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Saturday, September 4, 2010

Tough Times

Summer is over, and I have been having a tough time.

Thank God, I had the strength to do things with my kids.  We all really had a great summer.

That said, I spent most of my time in bed.

I am still trying to find the right balance of pain meds.  This Thursday, I consulted with the pain specialist at my hospital and he said I should up the dose of my pain patch by 50%.  I will try it, starting tomorrow, when I switch the patch.

Meanwhile, I am so tired, I just want to sleep all day long.  I read a bit here and there, and then I am ready to go back to sleep.

The cancer makes me tired.  The chemo makes me tired.  The pain makes me tired.  The pain meds make me tired.  My kids make me tired.  Doing everything makes me tired.  Doing anything makes me tired.

Complain, complain, complain.....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


rickismom said...

You can complain.
You can bitch.

Once(when Ricki was very young)when I told a friend (a rebbitzen) who has a child die as an infant, that When people tell me "how well I am handling it", I want to SCREAM that this is not the child I dreamed of. She told me that "Accepting G-d's will" does not mean saying "Gee this is GREAT", but going on and doing the best you can.

Let's face it. Your cancer stinks. It robs your family (and you) of your health and vitality. There is surely the fear of death.
It stinks.
It stinks.
It stinks.

Why G-d has given you this nissiyon is not for us to know. But you are allowed to say that it hurts, it has robbed you of your energy, and you would really rather be healthy.

HUGS. Wish I could do more.

Baila said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Baila said...

I just wanted to say "magia lach" to complain--if you could even call it that. You don't need to feel bad about it, it's what we're here for, to listen, to hear, to help to the extent we can and to be inspired by you--which we all are.

So hang in there, keep talking to us and hoping for a better week...

Shavua Tov!

Anonymous said...

How I wish and pray for a miracle. You inspire me with who you are in the face of this debilitating disease. I know you're doing all you can (food supplements, pain management ...) to increase your energy.

adena said...

I think that you do more than most of us do, even with pain and everything else...you are a role model to me. And you have every right to complain! And loudly!

Robin said...

I wish I had a magic wand I could wave to make it all better :(.

You know at least that we're here to listen whenever you need somewhere to unload.


michele said...

If this isn't the forum to let it all out, I don't know what is. Praying the new pain patch does what it needs to do without tiring you too much.

mikimi said...

as others wrote: you have every right to complain and yet you inspire all of us even as you struggle day by day minute by minute in your pain and frustration. You accomplish so much more in your sickly condition than I do in my healthier mode of life. I am a people person yet lonely and alone with my companions being the TV, telephone and computer.
You can rant, and us readers will try to comfort you.
refua shelaima and shana tova with health, healing and happiness.

Anonymous said...

Remember the line from Norma Rae:
kevetch, kevetch kevetch
Say it with a southern drawl and maybe it will bring on a smile.
You kvetch with chen... you barely kvetch at all... tarshi le-atzmech!
Was it Kohelet, who said it so beautifully, to go with the Byrds melody?
"A time to kvetch,
A time to stretch
A time to be on edge
A time to vegg (vej)
A time to pay homage
A time to hedge
A time to walk out on a ledge"
To EVERYTHING there is a season
- kvetching, lo kol she-ken!

Sarah said...

What can I say... I hear you. The whole sick thing stinks. Pain stinks. Medicine stinks. Cancer stinks. I hear you. lots of hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow will be better. <3

RivkA with a capital A said...

You guys (gals) are awesome!!

Thanks for putting a smile on face!!

ys -- I don't remember that line from Norma Rae... but I love it! and the revised Byrds song too!!