I thought that when I came home from the retreat, I would spend the afternoon catching up with my kids and doing some of those things that need to get done.
I greeted my kids, gave and received hugs, heard a bit about what they had to say, and fell into bed. I slept for three hours! I woke for a bit, had dinner with my kids, and went back to sleep.
The next day I had chemo. I don't remember what I did afterwards. I meant to sleep, but that did not happen.
Friday, I managed to cook for Shabbat, and then I slept all Shabbat. In the afternoon, Moshe suggested we listen to MD read the first aliyah (section) of his Torah reading. I really wanted to sleep, but how could I say no? What a pleasure! I did not expect him to read so nicely. Then Moshe went to lie down and I stayed with MD to listen again, and help improve his reading. It was a really nice time together.
I had wanted to teach my son to read, but I just could not find the time and energy to do it. So, one of our neighbors is teaching him. It was nice to have a chance to teach my son, without the pressure of having to teach him. He is just beginning....
Saturday night, we ALL watched Star Trek. What a treat to have Y with us as well.
Then Moshe wanted to go out to see "Two Legacies," Einat Kapach's documentary film about her grandparents, the Rabbanit Kapach, famous for her many acts of chessed (righteous deeds), and Rav Yosef Kapach z"l, who was the foremost authority on the Rambam. I could have easily just gone to bed. Instead, despite the rain, we went to the Cinemateque. Only an hour long, the film was very interesting, and beautifully done, but too short. I was glad we went. (Added bonus: there was handicapped parking right in front, so we did not have to walk too far in the rain!)
Sunday was a crazy day. In the afternoon, I went to Ofek (the city's gifted and talented program), for the end of the semester presentations. This semester, MD learned robotics and juggling. Every week, he brings home a Diablo and practices in all his free time. He is really quite good.
I had arranged for MD to get a ride home with someone so that I could go straight to my support group. The program at Ofek ended at 6:00 and my support group began at 6:00. My plan was to zip over to my group.
Then I spaced out! There is no other explanation for what happened next besides chemo brain.
After Ofek, I couldn't figure out why I was so pressured, since I had plenty of time to get to my support group by 8:00. I could have even taken my son home, and come back again. The wires in my brain were completely crossed! I confused the ending time of my support group with the beginning time.
At 6:30, my friend TK called to see if I was coming to the group. I answered "Of course! I'll see you at 8:00!" She started laughing. Only then, I realize what happened.
I arrived an hour late. Suffice it to say that I was unable to raise all those topics that I had been waiting to talk about! How frustrating!! The discussion that we had was interesting (about priorities and making time for the people who are most important to us -- our husbands and kids), but it was not the discussion I had wanted to have. Also, you would not think it would be so hard to drop what we are doing and pay attention to those nearest and dearest, but it is. At least, it is for all of us. The facilitator made certain that we ended the meeting with practical suggestions, shifting the focus from what we are doing "wrong," to what we can be doing better.
Monday, I was still so tired. The thought even flitted across my mind to cancel lessons. I am so glad that I did not. My classes were AMAZING!! So many of my kids had the best lessons that they have had to date! I felt so wonderful after class!
And here we are.
It is Tuesday afternoon and my house is quiet. MD just went off for his Bar Mitzvah lessons. The girls are out on "netiyot" (tree planting for Tu B'Shvat, even though Tu B'Shvat is not until next week) with their youth group. (These days, both girls are in Ezra. A joined Ezra, to be with her older sister. Y is happy to have her little sister in the same youth group, and she really looks after her. It works for me!)
In theory, I could sleep or get something done.
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,
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