My oncologist sat there so calmly while I focused on breathing, and not falling apart.
All these years, I have said to myself (and to others), "thank God, it's not in my brain!"
Now, here I sat, in my own worst nightmare.
"We can treat this," my doctor said, reassuringly.
Only, I did not find any of his words reassuring.
"It's in my brain, my brain, my brain," I repeated, softly.
"It was in your liver, your liver, your liver," responded my oncologist, leaning forward and looking me directly in my eyes.
I met his gaze and challenged him, "but the brain is worse!"
"Wrong!" my oncologist corrected me. "Disease in your liver can run you over like a railroad train."
Whoa, talk about cognitive dissonance.
Mets in the liver is a serious threat. Yet, since the mets in my liver responded to treatment (there are no more tumors visible in my liver), and I never experienced any symptoms, I do not feel scared by it.
Now, even though I do not have any symptoms, and we expect the tumors to respond to treatment, I still feel very scared.
It is not completely rational.
Mets in the brain seems so much scarier.
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,