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Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Little Things

It's the little things that make us "lose it."

I can handle cancer.

But when I go to the municipality and the manager is rude to me, I break down crying in front of a hundred people.

I can handle cancer, because I devote 100% of my resources to handling cancer.

There are no resources left to handle the little things.


My son, he's doing great too. He can handle having a mom with cancer.

But, today, when he needed to get to school by a certain time, and he did not know who would be bringing him, he got really anxious.

This afternoon, he did not want to leave school, because he did not know how he was getting back. (School ended at 12:00 and he had to be back by 3:30)

I took it for granted that I would be taking him.

But I guess I did not convey that clearly to my son.

When he got home, he was really upset that I had not told him what our plans were.

I cannot fault him for being worried. Every two out of three Tuesdays, I am not home when he gets home, because I am at chemo. And, at least one, if not two, of those two Tuesdays, I come home quite late. (after 3:30)

Furthermore, when I do, finally, come home from chemo, I crash. I am tired. I go straight to bed.

So, my son does not take it for granted that I will be available on a Tuesday afternoon and able to take him back to school.

My son is a normal, little kid. But he does not have a "normal" mother.

So, a little thing, like getting to school by 3:3o, is suddenly monumentally important. (Never mind that these school events NEVER start on time)

It is the importance of getting there on time, which catches us off guard, and reminds us how precarious our childrens' security is.

It is the little things, about which we need to be so careful, that keep our children ballanced and their world stable.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


Leora said...

RivkA, even if your kids have a mom who is physically sick, they also have a mom who is loving, tender, and emotionally available. What a precious gift for them.

Gila said...

Timely post.... I have been having a rough time of things recently (work etc) and have been quite down/lethargic/etc. Today I found myself berating myself with a "well, if you cannot handle this, how do you expect to handle BIG problems?"

And then I realized how stupid this was. Because I have dealt with big things. Relatively, the big things are easy. It is the small, everyday stuff that throws you.

RivkA with a capital A said...

Leora -- fooled you! ;-)

I really wish that was true tonight.

I really was all those things (loving, tender, and emotionally available) all day long... until about 7:30, when I had nothing left... (see my next post)

Gila -- yup! and it happened to me, again, today. blah!! (though I managed not to cry in public this time)