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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

"...and they told two friends, and so on, and so on..."

I wrote this on Tuesday, June 30th, less than a week after learning that I have brain mets and before I had a chance to tell my eldest, who was away....

Remember that commercial?* The one from the 80's that goes:

"... I told two friends... and they told two friends, and so on, and so on, and so on..."

Well, apparently people have been talking, 'cause today I received a call from a good friend who "just heard some not so good news and wanted to know if it was true...."

I have not discussed what has been going on with almost anybody. We told immediate family, a few close friends, and a few other friends who happened to be in the "right" place at the "right" time. But because my eldest daughter is away, we have not really told people.

We feel that our kids should know before other people.

I certainly do not want any of our kids to ever hear news about me from someone else.

So, tonight, when my daughter called, I had to tell her. Once people start talking, there is no way to know how far the news is spreading, nor how fast.

So, when she called tonight, with minimal time left on her battery, I gave her an update.

It was less than ideal. She is away from home, with a group of girls, most of whom she just met, and she is not coming home for another two days. And I just dumped this big thing on her.

I explained why I told her now and she agreed that I made the right decision. Then I encouraged her to try to put the news in a box, which we will deal with when she gets back. I think (hope) that worked for her.

And I answered her big question, "Is it dangerous?" which she asked THREE times. I told her the same thing the doctor told me: We can treat it and you can live with it for years.

This whole episode reminded me of the chassidic tale A Pillow full of Feathers.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,

*I always thought it was a commercial for MCI, but it turns out that it was for Faberge Organic.


Anonymous said...

Sometimes we spend a lot of time planning when and how to tell someone something, and the opportunity just presents itself, in a different way than intended.

And I totally remember that commercial (and lots of commercials from the 70s).

G6 said...

Funny, I remember that commercial vividly, except I thought it was Clairol Herbal Essence.... lol....

Sending tefillos and happy, healing thoughts,

Daria said...

I'm sure it's a huge relief that the children know ... now focus on you.

Batya said...

I didn't realize that she was still away, since at first you said that you wouldn't blog about it until she knew. It's tough to keep all those secrets under your belt.

You must recognize them to fight them.

By the way, you've been added to our refuah shleimah list of the Tuesday T'hillim we say in Shiloh.

stard0c said...

...I thought that ad was for Agree shampoo... More thoughts and prayers to you all. --EPR

adena said...

I remember that shampoo ad! Thinking of you, as you go through all of this...

Ester said...

I'll tell two friends and you'll tell two friends, and so on and so on and so on....It was Faberge Organic Shampoo. Here is a You Tube of Heather Locklear staring in the commercial.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EtRss-gIac -

RivkA with a capital A said...

tesyaa -- that's how I felt (both with my eldest, and with my younger ones)

G6 & sard0c -- It's great to know I'm not the only one who didn't remember the product, though the two of you at least remembered that it was for shampoo! I still think MCI had a visually similar commercial, with the screen divided into different "boxes" with different people talking on the phone.

Daria -- without a doubt. it was much easier to tell them once I figured out how to do it.

Batya -- all this happened over a week ago (I made a note of that at the top of the blog post) -- In the end, I told her only a few days after I found out myself.

Adena -- Thanks

Ester -- Thanks! I linked to that commercial in the blog post. ;-)

y weinstock said...

Do you remember the other shampoo commercial: something like "it's made of beer... but don't drink it!"
Thinking about you and sending you my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Coming from the daughter's end, you did the right thing. Every time my mom had a new tumor, she had an incredibly rough time figuring out how to tell us. It got the point where she'd just say it flat out. But I know that I would rather be punched in the face and know immediately than find out a few days later and feeling like I wasn't there for her.

RivkA with a capital A said...

Yosef -- don't remember that one

daughter of cancer -- thanks. I appreciate your perspective.