A Mother's Worst Nightmare

"It can always be worse" is my motto.

We need to keep life's challenges in perspective.

Recognizing that most situations could be worse helps us to appreciate our situation, even if our situation is not all that great.

Then there are mornings like today, when you hear about something so awful that it really is a mother's worst nightmare.

I was still in bed when my eldest daughter called.

She heard something really awful and did not know how to process her feelings.

The news reported that a 16 year old girl and a 20 year old boy were found, dead, in Nachlaot, apparently from a drug overdose.  The girl is someone my daughter has known since she was a baby.  They were in playgroup and, later, in kindergarten together.  Most of the girls in my daughter's High School were in Elementary School and/or Jr. High School with this girl.  All the mothers know this girl's mother.

My daughter told me: "the first thing I did was verify that the information is true; the next thing I did was to call you."

We spoke for a few minutes.  Then my daughter needed to go to class. 

They are addressing this incident in her school. 

Everyone is in shock.

I tried to find information on the internet.  The news reports do not mention the name of the girl or her family.

Once again I am struck by the irony of the adage "no news is good news." 

This is the second time that I learned details of a tragedy even before all the information was released to the public. 

I am still stunned.

How can I expect my 16 year old to process this nightmare when I am having such a difficult time processing it?



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Pill Box

A few years ago, R, who was overseeing the research study on my bone drug, shared with me this observation:

Pill boxes do not help you remember to take your pills, rather, they show you when you have forgotten to take them!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Medical Update -- Markers & Pain

My apologies for not providing this update sooner.

My markers are down!

Really down.

For months, my markers were on the rise. And they were climbing high! That, combined with a significant and steady increase in pain, was the main indicator that my previous chemo regimen was not working.

Almost as soon as I started on Taxol (in December), my markers started coming down.

About a month ago, they finally reentered the "normal" range.

The most recent tests indicated that they were still in the normal range, and even lower than the previous results.

This is great!

Regarding pain, things are a little less clear cut. At first, the Taxol seemed to have a substantial effect on my pain as well. For a brief period, I stopped taking pain killers regularly. The respite did not last long. Significantly, when I did need pain killers, I still needed to take both Optalgin and Algolysin.

These days, in addition to back and hip pain, I have pain in my lower rib cage, increased sensitivity in both shoulders, and pain in my neck.

Currently, I take pain medication 2-4 times a day. Occasionally, I need to augment the pain meds. Usually, half a Percocet is enough.

I still do not like taking drugs.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Small Joys, Small Frustrations

Last Thursday, for the first time in months, the nurse was able to draw blood from my port! I did not do anything different. I did not even remember to drink anything beforehand. It was so great not to be poked another time!

The previous Thursday was more typical. When the nurse could not draw blood, she sent me with the vial to get blood drawn from my arm. I asked why there was only one vial, as all the other times I had two. She insisted that was all that was written in my chart. What did I know? I trusted her judgement.

At least the doctor who is good at drawing blood was back. Just as he withdrew the needle from my one good vein, the woman who overseas the study I am in asked "where is the other vial?"! The nurse was wrong!! I had to get poked again, this time in my hand. It hurt (not much, but who wants any pain?). I had a bruise on the back of my hand for a week!

The first time I came in for chemo, I was introduced to R, my friend who works at Tel Shilo. She told me that I would get so used to being poked by needles that, eventually, I would not even notice. I did not believe her, having developed a life-long aversion to them! In the end, she was right. It does not really phase me any more.

Still, I do not really want to get stuck any more than absolutely necessarily. I was really annoyed, because I suspected that something was missing and had asked the nurse. I was frustrated by her error, and by my having been intimidated to question her further. It will not happen again.

At least not about this issue....



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

"It Can't Hurt"

When I was first diagnosed, well-meaning friends and acquaintances bombarded me with suggestions to try various alternative treatments. They usually ended their pitch with the line "it can't hurt to try."

NOT TRUE.

When I had the strength, I spelled it out:

I received chemotherapy once a week. I was then tired EVERY night, and most days. I usually had around 7 good hours during the last two days before my next treatment. So, I had to fit a week's worth of activities into fourteen hours! I did not really want to take out 3 hours (minimum) to check out something that might or might not work.

Furthermore, none of these unconventional treatments are covered by insurance. They usually take at least 3-6 months before we can even determine if they are working. So, for every complementary treatment, we are talking about expending significant time, money, and energy -- all limited and valuable resources that I did not have to spare.

Despite my inclination for conventional medicine, I wanted to explore all my options. So, I asked my oncologist about complementary medicine. My doctor summarily dismissed the world of alternative medicine (with the sole exception of acupuncture).

"That is an industry that takes advantage of desperate people," he declared.

"There is no scientific evidence that the treatments work," he explained, disregarding the claim that there is no money to prove these treatements works. There is a lot of money in manufacturing cancer fighting agents. If there existed evidence that a product is effective in fighting cancer, drug companies would fund the research.

Then he elaborated further "If a treatment does influence cancer, then there is no way of knowing whether the influence is positive or negative without proper scientific study (large, double-blind research)."

That is what convinced me more than anything else.

If a treatment really can affect cancer, then we need to know how it affects a particular type of cancer

In a recent study researching the effects of Green Tea, scientist discovered something disturbing. Instead of being a "miracle herb," the tea actually prevented certain chemotherapies from working! (Read the full article here)

The specifics of this particular research are not relevant to me. But the results are significant.

Natural remedies actually can hurt.



(Hat Tip to "After Cancer")

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Recently, our friends, T&UB, told us about Limonit (Lemon Grass Tea), a natural remedy that a friend of theirs said cured her of stage 4 breast cancer. I was curious, so Moshe and I did a bit of research. There is a chemical in Lemon Grass, Melissa, and Verbena that kills cancer cells in vitro. (Read more here) So what? There are many chemicals that kill cancer cells in a test tubes. We need to know how these chemicals interact with cancer cells that are in our bodies.

So, though I like a cup of tea every now and then, I am not about to start drinking 8 cups a day... yet.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Pain in my back

Last night, it was difficult to fall asleep.

Sleep has always been one of my brachot (blessings). I am a deep sleeper. I fall asleep quickly (thanks to chronic exhaustion) and I stay asleep.

Even when my kids were babies, and sleeping right next to me, Moshe had to shake me awake, because their cries (right next to my ears) did not penetrate my slumber.

Even now, if you call me and I am asleep, it is as if the call never happened. I might say anything, but nothing I say is reliable. Most likely, I will not remember the converstation, or even that you called!

But I digress...

Recently, I have had a few nights with severe back pain. The pain has made it difficult to fall asleep.

If this happens more frequently, I will need to take stronger pain killers.

I am distressed at that thought, but that is the way it is.

I'd rather be cheery after a full night's sleep, than a "grumpy-head" because I could not fall asleep.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Drugs

It took a while, but I am finally listening.

My oncologist kept telling me to take drugs. But I did not take them.

It's not that I liked the pain. It's just that I did not want to take pain killers.

I was intimidated by Optalgin. (If it is banned in the US, I did not want to be taking it in Israel)

But the pain was making it difficult to fall asleep.

So I started taking Optalgin at night.

My doctor insisted that I also take at least one a day, to get rid of the pain.

So I took one, and the pain went away.

So I took another one.

Soon, I was taking one or two at a time, up to four times a day.

Once I entered the mindset that I should not be in pain, I no longer wanted to be in any pain.

I needed more Optalgin.

If I take two pills, four times a day, that is: 8 (pills a day) x 7 (days a week) x 4.5 (weeks in a month) -- i.e. 252 pills a month.

I went to the pharmacy with my prescription.

The pharmacist could not believe I wanted 12 boxes (21 pills/box) of Optalgin.

"Do you suffer from migraines?" The pharmacist politely inquired.

I smiled and replied "No, cancer."


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA