Emotional Update: August 2007

So, from phone calls and emails, I learned what I left out of the last email. I thought I covered everything, but apparently I didn't.

So, let's go back a few weeks…..

The toughest part was the first week, when I got the diagnosis. I cried a lot that week.
Then there were the two weeks of anxiety, while awaiting test results.

Once I got all the test results, I felt a lot calmer. And now that I'm know my treatment
program, I feel pretty good.

I go in once a week for treatments. The chemo day is basically a wash up. I spend anywhere from 1-6 hours at the hospital. Then I come home and need to rest. The day after chemo, I'm also pretty tired. After that, every day is better than the last. I'm still tired at night. I can't stay up 'till two in the morning these days. But going to sleep at 10:30, like the rest of the world, isn't so bad. I can live with that. :-}

My mood is pretty good most of the time.
I've started teaching swimming again. That, as you know, makes me feel great! It's good to be doing something that I am good at and that has tangible results. I always say that with parenting it will take at least 20 years to know if I did a decent job; with swimming the progress is quantifiable!

The chemo itself is not so bad. Moshe takes me in and keeps me company while everything gets set up. I have to check in, get the port opened up and get some blood tests. Then we wait around for about an hour, until we get the test results. Then I get the chemo, which can take anywhere from 1/2 an hour to 4 hours, depending on which drugs I am getting, Then I can go home.
Most of the time I'm there, I'm just sitting around. So each time a different friend has met me there. Then I send Moshe off to work and hang out with my friend for the rest of the time! No kids, no phones, no distractions…. Just hanging out! It's like going out for coffee… without the coffee (and the décor is a little lacking) ;-)

Still, it's not a bad morning.

The "bad stuff" doesn't start until later. Actually, the drugs are not so bad. I didn't realize how "not so bad" they are until this week, when I got the chemo for strengthening my bones. That drug made me feel really sick, like I had the flu. I had fever, and all my joints ached, and I couldn't sleep. Yuch! Thank God I only get that drug once a month!

So, I will admit that I do feel quite sorry for myself when I was feeling so sick. And it is certainly frustrating to me to be so tired. But most of the time I am really OK. I plan to live to 120 and have a good time getting there.

Meanwhile, I have to learn to find the balance between what I want to do and what I can do. I never like to miss anything. But I can't do everything. OK.

I can live with that.

With love and optimism,
RivkA