"This mess is so big, and so deep, and so tall. We can not pick it up. There is no way at all!" (Dr. Seuss, The Cat in the Hat)
This, basically, sums up my life.
Even before cancer, I found it difficult (read: impossible) to maintain order. Apparently, a chaotic environment is typical for someone with ADD. I struggled as a student, then as a single, then as a newly married wife. For a while, I managed to maintain a semblance of order.
Then I had kids.
Then I had illness (a year of post-op infections, following what was supposed to be a "simple" hernia repair, including two month-long hospitalizations).... and three small kids!
Then we moved (always a nightmare, even in the best of circumstances).
Keeping my home in order was a losing battle... and I was losing, big time!
I kept waiting for each "crisis" period to pass, so that I could "catch up."
But there was always some new crisis waiting around the corner.
Having cancer has only exacerbated the situation.
I am even more tired and overwhelmed than before.
I cannot catch up on my own.
But I do not want to live like this.
I feel like a kid who is not cleaning her room, except I am responsible for an entire house!
For years, I was able to "ignore" the mess. But not anymore.
The accumulation of "things to do" and "things to fix" and "things not to waste" is massive.
My husband would just throw everything out. But that is too hard for me.
I need to sort through it all.
But the task is enormous and overwhelming.
I need help.
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,
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2 days ago