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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Highs and Lows

I've finally figured out my energy chart.

At the end of a cycle, after not having chemo for two weeks, my energy is at its peak -- let's say at 30.

Then, I start a new cycle.

Within 24 hours, my energy drops to about 15.

It stays down between 15 and 17, for a few days. Then, towards the end of the week, it rises to about 22.

Then I have another treatment, and my energy drops to about 7.

It stays down around 7 to 10 for a few days, then starts climbing up.

After about a week, it's up to 17.

A few days after that, it climbs to about 22.

Then, towards the end of that week, it continuously rises, until it hits 30 again.

Then.... repeat.

The first time my energy returned, I felt amazing! Then... depressed.

I was crushed by the thought of losing all my energy, again.

Now, I take comfort in the fact that there is a fairly predictable pattern.

Recently, I was driving home at night (something I often don't do, because I am usually too tired to drive). It was cold and, slowly, the windshield fogged up. I put on the defroster, and watched as my vision slowly became clearer.

It occured to me that that is an appropriate analogy for my energy.

After chemo, I feel like I am moving around in a fog. Everything is difficult (blurry). Then, as the effects of the treatments fade, my vision slowly returns and I amazed by the clarity and my ability to function.

Yesterday, when I was at my height of energy, I felt so great! I did a load of laundry, two loads of dishes, and a number of other small chores.

It might not sound like much, but it was tremendous for me!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


Anonymous said...

I just stumbled on to your blog. The word "chemo" caught my eye. I went back through many posts to try to find out more about your cancer. My son (26) is also going through cancer treatment (currently radiation w/ 6 rounds of chemo and surgery behind him). We are of different faiths, living in different countries, but both human. I understand the emotions. I will pray for you.

RivkA with a capital A said...


I appreciate your prayers. I really believe that God is listening to everyone who is praying for me.

I wish your son strength and good health.

Perhaps the only thing more difficult than having cancer yourself, is having a child with cancer.

I didn't appreciate my mother's concern until my sister spelled it out for me: "imagine it was one of your kids...."

That thought, even in the theoretical, was unbearable.

So I also wish you strength during this difficult time. It can be challenging to provide both the space and support a child needs. Sometimes, even the child doesn't know what s/he wants. (ask me how I know.... ;-)

God bless you both.