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Monday, January 11, 2010

What Got Me Out of My Funk?

I was stuck.... for months. 

I just could not shake off that feeling of gloom and doom.

I had all sorts of good excuses reasons:  brain mets, radiation, exhaustion, Bar Mitzvah preparations, family leaves, summer ends, school starts, chagim, flu for weeks.... 

Whatever the reason, I was in a funk.

And I did not like it.

Then, I read about the Middle East Breast Cancer Conference banning Israelis -- well, that got my blood boiling.  After some research, I posted about how Susan G. Komen for the Cure continued to support the conference. (I still owe you all a follow up post...)  Then, when I cross-posted to my former group blog, I got censored! -- that got my blood boiling even more!  I started researching, writing and FIGHTING for my principals. 

Susan G. Komen for the Cure was purposefully misleading the public, and betraying our trust.  I spent hours researched the facts, so I could expose the truth. 

At the same time, women from my group blog, who I thought were my friends, treated me with such disregard and disrespect!  I was so hurt, and so angry.  At first, I tried to show them what they were doing, but their disdain obscured all logic.  No one rose to my defense.  And, when I left, only a few chose to continue their contact with me.  For almost two years, I had deluded myself into believing that these women cared and supported me.  I was furious about their deception, and my own naiveté.

I was fuming over these two injustices.

I had no time for self-pity, and no patience for anything else.

I was Don Quixote and I had my windmills to fight!

After a week or so, I had to put these issues aside.  I was still burning with righteous indignation, but I did not have time to succumb to my fury.

I was no longer feeling lethargic and apathetic.

I had things to do, and I was back on track!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


Ranting Zelda said...

you were wise to let go of certain issues. you can't change other peoples' minds. the best revenge is to live well!

Staying Afloat said...

I think it's amazing how much determination can be therapeutic. And sometimes it takes correctly placed anger to drive someone. I recognize this in my life as well- the year-long fight to have my autistic son placed in an appropriate school is what got me through dealing with his diagnosis. Because I was doing something about it.

So I get this, and am so glad you had the energy to fight and the knowledge of when to back down.

mikimi said...

you go girl!

Mindy said...

I love your spunk, but I am sorry for the pain that caused it!

RivkA with a capital A said...

Zelda -- That's part of my "avodah atzmit" (working on myself). I am doing my best to "let go" of the things that are not important. It does not come easy to me.

Staying Afloat -- you got it. The fight channeled my dormant energy and brought it back to the surface. I was, thank God, able to let go of the fight and utilize the energy for more positive accomplishments!

Mikimi & Mindy -- thanks!!

Batya said...

The fight is good!
refuah shleimah