Ups and Downs

"So, kiddo, how are you doing?" asked my oncologist, as he opened my files (the one on his desk and the one on his computer).

"Well," I began, "my mood has been swinging up and down...."

He stopped.

"You get depressed?" he asked, with a puzzled look.

"Yeah, she does," confirmed Moshe.

"'cause I don't see it..." continued my oncologist.

Even in the chemo ward, my mood is usually upbeat -- probably because every week a different friend comes to hang out and I just enjoy the company so much!

"What are you feeling?" he asked, looking at me seriously.

"I'm having a hard time with the "long term" thing," I explained (not for the first time). "I just wish I could look forward to a time when it will be over."

"Do you want to see someone?" he asked (also not for the first time).

The thing is, I am not clinically depressed. I get out of bed in the morning. I am active. I have a strong support network: family, friends, my support group, and my blog.

What more would I get from therapy? I asked. There is no clinical indication that I need a psychologist. It all depends on how I feel.

Overall, I feel I am handling things pretty well. Both my husband and my oncologist agree.

But I still have mood swings. I still wish it would all just go away.

Someone once told me that all the cancer stuff would eventually fade into the background, like white noise from the radio.

I hope that is true.

Meanwhile, I hear the radio blaring and I really wish someone would change the channel.




Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA