I am still on speaking terms with God. :-)
That's not to say that I'm not having a bit of a crisis. But, so far, no major crisis of faith...
I don't understand why this is happening. But, as I always say, things could be worse. So I am grateful that the cancer was discovered when it was and that I live in a time when there are really good drugs that can keep me alive for a long time.
Still, I wanted to do something more.
I wanted to respond to my situation in a religious way. I already asked everyone I know to pray for me. And I am on a number of Tehillim lists (groups who recite all of Psalms in someone's merit).
But what should I do? What could I take on without it being too much for me at this time?
I didn't want to take on something that I couldn't keep up. So, I decided that I would focus on something that I do already, and try to do it "better". So, I am trying to say brachot (blessings) out loud and with more kavanah (focused intention).
Many years ago, when I was in college, I accompanied a friend to her family's home for Shabbat. After I said a bracha (blessing) quietly, her father asked why I had said the bracha quietly and denied him the ability to answer "amen", which would give him the merit of having participated in the bracha. I didn't have an answer then, and that question has stayed with me for years.
I still feel a little silly, saying the brachot out loud. But I am working on it. :-)
I noticed that - and I didn't think it was silly at all. I just thought - "Oh - I ought to be doing that."
ReplyDeleteLove,
Miryam
ok another thing that my kids and i thought wed work on this summer and hasnt really happened. can i 'use' you and tell them were doing this to help you? your posts are really good for getting me into the elul spirit. all the best faith
ReplyDeleteI think this idea is great.
ReplyDeleteI believe that it makes a difference.
When we bless - we are blessed.
When we give thanks - we have more things to thank for.
When I take care to thank (God, the universe, whatever)for what he/she/it has already done for me and IS doing for me, with true KAVANA and finding the way to see the half full part of the glass - I am doubly blessed.
basmat
Wow, this is so cool!
ReplyDeleteYou can definitely "use" me with your kids. That would be awesome!
This makes me feel like I can still help make the world a better place, even now, when I'm so self-focussed!
This is amazing!
you are my friend who told me that you learned some parenting from me. i am so honored by that.
ReplyDeletelast week, i took care of nurit's kids because gan was closed. by the end of the 3 days, the kids and i had achieved great love and mutual understanding, but the house hadn't gotten tidied up. this is what it was like when i was raising my own kids. i would put mucho energy into their care, and the house, etc,(read husband),would get put on indefinite hold.as much as i am sorry for putting my life partner on hold, it was okay that i did it that way, because that was/is the way i am, and what i do get done, i do wonderfully, and don't have to feel inadequate next to those people who have clean houses and cakes and are ready for shabbat by friday sundown. i did and am doing a great job. although, i do feel sorry for my husband who had to fend for himself a lot.
don't you just love me??? i love you too. and i learn from you too.
love to all of your loved ones from us.
bracha
hi! what you're saying makes a lot of sense to me, too. sometimes its a bigger challenge, and a more significant one, to try to do something you already do, but with more kavvanah. i find if i take something new on, its easy to do it with kavanah for awhile.
ReplyDeleteof course when i say a bracha out loud so as to get the family to say amen, i do it just to annoy them...