I am still on speaking terms with God. :-)
That's not to say that I'm not having a bit of a crisis. But, so far, no major crisis of faith...
I don't understand why this is happening. But, as I always say, things could be worse. So I am grateful that the cancer was discovered when it was and that I live in a time when there are really good drugs that can keep me alive for a long time.
Still, I wanted to do something more.
I wanted to respond to my situation in a religious way. I already asked everyone I know to pray for me. And I am on a number of Tehillim lists (groups who recite all of Psalms in someone's merit).
But what should I do? What could I take on without it being too much for me at this time?
I didn't want to take on something that I couldn't keep up. So, I decided that I would focus on something that I do already, and try to do it "better". So, I am trying to say brachot (blessings) out loud and with more kavanah (focused intention).
Many years ago, when I was in college, I accompanied a friend to her family's home for Shabbat. After I said a bracha (blessing) quietly, her father asked why I had said the bracha quietly and denied him the ability to answer "amen", which would give him the merit of having participated in the bracha. I didn't have an answer then, and that question has stayed with me for years.
I still feel a little silly, saying the brachot out loud. But I am working on it. :-)
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