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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Parenting Crisis

I cannot write about it. 

It has nothing to do with cancer and everything to do with being a parent.

Everyone assures me that, usually, over time, these things pass.


It just takes time.

What if I am not here by that time?

Will it still work out?

It is all about being a parent. 

But I am a parent with cancer.

What if I don't have enough time to make it to "the other side" of being a parent?

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,


Robin said...

Sending much love your way my friend.

Call me if you need an uninvolved shoulder to lean on.

Safranit (Safra-knit) said...

It isn't easy... I don't know if this show is well timed or not, but I thought you might find it interesting. http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/401/parent-trap Listen to Letters from a Saint.

Leah Goodman said...

sending you love... and a personal email.

Anonymous said...

Dear RivkA! You do have tremendous influence on your children. BEEING A PARENT IS BUILDING YOUR CHILDREN FOR THE FUTURE. Most of the times, we do not have the previlege of seeing the results right now and then when we need it, or when we would like to see them, in order to calm us down. And still, we set the trail. And you for sure do. One day, all our children will be down hear, but we will be up there. We leave them in this world with what we gave all along the way. The things we say, the borders we set, the things we encourage them to do, and the things we disapprove with. This is the real inheritance we give them.
Sometimes on the way they really scare us, hurt us or god knows what else. We are always their parents, no matter where we are. You are an incredible parent, and your children are incredible too."things pass with time" is what everybody said to me about my son too. I did not buy it, because i could not stand by. I worked very hard to keep on setting the trail. Never gave up for even one second. Keep going, you are the mother and everything you do has it's influence and results. I am with you!

Shelly said...

I read this and tried to think what I could say and couldn't. And I came back and read it again and again. And there still isn't a lot to say. My thoughts are with you and I'm a good listener if you need someone with a little distance from the players. B'ezrat HaShem time will be on your side.

Hasya Ya'ara said...

You are a wonderful parent, and you will always be with your children. They carry you everyday.

My prayer for you, is that you may continue to fight this dreaded disease and may you conquer it.

Liba said...

I want to send you love and strength. You are a wonderful woman and a fighter and have given your children so much. The tools that you have given will serve the well, even if they aren't ready to use them right now.

Bernie said...

Trust yourself my friend, that you have done the best you know how to do, and trust knowing that all that you have taught your children will stay with them whether you are her physically or spirtually. All will work out my friend...Hugs

Anonymous said...

sweet sweet RivkA - wouldn't it just be lovely if we/they were perfect

I've seen you work on yourself - and that's what we need our families for - the process is HARD - but I've been inspired by you sooooooooooooo many times!!!what goes down will go up, I promise!!!


Rebecca said...

Parenting never ends. Not when the child turns 18, or 25, 35, 60 or beyond. You will always be their parent and whatever time you have with them, be it short or long, will stay with them forever.

My father passed away when I was 3 and he was 28, and he is always with me. Through others I have been able to know and cherish him as the father he really never got the chance to be. And he is still in my thoughts, my heart and even influences me in ways that continually surprise me. And I see him in my own children. My grandmother just passed away last year at the age of 93 and her presence is and will continue to be felt as well, in her daughter, grandchildren and gret-grandchildren and I would even say beyond them as well.

It's a measure of the love and attention you give when you are there for them. All of us parents, the health and the not-so healthy, need to focus on that, not on what could have/should have/would have been. You are forever their parent and there is no "other side" of it. And judging by all you do with them, and how you are when you are with them, you seem to be doing a lot better then many healthy parents I know who aren't so acutely aware of how precious ANY time is with their kids. Being a parent is the best, and you seem to make the most of it. And that's what counts.

And beyond that - time will do it's thing... it always does.

Sending healthy strong thoughts your way girlfriend...

Love and hugs,

RivkA with a capital A said...

Robin -- thanks

Safranit -- Thanks for the link. It was interesting. I keep thinking about writing letters or making videos. I think, overall, it is probably a good thing to give to your children. But I see how it can carry a lot of weight. Like most things, it seems to be a challenge to find the right balance.

Leah -- thanks SO MUCH for the email!!

Anon -- how can you be so sure? (who are you?)

Shelly -- thanks

Hasya Ya'ara -- amen!

Liba -- I can only hope. Some days, I am not so sure....

Bernie -- Sometimes, it is hard to believe that they will ride this wave and come out safe.....

Klara -- I hope you are right.

Rebecca -- thanks for sharing. I know there are good, strong connections there. but when I see the angry face, and hear the angry voice.... it is so hard.