Powered by WebAds

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Beit Natan Winter Retreat 2009 -- Renewal -- Part I

The theme of this year's Beit Natan retreat was "צמיחה מתוך התחדשות" -- Growth From Renewal


At 8:30 in the morning (early for me!), those of us from Jerusalem and the surrounding area gathered at Binyanei HaUma. As soon as I arrived, I joined the tumult. You could not miss our group. Women of every religious orientation were milling about, busy greeting old friends and already making new ones. About half the women were already on the bus, while others were huddled on the sidewalk, too busy catching up to board the bus.

I recognized so many of the women and even more recognized me -- some of whom I then remembered, but others I did not. I was able to explain my lapse in memory with two words: "chemo brain." The women understood, and were not cynical, because most of them knew what I was talking about from first hand experience! What a relief!

Finally, it was time to go. We talked the whole way there, shuffling seats occasionally, so we could talk with everyone . By the time we arrived, we were already coalescing as a group.

When we arrived at Nir Etzion, I was so excited to see MC, from last year's support group, sitting in the lobby! While we were catching up, a long line formed at the registration desk (by a "long line" I mean that 30 women were crowded around the desk trying to register!) No worries. I went to get a cup of coffee and joined several other friend who already arrived from around the country, including Ch, from my support group, and T, with whom I roomed last year.

By the time I finished my coffee, the line had disippated and I quickly registered. Then I dumped my things in my room and rejoined the group in the large hall. The chairs were set up in a large circle, with a bag on every seat containing the schedule, hand creams, chocolates, and a T-shirt (size M!). As the late commers straggled in, I exchanged my T-shirt for an XXL! (cancer has not caused/helped me to lose my appetite!)

After the greetings, the group was split into two smaller groups, each led by one of Beit Natan's oncological social workers. Both groups did the same introductory activity:

Participants were given a small piece of paper on which to draw or write an image or word that represent renewal to them. The individual pictures/papers were posted by themes on a large board, showing both the diversity and commonality of our group.

I drew a picture of a glowing shkediya (almond tree). In Israel, the shkediya is the first tree to bloom. As soon as I showed my picture, before I could even ellaborate on why I chose it, the group burst into song:

Hashkediya porachat, veshemesh paz zorachat
Tziporim merosh kol gag, mevasrot at bo hechag
Tu BiShvat higiyah, hag hailanot

The almond tree is blooming, the golden sun is shining
From the rooftops, the birds are heralding the coming of the holiday
Tu B'Shvat (the 15th of Shvat) has arrived, the holiday (birthday) of the trees!

The almond tree represents renewal -- the coming of spring; new life emerging from the cold, barren winter; the white and pink flowers, reflecting the sunlight, glowing with hope and beauty.

My birthday is exactly a week after Tu B'Shvat. So, for me, the blooming almond tree marks not only another calendar year for the trees, but another calendar year for me as well.

When I drew the tree, I thought it might seem cliché, but only one other person drew an almond tree. Other women drew flowers, buds, leaves, and other trees (i.e. a cypress tree). There were other themes as well: children, grandchildren, smiles, etc. -- so many different images, representing our faith in the future and the sources of our strength

After lunch, we could rest, go for a walk, or participate in a laughter workshop, led by Yehudit Kotler, who I met last year at the retreat, and who hosts free laughter workshops in her home every Rosh Chodesh. I went several times this past year, and even brought my youngest daughter with me once. (if you are interested, email me for details) Of course, I chose to attend the laughter workshop!!

Boy did we laugh!! Two women, T (last year's roommate) and L (who cracked me up at last year's laughter workshop), made me laugh so much! It was the best workshop that I have attended yet! Everyone participated and just laughed and laughed. I felt so great afterwards!!

A word about T -- last year, I requested that they put me in a room with someone who has been living with cancer for a LONG time. They put me with T, who has been living with a brain tumor for 20 years! (ok, last year it was only 19 years!) She has such a positive attitude, she really inspired me! This year, I told her how much it had meant to me.

After the break, we divided into smaller groups for our next session. I chose a session called "living, dreaming." I thought it would be about how to actualize our dreams (i.e. aspirations). I saw this as an opportunity to continue a process that I began during last year's retreat, of learning to believe, and embrace, the future. The facilitator was nice, but I did not relate to the sources she shared with us. I did not get much out of the session, which was disappointing. Though it was still nice meeting other women and hearing what they had to say.

Dinner put me back in a good mood. The food was varied, plentiful, and delicious! Each meal was an opportunity to talk with different women. Each table seated ten women, so there were always both new and familiar faces.
The evening program was FANTASTIC and deserves a post of its own....
Tune in tomorrow.... Same bat time.... Same bat channel....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Beit Natan Winter Retreat 2009

I came home from the retreat physically and emotionally exhausted!

I was away for almost three full days and there was so much I wanted to do when I got home. Instead, I went straight to bed! I spent a few minutes with my daughter, then with my son. I fell asleep in the middle of my son's entertaining description of his drama class (he and a few of his friends made a comic skit was about the yetzer hotov and the yetzer harah [our good and evil inclinations]). His description was very amusing, but I could not keep my eyes open!!

I had a wonderful time at the retreat. Many women were there last year as well (I even remembered several of them!).

It felt like coming home.

Last year, I had to be convinced to attend. This year, I could not wait!

It was so wonderful to be in the company of such a special group of women. And it was an emotional relief to be able to talk completely freely of all things related to cancer.

Though I was still a bit reserved about the fact that I have metastasis, it was helpful to recognize so many faces from my support groups and to know that I was not the only one. By the end of the retreat, I had met several other women who are also on the long-term plan. One woman with mets was only 34!! (she was 29 when she was first dianosed with cancer, and received her second diagnosis only a month after she finished treatment)

The time just flew by!

It seemed as if we just arrived and already it was time to pack up and leave.

I look forward to next year!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Monday, January 26, 2009

Beit Natan Winter Retreat -- I'm on My Way!

It is just for a few days, but it is hard to leave my family....

This year, no one had to convince me to attend.

I had such a wonderful time last year at Beit Natan's Winter Retreat for cancer survivors. (read about it here and here)

I was so apprehensive beforehand. What would it be like? Would it be depressing? Would I be able to relate to the participants? Would there be other women like me?

My worries were unnecessary.

Most of the women were after cancer (i.e. had finished their treatments). So what? We still shared many common experiences.

I also worried about the religious nature of the program. Though I am religious, and I believe in God (most of the time), I am not one of these super religious types who believes that everything that happens is for the best. I don't believe that God did me any favors by giving me cancer.

There were all sorts of women on the retreat and there were plenty of women who with whom I felt I had a common language.

Ultimately, I really appreciated the religious nature of the program, since faith has a lot to do with how I handle my situation. God figures pretty prominently in my life and I trust that God has His reasons for all this, even if I will never understand them.

The retreat was intense, and I formed strong bonds with several of the women.

I can't wait to see them again!

I will be gone for three days (and two nights) -- I'll write when I get back! (b'li neder)



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Friday, January 23, 2009

Chemo Day -- no more short days?

This past Thursday:

Got there before 9:30.

Didn't start treatment until at least 12:30.

Didn't leave until after 4:30.

It was no one's fault.

There is something wrong with my port -- it is supposed to support "two way traffic," but is currently working "one way only."

For several weeks now, the nurses have not been able to draw blood from my port. That means that every time I go for chemo, I get stuck with needles twice -- once to open my port, and a second time on my arm.

In the past, I did not mind so much, because the person who took blood was expert and did not hurt me. But he recently suffered a heart attack and, though he is doing well, he is still on leave. I am always anxious about new people drawing blood from me. I have difficult veins, and often suffer from pain and buising if the person who draws blood is not really good.

The woman who manages data from the bone study research arranged for me to seen by a doctor who, she assured me, was also good at drawing blood. The doctor drew blood (painlessly!) and also injected half a dose of urokinase into my port. Urokinase, a blood thinner to dissolves clots that might be in the port, has to be approved and administered by a physician.

The protocol is to wait at least an hour after the injection before using the port. It also takes about an hour for the results of the blood test to come back. That day's treatments (in this case the Taxol and the Zomera/Denosumab) are only ordered AFTER the blood tests come back okay.

Everything takes time.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

My Kids Are Too Young To Be Applying to Schools!!

My son took his first junior high school entrance exam today.

Yes, you read that correctly. My son is in the middle of sixth grade, and he is taking entrance exams to get into junior high school. No pressure..... (yeah, right....)

Last night, I made sure he had everything he needs: two sharpened pencils, an erasor, and a sharpener. I spoke with him about test-taking. I tried to be casual/matter of fact about it all.

He seemed to be calm, cool, and collected. I was relieved that he was not uptight about the exam (or so I thought).

Later, when the kids were in bed, Moshe came over and asked if I had talked with MD about the test. Something about the way he asked caused me to think twice. Though I answered "yes," I went to MD's room to check up on him.

MD was lying in bed, listening to the radio. He removed his earphones when I came in.

It took me only a few seconds to realize, both from what he said, as well as the expression on his face, that he was really anxious. He noted that he is especially nervous because the exam is for the school he really wants to attend. We spoke for a few minutes about what he can do to stay calm, especially during the exam. Without prompting, he mentioned his ability to calm himself by focusing on slow breathing. I was pleased that he knew what to do to control his emotions.

We spoke for a few more minutes.

I asked if he wanted me to be there when he went in for the test. He said "yes," so I told him I would be there.

Then I reminded him of the importance of getting a good night's sleep. He agreed right away, and turned off the radio.

The I tucked him in (you are never too old for your mom to tuck you in!) and gave him a hug and a kiss good-night (you are never too old for this either).

Smiling, I turned off his light.

In my head, I said a silent prayer.

I wish my son did not have to go through this! I went through this with my daughter, and it is no easier the second time around! My kids are too young for this!!

Where I grew up, no one applied to junior high or high school. I actually did have to apply to my high school, because I wanted to attend Teaneck High's Alternative 1 Program. But there was no pressure. Everyone who applied got in.

My son wants to attend a junior high that is relatively small. There are not enough places for all the kids who want to attend. All the kids are painfully aware that most of them will not be accepted into the school. I did not feel that sort of pressure until I applied to college!

I pray that God will help our son get into the school that is right for him, and I pray that God will give us the wisdom to help our son make the right choice.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

YOU Can Save Someone's Life!!

Today, January 21, is Israel's nationwide bone marrow donor recruitment drive.

I have been in the registry for over 10 years, but I can no longer be a donor.

You can!!

If you are between 18 and 50, in good health, and have never joined any bone marrow registry, PLEASE take part in this lifesaving drive.

There are testing stations throughout Israel. Check this list for the location nearest to you::
http://www.ezermizion.org/Services/Bone_Marrow_Registry/145.htm

TODAY there are THREE stations in Jerusalem, open until 8:00pm:
  1. Malcha Mall, Lord Kitch plaza, upper level
  2. Ezer Mizion, 25 Yirmiyahu St
  3. Central Bus Station
The test is a simple blood test and takes just a few minutes of your time!

Please register now!!

You can save someone's life!!



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What Would You Miss if You Did Not Have Cancer Anymore?

Remember that shopping trip? You know, the one on Hanukkah...?? (How can you forget a day like this??)

Anyway, one of the things we hoped to find at the mall was a sweatshirt for Y. Y really wanted a FOX sweatshirt that zippered down the front. Now, I am normally not one for buying name brands, but the price was right. Unfortunately, the size was not. They did not have the color she wanted (pink) in her size. In fact, the did not have her size in any color that she was willing to wear. Argh!

To my surprise, FOX has a really great exchange policy. So, I was going to purchase a sweatshirt in the wrong size, just so we could benefit from the sale (50% off). But, the sales clerk was kind enough to tell me that the sale was ongoing. Well, after almost a month, they finally got the stock we wanted. I was a little nervous that, after so much time, we might have missed the sale price. We did not.

Today, I took Y to the mall, we went right in, picked up the sweatshirt of her dreams, paid the sale price, and walked out.

Not Bad.

So, what does this ordinary story have to do with the title of this post?

Well, on the way into the mall, in the midst of some mundane conversation about how people use expired handicapped parking permits after they no longer need them, Y asked me what I would miss in the event that my cancer was cured.

At first, I was not sure I heard her correctly. Then I was not sure I understood what she meant. But she meant what she said (and she said what she meant....). She wanted to know what I would miss if I did not have cancer anymore.

"Nothing." I answered, without hesitation.

"Really?" She asked, "Nothing?"

I thought for a minute, then answered, "free parking."

"Nothing else?" She asked again.

I thought some more. "No," I continued, "nothing else. I would miss the free parking. Nothing else."

"You wouldn't miss all your friends coming to visit you?" she asked.

"We would go out to a cafe (coffee shop)," I responded, still unclear what was prompting these questions.

I am still not sure. As quickly as the conversation popped up, that's how quickly it ended. It got swallowed up by the ebb and flow of the mall.

As we made our way to the store, Y told me about a class she had at school in which the teacher discussed shopping and values and how the malls are designed to make people spend money frivolously. Y thought the teacher exaggerated. "I only buy the things I need," Y declared.

Later, after we purchased the sweatshirt, we searched for a bag for Y. We found one on sale that she liked a lot. The bag was only 19 NIS and the store would not charge a credit card for less than 25 NIS. So we tried to find something for another 6 NIS. After looking around for almost 15 minutes, I said to Y, "this is just what your teacher was talking about!" We laughed as we realized that we were just looking to spend money (even if it was only a little money) on something we did not really need or want. So I paid for the bag with cash, and we left the store.

We got what we came for and we were done.

As we headed back to the car, our conversation was light and carefree.



Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA