got home, it was close to midnight.

It has been a long, emotionally draining, day!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shavuot 2010 -- The Way it Was....

On Erev Shavuot, our host walked in the door with a list of the shiurim (study sessions) that were being offered by his shul (synagogue):  a series of lectures about the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Dead Sea Sects, from the Second Temple period.

Earlier that day, Moshe told me he did not plan on staying up all night learning this year.  I planned to study all night at Pardes, like I did last year. 

As soon as I heard the topic, I knew Moshe would want to go that shul and learn there all night!  This stuff is like candy for him, like someone opened the door to the candy shop and said, "go in and take whatever you want."  I also knew he would want me to go with him (if you could have as much candy as you wanted, wouldn't you want to share it?).  Of course, I joined him.

The topic of the third shiur interested me the most, but by that time, the hour and the Hebrew were starting to get to me.  I finally succumbed and left the room to sleep for "a few minutes."  I returned... an hour later, just as the fourth, and final, shiur was ending. 

I was so tired. 

I began to wonder if it really made sense for me to walk to the Old City.

I was not even going to daven (pray) there, because I would be davening later, at the Bar Mitzvah of my friend's son. Moreover, I worried that even if I did manage to walk to and from the Old City, I would crash when I got back, and be compelled to sleep.  I did not want to miss the Bar Mitzvah.

I also did not want to disappoint my kids. 

My eldest had already announced that she planned on learning with her friends and walking with them, so I did not have to worry about her.  But I did promise my other two kids....

God had already arranged a solution....

Our host planned to walk to the Kotel with his sons; he was happy to take our son with him and our son was happy to join him. My youngest preferred to sleep in this year.  So I was "off the hook."

I chose to use my brain instead of my feet this year.

For the first time, since I moved to Israel, I did not walk to the Kotel on Shavuot morning. Instead, I decided to sleep for a few hours, so that I would be awake and alert at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. 

Please God, I will walk to the Old City again, next year.

This year, I needed to be with my friend and celebrate with her.  I know she appreciated it!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Puttin on Tefillin for the First Time (Coming of Age)

Hannah's recent post, at A Mother in Israel, reminded me that I never posted about the first time my son put on tefillin.

Traditionally, boys start putting on tefillin a month before they are Bar Mitzvah. This gives the boy a chance to learn what to do, so that he is comfortable with the procedure by the time he is actually obligated to put on tefillin (when he turns 13). Once the boy starts putting on tefillin, he should not miss even one day.

A month before our son's Bar Mitzvah, right after school ended, he was going on a three day tiyul (hike). We all agreed that it did not make sense for him to start putting on tefillin just a few days before he was going away for three days. So we waited until he came back from the tiyul.

We had not planned on doing anything special. We felt that just the act of putting on the tefillin for the first time was monumental enough. But our son asked to put on his tefillin for the first time at the Kotel (Western Wall).

Interestingly, he noted that going to the Kotel is not as special to him as it might be for other kids, since he went to the Kotel a lot with his school, in the Rova (Jewish Quarter of the Old City). I recognized that, and added that it is not the same as going up to Har HaBayit
(the Temple Mount). His eyes lit up. Wouldn't that be something, we both thought outloud.

*sigh*

So, Moshe planned to take our son to the Kotel on Sunday morning, right after the tiyul. It was not until later that we remembered that Sunday was the first day of his kaytana (two-week summer camp) where he would learn to program in FLASH.

So, even though Moshe is not a morning person, he planned to take our son early in the morning, so our son would not be late on the first day.

Closer to the date, we learned that the kids were expected to arrive half an hour early "just" on the first day, for orientation. Moshe could not fathom how he could take our son to the Kotel any earlier, and we called the school to find out just how necessary it was to arrive so early. It was not that necessary, so we gave it a pass.

That Shabbat, Moshe's parents came to us. I had already started radiation and my mother in law brought all the food with her. We planned for my in laws to stay over on Saturday night as well, so my father in law could be there for when our son put on tefillin for the first time. Over the course of Shabbat, both our daughters and my mother in law expressed their interest in being there as well. If everyone else was going, then I wasn't going to be left out!

So, from what started out as a father-son event, became a three generation family event.

We all got up bright and early and went to the Kotel.

Moshe had gone over the basics with our son, so he was not at a complete loss about what to do. Even so, Moshe walked our son through each step.

For a change, I had remembered to charge the video camera and asked my mother in law to bring her camera (since ours was broken). I took lots of pictures.

We were lucky, and just after we arrived, Rabbi Danny Landes, Director and Rosh Yeshiva of Machon Pardes, arrived with a minyan and we davened together. (Every year, for almost ten years now, I attend Rabbi Landes's 3:00 am shiur on Shavuot night. I ask a lot of questions, so he knows who I am.) It was a special "bonus" to have a minyan led by someone we know. And davening (praying) was really nice.

I could tell that our son was proud to be putting on tefillin, and happy that we had all made the effort to make it something special.

As we were about to go, I realized we did not have a picture of us all together. I stopped a tourist, who was all too happy to take our picture.

We stood together and smiled. We could not have been happier.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Bar Mitzvah Shabbat -- and all my angels

I had thought that I would do my son's Bar Mitzvah basically the way I did my daughter's.

How different could it be?

Well, besides the whole Tefillin thing (which is a subject for a different post), I am not the same as I was three years ago.

For my daughter's Bat Mitzvah, I cooked all the food for the Bat Mitzvah Shabbat in advance. My daughter read torah in our very special women's tefillah group. For the kiddush, friends helped bake and prepare fruit and vegetable platters and I also bought a bunch of stuff (like chumus, crackers and junk food for kids).

Everything was very simple, and very good.

Friday night dinner we ate dinner with immediate family only (and our friends, who were hosting us for that Shabbat). For tefillot and kiddush, we invited EVEYONE we knew in the Baka/Katamon/Talpiot/Rechavia area -- we figured מי שבא, ברוך הבא ("Whoever comes is welcome!"). For Shabbat lunch, we rearranged the kiddush tables and set up for lunch in the same space -- for this meal we included guests who had come to Jerusalem for our simcha and friends who had walked from far away.

It was a lot of work, but manageable.

Cleaning up the kiddush room on Saturday night was the hardest part and one of my very good friends came to help us with that.

This time around, my family encouraged (read: pressured) me to order Shabbat food. I resisted -- most ready-made food is high in oil and salt. I wanted to prepare the food myself, but I had a back-up plan: two months before the Bar Mitzvah, a friend offered to organize meals for us, and she kept repeating the offer every few days .

I thought I could manage to cook the food myself... until I found out about the brain mets and radiation. When I discovered how tired the radiation made me, all illusions about preparing food myself dissipated....

The next time my friend offered to arrange meals for us, I did not put her off. Instead, I took a deep breath and said "Thank you, that would be very helpful!"

I do not know why it is so difficult to just accept help. Even after all this time, it is!

This friend, one of the many angels God has sent me, took responsiblity for organizing EVERY aspect of the meals. The food was both delicious and healthful!! What a bracha (blessing)!!!

As Shabbat approached, I realized I would need more help. I spoke with several friends who were happy to help, but I could not find the time or energy to direct them.

Then, God sent me another angel. A week before Shabbat, another friend offered to take responsibility for the entire kiddush, including making calls and seeing what needed to be done (we have a large community, and I had no idea where to start). Before starting, she just wanted to make sure that I did not feel the need to do it myself.

By that point, I realized that I could not do it myself and gladly gave the task over to her. What a weight lifted off my shoulders! I passed her my list of people who had offered to help (bake, prepare platters, etc.). Then, every time another friend offered to help, I asked her to bake and directed her to my coordinator.

I do not think my coordinator realized how many friends, thank God, were baking/preparing food, because the kiddush was enormous!!

I did not even get a chance to see what there was! I spent the kiddush talking with friends and just basking in the joy of having heard my son read Torah and Haftorah so beautifully. (for more about our son's Aliyah LaTorah (Torah reading) see here)

Only at the very end did I see the beautiful cake my downstairs neighbor baked, with a set of tefillin on it!

At one point, a neighbor handed me a piece of kugel Yerushalmi, but I only managed to eat a few bites. I barely tasted anything, but that was ok.

Someone did make a Napolian pastry (I LOVE custard) and I did get a piece of that! Yumm!!

I took the opportunity to address the community, to thank everyone, both from within the community and from without, especially those who hiked in from Talpiot, Baka, Katamon, and even Rehavia!

The Bar Mitzvah Shabbat was particularly HOT, even early in the morning! I felt so blessed to have friends who trekked so far just to hear our son read and to be a part of our simcha!! I really felt embraced by friends and community.

This time, it was too much for me to try and organize a meal with all our guests, so friends ate with other friends in the community.

Our immediate family ate both meals at our home, where I was most comfortable. We were 14 people: Moshe's parents, my parents, my sister, my brother, his wife and their two kids (ages 5 and 2) and, of course, our family of five. (we have five people in our family, 1-2-3-4-5!)

My sister in law, who almost NEVER goes away for Shabbat, also came in for Shabbat with her family (they have seven kids). They took full advantage of being in the neighborhood. They ate the first Shabbat meals with close friends, from their (destroyed) community in Gush Katif, and the second with cousins, who live a few houses away from us. They did join us for seudah shlishit (the 3rd Shabbat meal), but that is a less formal meal, and we were able to all squeeze in (the kids all leave the table within a few minutes anyway).


Thanks to all my angels, I was able to conserve my energy and focus on the important things:
* Getting to shul on time (I even made it to Kabbalat Shabbat)
* Hearing my son read Torah and Haftorah
and
* Spending time with family

I had a wonderful Shabbat!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Surrealistic

I wanted to post an upbeat post today. (especially since I have posted several "heavier" posts lately)

I knew that today was going to be a good day!

I planned to spend the morning and afternoon with my brother, his lovely wife, and their two ADORABLE little boys. This was going to be my day with them.

I planned to take them to Migdal David (The Tower of David Museum), where I have been a guide (on and off) for almost 20 years! (19, to be exact) It is my FAVORITE museum in Jerusalem, and I love guiding there. So it is especially great to share the museum with my family!

And then tonight Moshe and I planned to go out to dinner to celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary.

What could be bad?

Well, I did both of those things! And they were each wonderful, in their own way.

But in the middle, my world collapsed a little.

We had already spent over 4 hours at Migdal David when Moshe called. (I thought we would spend about 3 hours there but everything takes longer with small kids! We were all exhausted by the end of the day, but it was worth it!)

Moshe had just learned that our friend's daughter, who recently celebrated her Bat Mitzvah (around March), died today from cancer. He knew that I would want to know.

It is difficult for me even to write these words.

When I first started blogging, I was surprised to find that one of my regular readers was a woman with whom Moshe had worked in the past. As the mother of a child with cancer, she drew strength and support from my blog. I was amazed, and honored, to be able to provide that for her. I could not imagine the challenges of raising a child with cancer.

Over time, we emailed, we talked, we got to know each other.

I last saw her with her daughter at Zichron Menachem's Purim celebration. Her daughter looked great! (besides having no hair) She was full of energy, as usual, and having a great time! She looked so young and strong!

All the doctors emphasize that, today, people can live for years with cancer. Surely, I believed, my friend's daughter would be okay!

About a year and a half ago, I met my friend at the Bar Mitzvah of the son of a mutual friend. My friend admitted that she was afraid to begin planning her daughter's Bat Mitzvah so far in advance. Who knew what might be.

I had a brief glimpse into the horrible fear that a mother feels when her child has cancer.

When I posted Choose Life (last May), I received the following letter from my friend:

Hi RivkA

I read your posts every day, and today’s has really stunned me.

In Tamar’s Bat-Mitzva, 3 months ago, I talked about just the same thing. I gave my personal interpretation to “Uvacharta Bachaim” – sometimes you cannot choose whether you’ll live or die, but you can choose to live the life you are given.

She sent me the text of her drasha (speech) and I read it all (in Hebrew!). It was so moving, and so full of life!

And now, here I was, in the middle of giving a tour to my brother and his family, and I did not know how to deal with this loss.

I took a few minutes to try and regain my composure and figure out what I should do. I knew that I would not have another opportunity to spend time alone with my brother and his family.

I decided that I needed to finish giving my family their tour. I did not want to cut it short.

If I finished in time, I would try to attend the funeral. If not, I would simply go to the shiv'a (mourning house).

I forced myself to focus on the moment, and to be with my family 100 percent.

I did not rush myself or my family. It took us at least another hour before we left the museum.

I realized that I was not going to make it to the funeral.

(To be honest, I was a bit relieved. I am not at all certain that it would have been good for me to attend the funeral, even though I really wanted to go.)

When we got home, I helped my brother and sister in law to find some information they needed, then I went to get ready to go out for our anniversary.

Moshe and I had a lovely dinner together. Afterwards, we went to the hotel where we got married (we have been doing this every year since we got married).

We spent an hour, or so, just hanging out in the area where we had our wedding, talking about all sorts of things.

It was very special.

Among other things, we spoke about our friend and her daughter. How could we not?



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Things to Remember (Pictures)

At the end of the day, pictures are what we look at to remember our simchas (celebrations) and family events.

At my daughter's Bat Mitzvah, we forgot to take family photos. At the very end, we rushed to get in a few pictures before our "photographer" had to leave.

A friend of ours took pictures for us, but it is challenging to be both a guest and a photographer.

This time around, we asked two friends to take pictures and we asked them both to arrive!

I had meant to ask even more friends to just bring cameras and take pictures, but I forgot. Lucky for us, another two friends came with their cameras anyway, including one friend who had a pretty serious camera and seemed pretty serious about taking pictures!!

I have not seen any pictures yet, but I have already added a few more things to my list, to (hopefully) remember next time....


Things to Remember:

1. Arrive at least an HOUR early for pictures. We planned to arrive a half hour early. We arrived 15 minutes early. The caterer was there to great us; he introduced us to the staff and went over some final details. Guests were already arriving as we rushed to take pictures.

2. Make sure ALL family members know they are supposed to be there at that time!! Certain family members, who shall remain nameless, asked Moshe "What time will things really start?" Moshe answered their question directly -- he told them the time we expected most guests to arrive and would be serving the food (about a half hour after the time on the invitation). Said family members were really asking "What time should we be there?" (We only figured that out afterwards) So, these family members planned to arrive at that time, half an hour late! Then they got stuck in traffic and arrived even later! So much for pictures!

3. Ask a friend or two to come early, to help with pictures (i.e. to run after people and gather them for pictures). Since we are the ba'alei hasimcha (family celebrating), we are in almost every picture. It would save a lot of energy if someone OTHER than me would be running around telling family members (and friends) when to gather and come for pictures. This is definitely something I could delegate!!

4. Take "group" photos!! (and use the microphone to gather the relevant people) A friend from college "popped in" to our simcha (celebration) (she could not stay because they had a wedding the same night). I realized that I have TONS of friends who went to the same college as I (though not at the same time). I quickly gathered (almost) all of my friends who attended Barnard for a photo. (I did miss at least one friend -- that's what photo shop is for!) I am so happy to have a photo like that!!

In addition to more family photos, I would have liked group photos of (in no particular order):
1. "frisbeechevra" friends
2. "blogger" friends
3. college friends
4. "Tnuat AM" friends
5. the "lost boys" (i.e. my son's friends)

You get the idea!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Shepping Nachas

Shepping nachas is a Yiddish expression; literally it means "scooping up satisfaction/pleasure"

What is really means is harder to express.

I googled 'shepping nachas' and came up with this definition, penned by Treppenwitz: 'shepping nachas' can be roughly translated as a combination of deriving great pleasure from something and being extremely proud of someone... for example; when a friend or loved one does something exemplary.

That about sums it up for me.

I am so proud of my son. He delivered a complex drasha and, once again, he spoke clearly and with confidence.

Even when the microphone made all sorts of annoying noises, my son kept his composure and did not lose his train of thought.

At one point in the drasha, he realized that he skipped something earlier on and he seemlessly inserted the relevant information so that he could make his next point.

He had full command of his subject matter and he presented it well.

I could not be any prouder.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Bar Mitzvah -- Aliyah LaTorah

My son, God bless him, sometimes slurs his words, talkingnonstopwithoutdifferentiatingbetweenwords.

Sometimes he also speaks quietly.

It can be difficult to understand him.

He is aware of this problem and he works hard to speak clearly.

I wondered (read: worried) if he would be able to enunciate clearly when he read Torah.

It was difficult for me to accept that, once again, my heath situation prevented me from teaching my son on my own.

That said, I admit that I felt relieved that someone else would have the challenge (read: responsibility) of getting him to read loudly and clearly.

It took us a while to find the right teacher to teach him how to read Torah, but we did.

Our neighbor, DS, is a bit older (probably around the same age as my parents) -- he is exacting in his teaching (something that is important to me) and strict (my son was intimidated just the right measure -- enough to go to almost all his lessons and to practice seriously with his teacher).

Periodically we heard my son read a bit here and there.

When he practiced, he read pretty well. But I wondered, would he be the kind of kid who, when it came time to read in shul, would be overwhelmed and read quickly and quietly? Or would he be the kind of kid who would rise to the occasion, and read even stronger.

My son was definitely the latter!!

I heard EVERY WORD, loudly and distinctly.

I could not have been prouder!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Letting Go

(written last week -- forgot to post....)
----------------------------------------------------

My “plan” had been to “get through” all the end-of-the-year stuff and then focus on the bar mitzvah.

Of course, discovering brain mets less than a week before school ended stuck a real wrench into that plan!

I started radiation the first day of summer vacation!!

The almost immediate exhaustion hit me by surprise. I kept telling myself, I’ll start working on the bar mitzvah tomorrow…. hopefully I’ll be less tired then….

Yeah, right.

So, here we are, time is running out, and nothing is moving.

Those of you who do not know me personally might have figured out by now that I am definitely a “Type A” personality (those of you, who do know me, figured this out a long time ago). Among other characteristics, I’m a control freak.

Now, knowing that you have to let go of some of that control and actually letting go are two completely different ballgames!

So many wonderful people offered to help me, but I was too tired to even get them organized!! I did not know what to do with all those general offers to help. (Though I did think to ask people to bake for the Kiddush -- at least my brain has not retired completely!)

Thanks to a session with my OT, I made a list of things-to-do and figured out what I could give over to someone else.

I gave over so much already, and I’m still giving over more!

I am grateful for all the help offered by friends, family and acquaintances.

My sister-in-law (SIL) called almost every day, begging for more things to do! She made a MILLION calls to halls, caterers, family, friends, etc. (Did I mention that she has seven small kids of her own?!?)

My sister, SIL, and mother-and-father-in-law (MIL & FIL) all took various kids shopping for clothes for the simcha – not an easy task and one that I DREADED!!

Oh yeah, and did I mention that my in-laws, when they heard about my diagnosis, three days before they were going to fly to America, CANCELLED their trip so they could be here to help us!!

I am truly blessed.

Meanwhile, my son knows his parsha and his haftorah, and that is really all that matters!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The Bar Mitzvah is Coming -- ready or not!!

My “plan” had been to “get through” all the end-of-the-year stuff and then focus on my son's bar mitzvah.

Of course, discovering brain mets less than a week before school ended stuck a real wrench into that plan!

I started radiation the first day of summer vacation!!

The almost immediate exhaustion hit me by surprise. I kept telling myself, I’ll start working on the bar mitzvah tomorrow…. hopefully I’ll be less tired then….

Yeah, right.

So, here we are and time is running out. After weeks of nothing moving, everything is moving forward, full speed ahead!

I am too tired to keep up!!

Those of you who do not know me personally might have figured out by now that I am definitely a “Type A” personality (those of you, who do know me, figured this out a long time ago). Among other characteristics, I’m a control freak.

Now, knowing that you have to let go of some of that control and actually letting go are two completely different ballgames!

So many wonderful people offered to help me, but I was too tired to even get them organized!! I did not know what to do with all those general offers to help. (Though I did think to ask people to bake for the Kiddush -- at least my brain has not retired completely!)

Thanks to a session with my OT, I made a list of things-to-do and figured out what I could give over to someone else.

I gave over so much already, and I’m still giving over more!

I am grateful for all the help offered by friends, family and acquaintances.

My sister-in-law (SIL) called almost every day, begging for more things to do! She made a MILLION calls to halls, caterers, family, friends, etc. (Did I mention that she has seven small kids of her own?!?)

My sister, SIL, and mother-and-father-in-law (MIL & FIL) all took various kids shopping for clothes for the simcha (celebration) – not an easy task and one that I DREADED!!

Oh yeah, and did I mention that my in-laws, when they first learned of my diagnosis, three days before they were going to fly to America, CANCELLED their trip so they could be here to help us!!

I am truly blessed.

Meanwhile, my son knows his parsha (Torah reading) and his haftorah, and that is really all that matters!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Support Group & Simchas

It is hard for me to choose.... So I try to do everything!!

I am always trying to "dance at two weddings" -- thought they are not always weddings!

Monday night, I had my support group meeting at 6:00, in Bayit Vegan (not far from Sha'are Zedek) and a Bar Mitzvah at 7:00, at Shulchan David, on Mount Zion, next to the Old City.

I missed the last meeting of my support group, because of my terrible ear infection (which still hurts, but is improving.... SLOWLY). So, I really did not want to miss it again.

Even though I was running late (surprise), I arrived with the intention of leaving after an hour.

The group was small, but good: L, MC, E, Y, C and Me.

The topic of this meeting was “control.”

Both L and C had gotten some bad news that day, so we also dealt with some of the more difficult aspects of not being in control of our lives.

L and her husband were about to go on a 10 day vacation together. That morning, her doctor told her to cancel her vacation because she needs a small surgery, due to a new problem in her kidneys.

C also just found out that morning that her chemo isn’t working and the cancer is growing, significantly.

Apparently, chemo has not been effective recently for both L & E, and they are also anxiously awaiting news about what treatment to start next.

Y seems to be in constant pain as well.

The meeting was a bit hard, content wise, but it was also important, content wise.

I have a hard time coping with my illness, and especially with the lack of control over my life.

I am, B”H (Thank God), still in the beginning of my battle. My drugs seem to be working. My cancer seems to be stable. We have had a few scares, but, hopefully, the drugs I’m taking will work for several years, and I can stave off the anguish for now.

The rollercoaster is hard. The lack of control is really hard.

The fact that things probably will not get easier with time, is also hard.

Both E and MC emphasized their belief that we need to focus on living in the moment and enjoying all the brachot (blessings) that we have now.

I think it’s important to allow ourselves the space to be depressed. My approach is to limit my depression to a day or two (though sometimes it sneaks past the deadline), then to gather up my strength and focus on the positive. What else can we do?

I do think it is important to give ourselves the permission to cry and feel sad. Because, let’s face it, cancer is hard! (and scary)

The women in my group are really strong. They are all determined to enjoy life and make the best of a difficult situation. Nonetheless, it is good to have a place where we do not need to be strong all the time.

I did not want to leave the discussion in the middle. So, I stayed almost until the end. Then I rushed off to the Bar Mitzvah.

I arrived, anxious and out of breath, hoping that I would not miss the speeches (Yes, I actually really look forward to them!). Imagine my relief when I walked in and realized that everyone was still in the reception! (I even got to eat some of the delicious reception food)

What a fun Bar Mitzvah!! My friend AK, the mother of the Bar Mitzvah, danced so much! After the meal, she grabbed me to come and dance more!!

I love dancing!! Of course, I am limited, and dance a little like an old lady. I can't jump, hop or twist my hips too much. But I do what I can!!

At one point, I realized we were not enough women to create a sustainable circle. So I went from table to table, announcing: "A wants to dance; we need more women; please come!" Within seconds, we reached "critical mass"! We danced with unbridled ruach (spirit)!

I sort of want to justify my boldness by pointing out that I knew most of the people at this simcha. But, let's be honest, even if I had not, I would have done it anway!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Bar/Bat Mitvah Season

Last Thursday.

Yesterday (Monday).

Today (Tuesday).

And this Thursday.

Thank God, there are a LOT of smachot!!

Keyn Yirbu!! (Let there be more!)



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

So Much Fun!!

We went to such a fun party tonight!!

Seven years ago, our friends, G&SA, moved to the US to get the right (special) education for their kids need. It was the right move for them, though their hearts are still in Israel.

So, they decided to celebrate their son's Bar Mitzvah and their daughter's Bat Mitzvah (which fall out on the same year) in Israel, with family and friends.

Tonight was the "fun get together for friends!"

It was a Rock N' Roll Karaoke Party and it was FUN!!

They invited all their chevra (group of friends) and their chevra's kids. The party was at SA's sister's home, and it was so warm and happy! And there were a ton of kids!!

They had FUN food! The main dish was pizza!! (Did I ever tell you that I originally wanted to get married on a mountain top and serve pizza and ice cream?) There were also baked potatoes, with toppings (sour cream, butter, etc) -- yummm! There was salad and cut up vegetables, so we could pretend the food was healthy.....but not too healthy..... There were cupcakes, funky chocolate candies, jelly beans, watermellon, summer fruits and, of course, yummy birthday cake!

We knew everyone there! (though I needed some help identifying everyone's kids -- they grow so fast!) Our kids didn't know everyone, but they each knew some of the kids.

There were several different karaoke programs and the kids had a blast! Not just the kids. The "grown-ups" weren't about to let the kids have all the fun!!

There were all sorts of funky and fun prizes, to encourage the kids to participate. Of course, the "grown-ups" didn't want to miss out on those either. So you had a house full of people, old and young, in leis, and funky heart/star/cool sunglasses, with flower clips and noisemakers, singing all sorts of songs loudly (and not always on key).

I always tell my kids that it is a parent's job to embarrass his/her children. Well, we certainly did a good job tonight!!

On our way home, my kids made some comments about how I behaved at the party. I teased them back, challnging "I bet I had more fun at the party than you did!" But my kids put me in my place. My eldest retorted, with good humore: "You acted wierd; but they all know you are wierd anyway." "Yeah," piped in my second child, "you already knew everyone!" They all agreed: I acted wierd, with my wierd friends.

So then we got into a not-at-all-serious conversation about being yourself, and being different.

Then, wanting to emphasize going against the grain, Y started telling the joke about the woman who calls her husband on his mobile to warn him that there is a crazy person driving the wrong way on the highway. "What are you talking about?" the man asks his wife. -- At that point, Y and I finished the joke together: "there isn't just one crazy person; they are ALL driving the wrong way!"

As we finished the joke, I got the giggles. "It's not that funny," said my husband. (what a stick-in-the-mud!). Truth is, the joke is not that funny. It doesn't matter. When something tickles my funny bone, I can't stop laughing. The kids think it's very funny. Especially Y. It took me several minutes to stop laughing. I did not mind.

Laughing makes me feel great!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA