No more waiting. As soon as I got the results, I read them. They were not what I was expecting. They were scary. I dashed off a rather panicked email to my oncologist, and tried to remain calm. It was difficult to ignore the long list of tumors, and the written conclusion that the bone scan shows activity since the previous scan.
Last night, after I went to bed, my mom came into my room. (Moshe was working late, and would not be coming home for a few more hours). She sat on the side of my bed, and put her hand on my leg. I found her presence comforting. I could tell she was sad that she could not make this problem go away. We spoke for a while. It was nice. Slowly, even as we were talking, I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up early to say good bye to my mom. It was hard to say good bye. I knew that the plane ride would be difficult for her and promised to let her know what is going on as soon as she lands.
Moshe and I left early for the hospital.
When the doctor called us in, we were quite anxious. He sat at his desk, flipping back and forth between the old and new bone scans, in silent deliberation. After what seemed like ages, he sat back in his chair and declared "I am not convinced."
He did not see anything "new." He called another doctor (I think a radiologist) and left the department to bring him the scans. We waited.
When he returned, my doctor said the other doctor agreed with him. I was not convinced.
"I have no interest in delivering good news to you," said my doctor. "The results appear to be scelrosis. You can go get a second opinion. Meanwhile, we will continue your treatment."
One of the things I love about my doctor is that he has no ego. He takes it for granted that I will want a second opinion. He has no vested interest in being "right." I appreciate that.
I was relieved to continue my current treatment. I want to believe that my doctor is right, and that the images just reflect new, dense, bone tissue. He seems pretty confident that everything is OK and I have a lot of confidence in his judgement.
Still, when I got home, I finally called up one of my "connections." Months ago, my mom's close friend, M, who is like an aunt to me, emailed me with the name of a good friend of hers in Israel, who is a radiologist. At the time, I felt no need to contact him. But I was glad to have that contact now.
Next week I will mail him my bone scans and 3 of my CTs (the first one, the current one, and one in the middle). He will look over the CTs and have another radiologist examine the bone scans. Hopefully, I will have the results before my next treatment.
Meanwhile, I am going to do an MRI to check my liver. My doctor suggested that an MRI might be informative. Moshe and I both wanted to do it. So my doctor agreed, and we got the referral. Now we just have to get the kupah (health fund) to agree... Nothing is ever simple.
I still feel like I am on a rollercoaster. But I am past the really scary part... for now.
Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism,