STUCK

I met with my oncologist this past Tuesday. I had a list of questions for him. Most were simple. Some were not...


I asked: "What's the plan?"

He answered: "To keep doing what we're doing."

I clarified: "Do I understand correctly that I keep taking these drugs until they stop working, and then I take something else?"

He answered: "Yup."

I asked: "Will I get any breaks?"

He answered: "Nope."

I persisted: "I've met people with metastasis who have breaks in their treatment."

He stated: "I don't know about other patients."

I asked: "But will there be times that I don't need to be on chemo?"

He responded: "That's a rephrase. I've answered that question."


He emphasized that we are aiming for stability; that our goal is that the cancer doesn't grow. I don't like that. I don't want it to "stay the same." I want the cancer to shrink. I want it to go away.

It is difficult for me to accept that I will always have cancer.

I am having a hard time with the chemo-for-life thing.

Yeah, yeah, I know... "It's better than the alternative."

It still sucks.

I can live with it.

People get used to it.

I'm stuck.

I gotta' get past it.

This is the way it is.

Accept it and move on.

I have cancer.

Next.


Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA